Directioner046

My first thought is, this could be a really great story. Even though it's short (and being longer certainly wouldn't hurt it), I think you did a good job. But, ...

Nice job, you captured the creepy feel quite well! :) However, I did notice the word "liver" was repeated quite a few times. Perhaps you should tweak that slightly, so ...

Nice idea for a story! :) However, you sentences seem a little choppy. For example, you say "There was a boy named Alor, aged eighteen. Alor was tall and hefty ...

You are a very talented writer! :) However, I did find it a little hard to know what was going on? A fight obviously, but why? You mention later on ...

I just stumbled upon this story. I have to go read the chapters before it now! Good job, I can't wait to see where the story leads :) The title ...