City Of Hell- Chapters 1,2,3,4&5

CHAPTER 1

LISA

I paced back and forth in the cold basement of my family’s house, a tattered book in my left hand and a translucent bottle of what looked like ordinary water in my right. But the normal water wasn’t what it appeared to be, it was, in fact, water from the Nile in Egypt, not that it made that much difference to other people. To me, it meant so much more. No, I am NOT crazy and secondly, Demons are real. They live in a city named the City of Hell, which was basically Hell, yet in a city type form.

My proof, I watched my sister, Mary, get dragged into a black hole or portal by teenage boys with spiky tails coming out of their spines and black shiny horns sticking out of their heads. Oh, and did I mention the eyes? They had black, unfathomable eyes that seemed to see into my very soul.

Tears streamed down my face just thinking about it. Distracting myself, I shook the bottle of murky water. Its brown, muddy substance swirled around in the clear water. Although it seemed normal to me, apparently it had this magical substance in it that dated back to the ancient times. And because of this it burnt Demons skin like acid, putting them in extreme agony. Everything I knew came from the tattered book in my hand. It was Marys’ book. In it was everything I needed to know about Demons, City of Hell and all the dark creatures that went along with it.

I turned to the chapter named Summoning Demons from Hell. Everything was in place; all I had to do now was say the weird incarnation and they would come. “They” meaning the Demons. I readied myself with a deep breath, my heart pounding against my chest. As I read from the book I uttered,

‘Orsa Hella,

De or roo,

Saya kay

Mee ye’

Nothing but silence greeted me and it wasn’t very encouraging.

Darn, it didn’t work, I thought.

All of a sudden black smoke filled the basement, blinding me. Then, as quickly as it came, the smoke faded away, revealing two teenage boys trapped in the protected circle of salt that I had set up. They looked like ordinary boys, yet they were far from it. They were Demons and had the black unfathomable eyes, spiky tail and pointy shiny horns to verify it. The real difference between the boys was that one had white and the other had spiky black hair.

They both snarled at me, showing beautiful white teeth. Slowly I raised the bottle of Nile water and I guess they knew what it was because they backed down, I was glad that my circle of salt worked because they hadn’t taken a step out of the circle.

They were silent and looking at me expectantly so I took their moment of silence to question them.

‘Where is my sister, Mary Hale?’ I asked bravely.

I watched as they smiled at each other knowingly and felt a bit annoyed. Why did they have to smile like that?

‘You’re Lisa Hale.’ The spiky black haired Demon stated.

It wasn’t a question but I answered anyway.

‘Yes, and if you don’t tell me where she is I’ll...I’ll,’ I stopped, completely uncertain what I would do.

‘You’ll what?’ Blondie said, smirking.

Losing what patience I had left at that annoying smile, I undid the lid on the bottle and flicked the water at them. Two drops flew across the room and missed by one inch. They flinched and snarled at me, but all I cared about was finding out where my sister was so I could get her back.

‘Tell me where she is!’ I panicked.

Instead of answering me, Blondie let out an ear-splitting scream. It echoed off the walls and up the stairs where I hadn’t shut the door. I stuck my fingers in my ears, the sound was so horrible. When I looked up he was smiling at me, like an evil clown. I really hate that smile.

‘Tell me or I’ll hurt you more than before,’ I said anxiously.

‘Oh no you won’t,’ a calm voice came behind me.

I spun around and froze. Instant panic froze me to the spot as a pair of twin Demons stood before me. They had curly orange hair and evil white teeth that made them abnormally dashing as they smiled. Not like the other two’s annoying, teasing smile. They pushed past me, smashing the Nile water out of my hands. I watched as they scraped their feet across the salt, breaking the circle.

I grabbed the bag of salt and ran to the door of the basement. Hands trembling, I shut the door and poured a wobbly line of salt in the crack on the floor.

‘Lisa, where are you honey?’ echoed Mum.

The front door slammed closed as my parents entered the house after having dinner with a friend. My heart pounded as I went out to meet mum and dad. I greeted them with a false smile, knowing that the salt wouldn’t hold forever.

CHAPTER 2

SOPHIE

Something was wrong, Lisa wasn’t at school and she was always at school. I was only one year younger then Lisa but she was in my year because she started kindergarten late.

In three more months she would be eighteen while I’ll still be seventeen. We had big plans for her birthday party.

‘Sophie, will you please pay attention to your test,’ snapped the cruellest teacher at school, Ms. Flux.

I hated Ms. Flux, she was the meanest teacher at Paralowie R-12 school, but I didn’t like her that much mainly because I hated maths and she just happened to be my maths teacher.

Nearly everyone was struggling with the test on Money Calculations except Vince, the class maths nerd. Although he was a maths nerd, he was also the hottest guy at school; every girl wanted him. I could sort of understand why, with his to-die-for sleeky black hair to die for and his dashing grey eyes. Not that I looked at him or anything.

