You Let Me Fall

Hey itsLayal

This is so relate-able to actually every human being on the planet.

Its too good in fact it's the best

I like the way u describe the falling part. even though it didn't rhyme through out
it just went with the flow.

I like the way u described how u were mistreated for your love.

Hope you write more poems and inspire me.

RoseCrown

Hey there, loevlysayshi has a lot of great pointers for you! So I won't repeat all that.... I really liked this and felt it was a very relatable topic and had a lot of emotion. I liked the consistent rythm of the poem though I really had been hoping for some more imagrey or metaphors, poetic devices. Really good though and welcome to the Young Writers ociety by the way.

If you ever need a review come ask on my wall!

Keep it up,
~Kat

Hi there!

Some things I noticed is that you need to capitalize all of your sentences, and your I's.
Example-
"I tried to hard,
I gave my blood,
My tears
And my time."

Also you may consider breaking the sentences up into stanzas, or putting more space between the lines so it doesn't all run together.
Example-

"I tried to hard,
I gave my blood,
My tears
And my time
To work this out.

I came to realize that all of that..."

Another thing I noticed is at the last part where it says-
"but I knew one thing, that when I reached the bottom you'll be there."
It made me think he was going to be there, so maybe instead of "knew" it could be changed to "believed"

Thats all I noticed, I enjoyed your poem its interesting and I look forward to reading more of your work!

Hello there!

So the first thing I would like to bring to your attention is your lack of capitalization. Always remember to capitalize the first letter of the first word in each line.

Another thing I noticed:
There is no poetic format...it is just a bunch of words on different lines. There are no stanzas, I recommend doing something of this sort:

i tried too hard
i gave my blood,
tears
and time

to work this out
i came to realize that all of that was never enough
how could you?
how could you leave me like that?

That looks much better, does it not?

Your lines are extremely varied in size as well, try to keep them close to a certain length, it looks better and is easier to read.

In these two lines you could have only used one question mark:
how could you?
how could you leave me like that? ......
...The reason you could have done that is because "how could you" goes along with the other line, so it should have been like this:
How could you
How could you leave me like that?

Every time you use "I" you need to capitalize it.

Nice metaphor here: "but our love is a broken mirror" I love it! <3


Hold up...I found something else:
but our love is a broken mirror
you can paste the broken peices
you never can erase the scars

1.You spelled pieces wrong, that's alright, easy fix.
2. The first and second line make perfect sense, but the third line is confusing. There are no scars on a mirror...so, you could try re-writing that, or maybe making that the beginning of the next stanza.

"i admit im hard to deal with" Here, you should have written it like this:

I admit that I'm hard to deal with -or- I admit, I'm hard to deal with
Make sure you put an apostrophe between the "I" and the "M": I'm


"i thought you'd be there in the bottom to catch me" ---> I thought you'd be there AT the bottom to catch me

PHEW! That poem was insanely heartbreaking. All of that emotion....great job!
Toodles.