Dreamer4ever15

Hi there! This is a good start, I liked your first paragraph describing her hanging on the monkey bars, and reluctant to leave the park. "She trudged over to the ...

Hello there! First off I'd just like to say that I absolutely loved all of your vivid descriptions and details. Thats what brings the story to life, and I could ...

Hi there! Some things I noticed is that you need to capitalize all of your sentences, and your I's. Example- "I tried to hard, I gave my blood, My tears ...

Hello there! I like your story, its very interesting however I do see several things you could change. I think that was a neat idea, of how you described their ...

Hi there! Your poem is very good, I enjoyed it a lot. The only thing I noticed was the first sentence of the last stanza- it should be "an unknown ...

Hello there! Interesting story, I really enjoyed it. I feel you describe her sister, and the pain she herself is going through very well. However I do have one complaint ...

Hello there, welcome to YWS! Your story is very interesting, and is written well despite a few mistakes here or there, but that's ok because you can always change/correct those. ...

This is a very interesting, and very well written story. I really like how you started off the story, it makes me wonder how that came to be, you could ...