The door slammed open and everyone looked up, glad to have a distraction from the insufferable test. Ms. Flux however, loathed distractions and tardiness, and glared at the late student. Lisa walked through the door, not noticing the glare from Ms. Flux and seized a test from her desk.

Lisa and I had been best friends since kindergarten. It all started with sharing our lunches which is kind of a silly thing to become friends over. Back then she’d had rosy cheeks and bright excited eyes. Now, however, she had black shadows under those big brown eyes like she hadn’t had enough sleep and her usually tanned skin was washed out, making her look like a powdery ghost.

She sat next to me, no one heard the stomp in her walk, or saw the shake in her hands and the weariness in her eyes, but I did. I waited until I caught her eyes before mouthing, ‘What’s wrong?’ she whispered back, ‘I’ll tell you at lunch,’ and that was the end of that.

* * *

The lunch bell sounded and I jumped eagerly out of my seat and raced to the door. The worry for my friend was over powering and grew every minute until the bell sounded. I wanted to know what was wrong with my friend and I wanted to know now. Lisa treaded slowly behind me, taking as much time as she could. When we finally chose a green bench (heck, all the benches were green) I waited until she sat down to look at her expectantly.

She didn’t say anything at first, munching slowly on a cheese sandwich her mum had made her. Our school didn’t have a cafeteria, only a canteen and the food sucked there. I let out a cough and she finally looked up.

‘Don’t worry about it, Sophie.’

I felt like a brick wall had hit me in the face, we always told each other everything.

*Lisa*

I looked at my friend’s shocked face and wasn’t surprised. We always told each other everything. Her soft brown eyes (which I admired) had widen in shock and I knew I had to tell her, whether she believed me or not. I took a deep breath and brushed my blonde hair out of my eyes.

‘Sophie, I don’t know if you will believe me or not, but I want you to keep an open mind, okay?’

Of course she wasn’t going to keep an open mind, if I told anyone else they would probably call the mental hospital. She nodded; eyes serious. A true friend.

I told her everything, the ritual, my sister disappearing and most importantly, the Demons. I told her how they looked like ordinary teenagers, until they get emotional, and then they would turn into their true forms which involved pointy shiny horns emerging from their skulls and long blackish tails coming out of base of their spine. Embarrassed, I looked away and when I turned back I half expected her to look at me like a crazy person, instead she was playing with a strand of her hair (which I also admired, it was the colour of caramel chocolate and curly as a noodle).

‘Do you believe me?’ I asked hopefully.

Slowly, she nodded her head. Wow, she actually believes me.

‘What are you going to do now?’ she asked.

It seemed an easy enough question, but the only problem? I couldn’t answer it because I didn’t know. I shrugged my shoulders, helplessly.

‘Are they going to come after you?’ she questioned.

This was weird I thought she would think I was a psycho, she was actually taking it very maturely.

‘Yes, they said they would,’ I replied.

She nodded her head but her attention was elsewhere. Her eyes were on Vince, a boy in our maths class. Yes, he was gorgeous, but there was something I didn’t like about him. It wasn’t that he didn’t seem to fit in with everyone else or that his pupils seemed to get darker at times when he was getting either yelled at or told he was wrong(I think I was imagining that part) it was the way he walked. It’s like he was stalking his prey or something.

He looked up at us, although mostly at Sophie; I watched Sophie’s cheeks go slightly pink and wondered if she liked him.

*Sophie*

When our eyes locked I couldn’t look away, it wasn’t until he looked away that the lock we had, was broken. I couldn’t help the disappointed feeling that washed through me like a huge wave. I didn’t know why I liked Vince, I don’t think I like-liked him. I think I just liked the way he looked and how he acted calm and controlled... sometimes.

‘Sophie.’

I jerked out of my thoughts and focused on Lisa, who was now looking at me expectedly.

‘Yeah, I think we should do that,’ I said randomly, trying to show her that I was listening when I obviously wasn’t.

She shook her head before saying,

‘You weren’t listening, you were too busy staring at Vince,’ she complained.

‘Was not.’

‘Was too.’

I flicked my hair out of my face and tried to think of a different subject.

‘Um, so they’re going to come after you, but why?’ I asked, doing my best to distract her.

‘I don’t know. In my sister’s notebook it said if you summon a Demon they sort of get pissed off,’ she said.

‘Then why did you do it?’ I said crossly.

I didn’t mean to say it so harshly and regretted it as soon as I saw Lisa’s face fall.

‘Because I thought the circle of salt would help,’ she trembled, looking at the ground.

Seeing her like that made me think about strategies and plans to help her. Anything to make her happy again.

‘Is there anything that hurts them?’ I asked her.

