The body was blue and cold.
The light that peacefully lay above the body's bare chest hid the face of its examiner. His hand shaking as the knife slowly drew its way down from the neck to the waist. The blood vessels that were no longer in use looked fake and pointless.
As the light flickered above him, the man grabbed a clipboard and pen and wrote down the cause of death - Murder.
The anonymous examiner laid down the clipboard next to the body and exchanged the pen for a larger knife. His blue gloves ran along the man's neck, feeling the pale red lumps running from the body's collarbone.The examiner drew his attention back to the large cut that he had placed in the man's front. The organs placed around the insides as if it were a theme park, abandoned for years. He carefully removed the liver, protected by the lower rib cage. The man slowly walked carrying the liver in his arms as if it were his own. He anxiously placed the liver in a small bowl and weighed the mass of the large organ.
The body's temperature slowly decreasing as the examiner carved the paper with ink, recording the liver's mass.
Returning to the body, the examiner desperately removed the left lung as if he were gradually removing a bomb. His hands were shaking, trying not to touch any other organ in the body other than the lung.
He placed the lung on the bench. Slicing the face of the lung, which was pale blue and slowly decreasing in colour as time passed by. Returning to the body's pale blue face, he ran his fingers through the body's thick brown hair,repeatedly, every time running his fingers through the hairline, digging his nails into the scalp.
His feet slipped on the marble floor as he gently made his way back towards the lung. His hands dragging behind him, hanging low, deep into his pockets. The floor was dirty, small drops of blood gathered around the room.The benches were full of what was left from the previous body.
Grabbing a bowl of utensils, he calmly returned to the torso of the body, piercing a needle through one half and again through another. Again, repeating the same procedure multiple times over.
Stitches running through the man's chest were the last sign the examination was completed.
The wheels on the bench screeched along the floor as the examiner drew closer to one of the many fridges that stood along the far wall.
Pieces of ice gazed up on the roof of the cold fridge, looking down on to the lifeless body which lay inside. Before the door closed, he widened his green eyes.
He smiled as he was the man's killer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I love the story. Sorry if this review is awkward it's my first. That is one of the things I love about writing horror is that murder is open for all of us to put our creative spin on it and you definetly left your mark. The story is set up well and the ending is great and it definetly fit among the horror genre. The description is good and I can picture it in my head with detail. I also love the anonymous examiner it gives it the hints of mystery. Great job.
Thank you very much for the fantastic review.
Nice job, you captured the creepy feel quite well!
However, I did notice the word "liver" was repeated quite a few times. Perhaps you should tweak that slightly, so it's not so repetitive. Also, I think you can omit "anonymous". As long as you don't tell us who the examiner is, that part is pretty obvious. 
Overall, great work, hope you post some more! 
The last sentence could use a little more "bang". Maybe something like:
"A cold grin stretched slowly across his face.
He was the man's killer."
Just an idea.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your feedback.
Oooh, this was bone-chilling! It was splendidly written though. Your imagery of the dissection (I'll call it that
) was amazingly written. I could imagine almost all of it in my head perfectly clearly. It was just great.
I think you should add more.
The only criticism I have to say is - more! I know it's a short story, but to me it seemed a little vague. It was good, no doubt about that, but maybe a little more information. Who? Who exactly is the creepy murderer? Why? Why does he do this?
I know, sometimes there're meant to be vague, and I may just be a little curious... But yeah.
Also, a few very small nitpicks:
1. There's an extra space.
2. Space after period
3. Space after period
4. Space after comma
I hope this review helps! It's little short, but I really had not much to say about your piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Good bye!
~ EternalRain
Thank you so much for the review. I have made the changes, looks much better.
Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.
This story made me have a chill down my spine as I kept reading the well-descriptive scenario happening in this piece.
This was completely amazing, especially for a first piece of writing published, so great job on that.
I love the gore. It was well-detailed, the imagery was just perfect.
Nitpick:
Just change lay to laid.
"The anonymous examiner laid down the clipboard next to the body and exchanged the pen for a larger knife."
Other than that, this was truly amazing. I would love to read more of your writing when you post more.
Keep writing!
PM me if you ever need a review.
Have a great day!
Kanome
Thank you for the great review. I have made the change and it does sound better. I will let you know when I do my next piece, I really appreciate your comments it has definitely given me the incentive to write more.