Butterfly18

Hello, sparksflying. I will say that I liked this, it was slow starting but still kept me interested. I write Science Fiction too. You have a good ending, though the ...

Here's what I think, phoenixwriter. Silvia woke up with a start. With astonishment visible in her icy royal blue eyes, she threw off a small blanket that she was certain ...

Wow, you've been writing this story for eight years? Long time. I've been working on a fantasy series for six years, and it'll be at least a couple of books ...

Hello, EtCetera. This is only a short piece with a lot of good content so I will take the time to do a detailed critique. You opened good. She was ...

Hello, Soulkana. Going to give my opinion on a few things. “Let us burn down this village. It will be the perfect location for conquering the Northern lands, My Lord.” ...

Hello, Jennya. I liked this. Dragons and yeah, 'nuff said. :) I really liked this, She blankly stared at the burning corpse. How could a human? How could anybody? She ...

Hello, AriannaK. First of all, I like this story, it's very interesting. One thing I noticed first though is this, A little over an hour later, Cora arrived at Summer’s ...

Hello, cookEmonster. First thing I noticed was this, I felt my eyes bulge out of my head and my mouth drop open in total shock. "Wh-What?!" I stuttered. These should ...

Hello, Gamergirl. Few things: I don't get this bit. I held in all my rage and swallowed it, in one dry, bitter, sour gulp. It was then I remembered something. ...

Okay, first thing, aquatica. Paragraphing. Whenever a new character speaks, there is a change in Point of View, the meaning, concept etc changes its a new paragraph. Second, Your punctuation. ...

Hello, FutureFamousWriter. First of all, I like the story. It reminds me of Supernatural. Things I noticed about your writing is that you tell a lot, don't show enough. Also, ...

Hello, Kyousuke. First of all I'd like to say that the premise is interesting. Though a few things I noticed: Your opening paragraph, Prologue It could be said that nowadays ...

Hello, Xreigon. First thing I'd like to say is, I like the concept of the hellhound. That's really unique. As for the story, its good so far. You've opened with ...

Hello, Dragonette. When I read you made this the opening to your novel, and changed it to first person, I was taken aback. It's one thing to change opening chapters ...

First of all, I like the premise of the story, as well as the story teller being a horse. Now my thoughts. The prologue is just exposition. If you don't ...