She nodded, ‘Water from the Nile in Egypt,’ she answered.

‘Where the hell are we supposed to get that?’

Lisa saw the look on my face and said quickly, ‘my sister has a whole stash of Nile Water in a cupboard in her room.’

‘That’s helpful.’

Lisa nodded in agreement, ‘What are we going to do?’ she asked.

‘After school we will meet up at 8pm and discuss a plan, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘See you later.’

She walked away to her next class, most likely wondering why I believed her. She wouldn’t understand why I believed her, only one person did and she was gone. And I hated her.

*Lisa*

They were after me. I could hear their laughter as they hunted me down. Their soft panther-like steps that chased me. Finally my parent’s phone came into view; I rushed over to it and dialled 000.

‘Police, please,’ I said in a whispered, hoping they wouldn’t hear me.

‘Hello, this is Sergeant Long, how can I help you?’

The phone was wacked out of my hand.

‘Hello? Hello?’ echoed Sergeant Long.

Everything went black.

*Sophie*

My heart started to race after seeing the horrible scene in front of me. The police and ambulance were at Lisa’s house. On stretchers, the paramedics carried her parents; both had their necks ripped out. The police didn’t know where Lisa was, no one could find her.

A burst of pain spread through my chest as I was walking home. There was nothing I could do the police had said. Soon the pain became too unbearable and I just had to sit down. Finding a nice brown park bench, I sat down and let out a burst of tears. Lisa was gone and now don’t know what to do.

‘You have to come back,’ yelled a hoarse voice.

I jumped half a metre in the air; I didn’t know anyone else was near me at Lake Windermere Park. People usually avoided this place at night for the fear of getting bashed.

I peered around the bushes and saw Vince talking to some guy with curly orange hair. Wait a minute, I studied him closely and gasped. He was a demon; Vince was talking to a demon. The demon that most likely had kidnapped Lisa.

‘NO!’ Vince yelled.

I did a double take when I looked at Vince. All this time I was had been focusing on the orange haired Demon that I hadn’t looked at Vince. My heart thumped horribly as I focused on him. Under his messy light black fringe poked out two shiny black horns from his forehead. His eyes that were usually grey were completely black and coming out from the back of his pants was a tail. He was a demon.

All the feelings I had for him vanished with those subconscious words. The spiky haired demon snarled, showing his predator teeth.

‘Fine then!’ he yelled and vanished into thin air leaving Vince. I suddenly had a plan; I didn’t know if it would work but I had to try and save Lisa.

CHAPTER 3

Lisa was gone, but I had a plan and I could only hope that it would work. I got to work, neatly making a circle of salt just inside my door, and in front of my bed. I also made it less suspicious by putting my blue blanket over the top of it and made sure it didn’t smudge.

‘Sophie! He’s here!’ shouted my mum from downstairs.

‘Thanks mum, send him right up.’

I know other mums probably wouldn’t let a guy go into their daughter’s room but my mum trusted me. Vince stepped into my room with a Sci 3 science text book. The only reason he was here was because he thought I needed help with science. I patted my bed and he walked towards me.....and around the blanket.

Damn! My plan was for him to walk on the blanket and get trapped in the circle. Okay time for Plan B. In my hand behind my back was a bottle of Nile water I taken from Lisa’s big sisters room. I had gone to Lisa’s house an hour ago and had to sneak around the police to get it. I’d also taken everything that looked like it could be used against Demons, including Mary’s notebook.

Slowly, I began to pull the cork off the bottle; I didn’t notice that Vince had moved until he leaped onto me. He then tried to pry my fingers off the bottle. I yelled and tried to kick him off me but his tail had wrapped around my legs in a tight embrace.

‘Sophie!’

We froze.

‘Sophie is everything alright up there?’ mum called, her footsteps approaching.

I struggled and Vince glared at me, his horns almost touching my head, as if daring me to tell her.

‘Yeah, um, everything’s alright mum,’ I struggled against Vince’s body weight.

‘Okay then,’ she replied, her footsteps fading away.

Vince’s tail loosened around my legs, and as he looked at the door, I took the chance to act. Bracing my legs, I kicked him square in the chest and watched as he was flung back and landed right in the circle.

I let out a roar of triumph, while Vince hissed at me. I smiled smugly at him and watched as his horns and tail shrink back into his body, even though his eyes stayed black.

‘What do you want?’ he said breathlessly.

‘Where have your friends taken Lisa? I asked, harshly.

‘I don’t-!’

‘Don’t lie! I saw you talking to one of your demon buddies at the park the night she went missing; now tell me where they’ve taken her!’ I cried.

‘One, that guy is not my buddy and two I can’t-’

‘If you’re lying-’

‘I’m not. Look, the place they’ve taken her to is a place humans can’t go to, unless they’re dead or creatures of the dark,’ he explained.

‘What are creatures of the dark,’ I asked, confused.

‘Vampires, werewolves-,’

‘They’re real too?’ I cut in.

He nodded.

I turned my back on him, and sadness swept through me like a furious wind.

‘Please, is there anything I can do to help her?’ I pleaded.

I turned around and watched as he let in a big breath before answering.

‘Let me think.’ He put his head in his hands for a moment,

‘I have an idea.’

* * *

I’d never seen a shop like it. Most shops I’ve seen were full of colour to attract people’s attention. But this shop looked like it was trying as hard as it could not to draw any attention. The bricked walls were incrusted with mould, the windows looked like someone had thrown a bucket of mud over it and all the flowers in the “garden” in front of the shop were dead.

‘Err, why are we here?’ I asked.

‘You’ll see,’ Vince mumbled so only I could hear.

I suddenly got suspicious and thought about last night. I’d made him make the Demon Devil Swear. To do that he had to cut open his wrists and swear by the devil’s name. He had sworn he would do everything in his power to help me get in the City of Hell (where they had taken Lisa) and to tell me everything he knew about it.

Vince opened the door and went straight in, not even sparing a glance at me. Okay then, I thought. I went in and jogged up behind him. I hated when he walked fast and catlike like a panther stalking his prey. It went well with his dark eyes and hair.

The shop on the inside was as ghastly as it looked on the outside; dead animals with most of their organs pulled out of their bodies hung from the roof and the whole place smelled of well, dead animals of course, yet also sour herbs and stale maggots.

We walked over to a counter in the corner of the room where an eerie shadow sat.

‘Yes?’ asked the eerie shadow.

I looked down at a women sitting on a crooked chair and a dirty glass table. Well at least I thought it was a woman. She had wild bushy black hair that had bugs and other things in it. Her eyes were completely black and bloodshot. There were wrinkles all over her face and her teeth were like rotten apples. Her fingernails were dirty and on her bony fingers there were old crusty rings. The thing I thought was most disgusting about her was the gigantic golf-sized mole on her left cheek that had hairs growing out of it. It was right in the centre of her left cheek and had one or more hairs growing out of it.

‘We would like each of these things in,’ Vince said, slipping her a folded note.

He didn’t say please or thank you, I thought, that’s kind of rude. The woman grunted and reached into her hair. Skilfully, she untangled bottles, ingredients and a small booklet and placed them on the table. I stared at her, my mouth hanging open like an idiot.

‘What!’ she snapped at me.

‘Um.....nothing,’ I mumbled and looked away.

She glared at me before turning to Vince who had carefully placed all the items in a crumbled brown paper bag and handed her the money. I immediately took back what I said before about Vince being rude, he at least had the decency to pay for the items.

We walked out of the sunken shop and walked back to my house. For a while we sat in complete silence. Then I watched Vince unpack the bottles, ingredients and the notebook which he passed over to me. He did all this at abnormal speed and didn’t talk at all to me until he had finished.

‘You know the plan?’

Yes I knew the plan. Firstly, I was going to get a bottle to drink that would disguise me as a Demoness, which was a female demon. Then, Vince was going to open a portal to City of Hell using the ingredients. We were taking several disguises just in case.

I nodded and he continued.

‘Okay, these three bottles,’ he pointed at three bright green bottles, ‘are your disguises. They will disguise you as three different Demoness with three different looks,’ he explained.

I nodded.

‘This candle,’ he picked up a full purple candle, ‘will make anything it comes in contact with more powerful.’

I gazed at the beautiful candle that reminded me of the colour of grapes. I watched as he picked up a moonstone and held it up to the light.

‘This stone helps with transportation and control’ he muttered.

I watched him place the stone down on the floor with gentleness almost like a mother handling her child.

‘And this is,’ he held up a bottle with light purple coloured oil in it, ‘lavender oil. It helps power it all,’ he finished.

I nodded again, taking everything he was saying like a soldier listening to his officer. He took a big breath before asking,

‘So, now. Do you want to know everything about City of Hell?’

I nodded for the fourth time. He looked at me like I was some crazy person but continued anyway.

‘Okay, first thing you need to know is you can’t trust anyone. The only way you can know that they are nice is doing this with our hands.’

I watched him clutch his hand in a fist then let go and wiggled his fingers. I thought the gesture was funny but I shocked myself by thinking of other things.

‘There are nice creatures of the dark?’ I questioned.

‘Yes, anyway, the second thing you need to know is that the City of Hell is broken into five cities. The first one is in the middle of the City of Hell. It’s the largest city in there and it’s called City of Demons, do you understand?’ he spoke smoothly.

‘Yes, but how do you get from one city to the next?’ I asked; it seemed weird to have five cities bunched together.

‘There are portals set up in each of the cities,’ he answered

‘Cool,’ I said fervently.

He looked at me again like I was a crazy person. Annoyed, I glared at him. He turned his face away from me, but not fast enough to hide his small smile from me.

He handed me one of the green bottles and a sack that he purchased from a gothic looking shop before we came back to my house.

‘Drink this, and then put the clothes in the sack on,’ he ordered. ‘I’ll be in the hallway.’

He got up and turned to go.

‘Wait, isn’t there anything else I need to know?’ I asked

‘No, everything else is in the book by Lisa’s sister.’ He answered.

He left and I let out a relief sigh, this was not easy. Reaching into the bag, I pulled out a black suit that looked feminine in its own way. Although it was three times bigger than me, I assumed that it would fit after I took the potion from the emerald bottle.

I turned it over in my hands examining the green liquid inside. Unhurriedly, I pulled the cork off and tipped the fluid into my mouth and nearly choked on it. The taste was so foul I nearly threw it up on the carpet, it tasted like mould. An acid feeling spurted from my stomach and felt myself grow steadily taller.

Running to the mirror, I watched my caramel hair fade into a fiery red, and my brown eyes lighten into a bottle green. Muscles sprouted from my arms, I pulled up my top to see my usually flat stomach develop a six pack. A bang came from the door, along with,

‘Are you done yet?’

Vince sounded half impatience, half annoyed.

‘Yes,’ I said.

He stormed in, not sparing a glance in my direction. He got to work and placed the purple candle in the middle of the dish on top of the stone, and then he filled the dish with the Lavender oil. He held his hand over the candle. Suddenly flames jumped to life and flickered lively.

A big reddish hole ripped through the middle of my room and Vince went over to it. Hurriedly, I grabbed my bag and rushed over to him and the hole.

‘Ladies first,’ he announced, gesturing for me to go first.

I stared at it, a sick gut feeling in my now six pack chest. Something hard shoved against my back, thrusting me into the hole. I let out a piercing scream.

CHAPTER 4

I shot out of the hole and slammed onto the ground, clutching my stomach.

‘Finally,' Vince muttered.

I got up and went over to him and hit him hard in the chest. He hissed at me.

‘What was that for!’ he growled.

‘You pushed me!’

‘No I didn’t!’

‘Who else did it then? The ghost in my room? You were the only one there!’

He glared at me, turned around and thundered off in the opposite direction.

‘HEY!’ I yelled, confused.

When he didn’t stop I sprinted after him and grabbed him by the shoulder. He tensed.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’ I asked him.

He turned around and faced me, eyes serious.

‘You only made me promise to get you into the City of Hell, that’s all, that’s our deal.’

I felt myself shatter as I realised what he was saying.

‘But...But I need your help to find Lisa.’

He shrugged his shoulders and continued walking.

‘Wait, please help me,’ I whined, trailing after him.

As I ran he suddenly turned into smoke, leaving me here. Alone. In a place I knew nothing about. Looking around, I noticed that I was in the middle of nowhere. Everywhere around me were miles and miles of trees.

Tears streamed down my face, I couldn’t believe Vince had left me. I looked at the map he had given to me, he had marked where the black hole had taken us, which was just south of the Demon part of Hell.

I walked into the gloomy forest; I wish Vince were here to help me. More tears ran down my face. Stop thinking about him, I told myself.

A rustle came from behind me; I spun around to see two normal looking people. A teenage blonde boy and a brunette girl; they crashed into me, knocking me off my feet.

A third boy came out from the trees, smirking. At that moment I noticed the two long canine teeth pointing out. Vampires, I thought.

‘Well, well, well, what do we have here?’ he spoke.

He stalked towards me, sniffing the air.

‘A Demoness, yum,’ he said, licking his lips.

His red eyes eyed my throat hungrily.

‘Pick her up and let’s get her back to the cave. I’m just starving to have a Demoness.’

The blonde flung me over his icy rigid shoulder; the girl stared at me for moment, drool dripping out of her mouth and onto her black blouse. Rapidly, she struck me in the face with her hand, knocking me into darkness.

* * *

I awoke with the greeting of red eyes staring me in the face and chilly breath blowing on my face. The red eyes laughed before drawing away from my face, and leaving the room. Or should I say cave because that is exactly where I was and it was freezing cold.

I struggled, trying to get up and realised that I was bound by copper ropes. Shifting my back on the stone square that I was laying on, I tried to look around, but was unsuccessful.

‘You have finally woken up, Demoness. It’s about time too, I enjoy listening to your screams when I bite creatures like you, I enjoy it very much,’ said the third boy from the forest.

He came up to my face smiling and blowing his decaying, cold breath in my face.

‘Now tell me your name, Demoness,’ he ordered.

I looked at him, unsure what to say since Vince and I never came up with a fake name.

‘Don’t want to tell?’ he cooed, 'that’s okay, I probably won’t remember it anyway.’

He lent in to my neck and bit down on the vein that lived there. I screamed, the screams slowly turning into sobs. The pain was unbearable, spreading through body like an uncontrollable wave. I screamed until my breath was hoarse, yet he continued.

‘Please,’ I moaned in between screams,’ Please, please...PLEASE!’

Abruptly, the pressure on my neck was gone, but the pain was still there. Vince threw the vampire across the room.

He grabbed an axe and clashed it down onto the copper chains binding my hands and legs. He lifted me up and pressed me against his comforting chest. I sobbed into his shirt, holding onto his firm chest with all my might and never wanting to let go.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Vince voice muttered in my ear, ‘so sorry.’

He pushed me off his chest and examined my neck which was gushing with blood. He lifted me off the stone and tried to stand me up. My legs wobbled like jelly, yet with every step I took, I they grew steadier.

‘We have to get out of here,’ he muttered.

‘You’re not going anywhere!’ screeched the vampire.

When we were talking, the crazy vampire had gotten up into a crouching position. He flung himself at Vince, knocking us both to the ground. The vampire snapped at Vince’s arm and tried to sink his teeth into Vince’s flesh.

‘Run,’ grasped Vince, pushing me away from the horrific scene.

I couldn’t leave him though, even if he’d done the same thing to me, I just couldn’t. I looked around the cave for some weapon I could use, yet the only thing I could find were the copper chains which had been fastened around my arms a moment before.

I snatched them up and whipped them across the vampires back, causing him to scream out in agony. Vince, using this second of distraction, shot up and seized the chains from me.

For a moment I thought he was going to use it on the beast and started to close my eyes (I didn’t want to see it). Vince flung the vamp across the room. He raised his hand, palm straight up, and whispered a few foreign words that I could not hear.

At that moment, the vampire sprung into black rancid flames. He screamed and screeched as the flames licked hungrily at his skin, subsequently turning him into black ash.

‘Let’s go,’ Vince said, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the exit.

We ran down the dark, dank tunnel, running for our lives. Then, we smashed into two solid cold bricks and crashed to the ground.

‘Whoops are you two alright?’ a chilly voice asked.

I looked up to see that the cold bricks were actually, in fact, vampires and screamed. But my scream didn’t last long because Vince wrapped his hand around my mouth quickly and whispered,

‘Shush!’

I gazed up at him, confused and he just got up (hand still wrapped around my mouth) and rushed past them... and they followed. Vince kept going, obviously aware they were still following us.

Finally we moved towards the exit, light gleaming welcomely. I was disappointed when Vince stopped and faced the two vampires, also letting go of my mouth.

‘Where is your cave?’ he asked the two vampires.

‘South-west, keep going until you see it,’ he answered.

Vince nodded and turned to me.

‘Do you trust me?’ he questioned.

I was still unsure what he was going to do and yet I nodded. He advanced towards me and tossed me over his shoulder. He then turned towards the vampires and said,

‘Race you there.’ And we were off.

* * *

By time they got there, the vampires were already sitting outside their cave, smirking.

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you beat me, who cares?’ Vince admitted, smiling.

They both had blonde hair and red eyes, the only difference between them was that one was a girl and the other was a boy.

‘Sophie, this is Maylee and Terrance,’ Vince introduced.

They held out their hands and laughed when they saw me eye them wearily.

‘It’s okay Sophie, they’re friends,’ Vince assured.

Instead of shaking their out-stretched hands, I turned to him and glared.

‘What are you doing here?’ I questioned, rudely.

I know he just saved my life but he owed me an explanation. Maylee and Terrance looked at each other knowingly like they had seen this millions of times before and got up.

‘We’ll leave you guys alone so you can catch up,’ he declared.

He and Maylee went into the cave, leaving us glaring at each other.

‘What do you mean, what am I doing here?’ he demanded.

‘You ran off on me, remember?’ I said, sniffy.

He shook his head, not angry but seemingly, frustrated.

‘I’m not talking about this,’ he declared.

I stared at him expectedly; he had to explain didn’t he? He looked at me for a second and walked into the cave, not sparing a glance in my direction.

I followed him in, upset that he didn’t tell me why he came back for me. We came to an opening covered by a single thin faded blanket. Vince pushed it aside and led me into a comfy looking lounge.

The vampires, I mean Maylee and Terrance, was sitting on a black leather couch and was chatting fervently. Vince sat down next to them and turned to me, eyes staring at me meaningfully.

‘I think I know where Lisa is,’ he announced.

CHAPTER 5

My heart leaped at the unexpected, yet fantastic news.

‘Where, where is she?’ I demanded, excited beyond reason.

‘There was a rumour that a group of Demons brang in a human last night,’ he stated.

‘Yeah, yeah, but where?’ I questioned, impatiently.

Who cares about that? All I care about was where she was.

‘They say she been taken to Kalra,’ he answered.

‘Well that’s it you guys better just give up now,’ Terrance verified.

I looked at him, opening my mouth in disbelief.

‘What do you mean we should give up?’ I protested, frantically.

‘Kalra is a dangerous place for a human like you,’ he said.

I swallowed, how had he known I was a human. Vince noticed my alarmed expression and quickly explained,

‘I told them everything.’

Terrance and Maylee nodded in unison, I shook my head. How could he trust them? They must have done something to acquire his trust, something he clearly didn’t want to discuss.

‘Anyway, Kalra is basically a carnival that...’

‘That doesn’t sound bad, let’s go,’ I interjected.

I rose to my feet, only to land back on the couch after Vince pulled back.

‘Listen!’ he instructed firmly.

‘A carnival that tortures the souls of people, who had died and had gone to Hell,’ Terrance added, wisely.

My heart sank at that information; Lisa would be going through Hell in that place.

‘We have to go and save her!’ I cried.

Terrance and Maylee shared a long look before turning to Vince who seemed to be fighting conflicting emotions.

‘Please Vince,’ I pleaded.

He looked at me before letting out a sigh, a defeated sigh.

‘Okay, but on one condition,’ he warned.

I nodded, excitement creeping across my entire body.

‘You stay here,’ he proclaimed.

Anger flitted through me. No way, I’m going, I thought. I shook my head.

‘I’m coming with you,’ I said, firmly.

I crossed my arms, hoping I looked stubborn and he would rethink his proposition. However, I was disappointed.

‘No, that’s the offer, if you don’t want it that’s your choice then.’

‘Why!’

‘Because Kalra is a very dangerous place for you and I don’t want you going there.’

‘Please?’

‘No!’

I balled by hands into fists, how could he, she was my friend, not his and for a fact, she hated him.

‘Do you or do you not want me to save you friend?’ he asked.

I nodded in fake submission and smiled to myself. I’ll sneak around and follow him. I was just thinking about a plan to follow Vince without getting caught, when I was swallowed up by darkness and fainted.

* * *

I opened my eyes, everything was blurry and fuzzy. A hazy black- haired person leaned over me. I could tell he was a male from his muscled body structure and his wide shoulders, even in the dim light.

‘Where am I?’ I asked the handsome guy.

My vision was getting clearer and clearer each second.

‘Sophie, you’re in City of Hell, remember?’ he prompted.

Suddenly everything came back to me, Lisa, the Demons, City of Hell and Vince.

‘Oh,’ I said, weakly, ‘what happened?’

‘We forgot you lost a lot of blood and you fainted,’ Vince answered.

I lifted myself up and found I was still a bit groggy.

‘You should take it easy,’ Vince muttered, putting a steady hand on my shoulder.

I then noticed the backpack on his shoulder and realised what was happening.

‘You’re going to Kalra now aren’t you?’ I asked, suspiciously.

He sighed.

‘Yes and you’re going to stay here,’ he ordered.

‘But-’

‘No buts.’

He got up and left the room. As soon as he was gone, I lifted myself up and ran across to the tunnel. It was hard when I was still dizzy, yet I had to follow him.

After, twenty minutes or so I got up and went to catch up with him. Once I found him I followed him through the forest; he made it easier by walking slow and not his fast Demon walk. He was too absorbed in his own thoughts to actually see a person ducking behind trees and following him.

That was good because I definitely did not want him to see me and send me back home. I scattered after him like some creepy stalker.

‘I told you to stay in the cave!’ Vince scowled.

‘I want to find Lisa!’ I shouted at him. He shook his head and turned his back on me.

We were standing on the path outside Kalra and I couldn’t help but shiver every time I looked at it. It had to be the worst place on earth, or, er, Hell.

‘Let’s go then, you annoying little...’ he trailed off.

He stalked forward, not looking back. Everything was gloomy; there were dead trees on the sides of the path and fog everywhere.

A wolf somewhere growled and I grabbed Vince’s arm, only to have him shove me away.

‘You decided to follow me,’ he snarled- sounding exactly like the wolf but more ferocious.

Screams could be heard everywhere and every time we came close to “haunted house” they got louder. I now realised why Vince didn’t want me to come.

We came across another “haunted house” and moved towards it. When we were just outside of the door, Vince seized my sleeve and pulled me to the side.

‘Listen here, what I say, you do! Do you understand?’ he directed.

I nodded and went in. Once we were inside, Vince trotted up to a reception sort of thing to talk to a Demoness there. I looked around the depressing place and felt that I was going to be sick.

The place smelled of rotting rat poo and drafts of cold air hugged me out of nowhere. The walls looked like they were put together by square rocks and glue. It was also very dim in here with only the light of candles to guide anyone.

‘Let’s go,’ muttered Vince, who had come up from behind me when I was observing.

We ambled up the cold stone steps and turned down a shadowy corridor. When we reached a heavy metal black door, Vince turned to me.

‘Stay out here, do not move, do not talk and stay. Right. Here,’ he ordered.

I nodded, annoyance flitted across my mind; I didn’t like being spoken to like a little child.

He walked through the door, screaming came from the room and I ignored it. I hated this place, it was horrible and I wanted to leave. I hope Lisa isn’t here; I hope the rumour was just a rumour and not true.

‘What ar’ ‘ou doing ‘ere?’ said a husky voice.

I turned to face a massive Demon, who was looking at me puzzlingly and yet still looking terrifying.

He advanced towards me, grabbed my arms and pulled them behind my back. I gasped in pain.

‘Ou’re not supposed to be ‘ere,’ he snarled.

He smelled foul, like he hadn’t washed since birth. I tried to scream but he wrapped his hand around my mouth.

‘I’ll show ‘ou for trespas’ing,’ he sneered.

He dragged me down the corridor, I scrambled against him and his fist came up. Next thing I knew his fist collided with my right cheek and darkness blanked my vision.

* * *

My eyes fluttered open; the Demon carried a container in his hand. I noticed that in were Gladflies; horrible creatures that were blind yet could dig into your skin until it went into the heart and ate it whole.

The Demon brang the container of Gladflies closer and closer to my body. They snapped their big pointy yellow teeth and were making squeaky eerie sounds. Their blind eyes were searching for the skin of the heart they could hear, which was my own.

The Demon reached into the container and pulled a Gladfly from in between his fingers.

‘Ere’s a taster,’ he said, crazily.

He threw the Gladfly at me; it landed on by arm and started chomping on it. I screamed in agony; the pain was unbelievable, it felt like a thousand rusty nails being jabbed in to my arm and twisted repeatedly.

‘STOP, PLEASE STOP!’ I shrieked.

The Gladfly dug into my skin, appearing as a lump as it crawled up my arm. Out of the blue, a hand wrapped itself around my arm and stopped the Gladfly in its tracks.

I looked up into Vince’s anxious face and sighed with relief. He held a knife in his palm and with one quick slash, slit open my skin. Blood dripped from my arm and the Gladfly flew out.

Quick as a snake, he grabbed it and curled his fingers over it. With a satisfying crunch, Vince opened his fingers and showed a dead Gladfly, its navy blue blood dripping over the edges of his palm.

The crazy Demon came over and for a moment I thought he was going attack him. Instead of doing what I feared, he cupped Vince on the shoulder and said,

‘Sorry ‘bout that ‘ate, did’int know ‘ou ‘ad a girl’end.’

He smiled pleasantly and gave me a wink before leaving through the side door. Vince untied me and raced to the door, dragging me behind him.

‘Wait, what about Lisa?’ I asked.

‘She’s not here, now move.’

He pulled me along the corridor, not noticing the disappointing look on my face.

* * *

The fire flickered between Vince and I. Terrance and Maylee had gone hunting and left us alone. We hadn’t spoken to each other for a whole hour.

It had taken long to get out of Kalra and when we had; the vampires were outside waiting for us. I got yelled at by the vampires and Vince, telling me how stupid I was. I didn’t care though, I got what I wanted.

I stared at Vince, he was so dashing in his own way, but that wasn’t why I was looking at him. I question was still in my head.

‘Are you sure Lisa wasn’t there?’ I asked.

I saw something in him crack; he stood and came over to me. He leaned down and faced me; every word he said took him a large amount of control not to yell at me.

‘No. She. Isn’t. There.’

He glared at me, his face so close to mine that our noses were touching. He then pressed his lips to mine. I entwined my fingers in his hair, stroking the softness; I had wanted to touch the silkiness for so long. He wrapped his arms around and pulled my into a close embrace.

‘Sophie,’ he muttered.

He pulled his lips away from mine and made a trail of kisses from my collarbone to my ear. He stopped at my ear and nibbled on it tenderly. I moved one of my hands from his hair and I put it up his top, caressing his soft but firm muscles.

‘What are you guys doing?’ Terrance asked.

He and Maylee had returned from hunting and were standing right in front of us. Vince pulled me off him and picked up his bag.

‘You guys ready? Let’s get going,’ he announced.

He walked off in to the forest. Terrance looked at me for a moment before following copying him.

Maylee gave me a pity glance and was just about to follow her brother when she turned back and asked,

‘Are you okay?’

I nodded, a lump in my throat; tears in my eyes were threatening to emerge.

She looked at me one more time and then left me. I felt humiliated and sad. I also hated Vince for doing that. I hated him.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Vettan
Review
Vettan wrote a review · Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:55 pm

Good job on the story. I have read the first chapter and there are a few aspects in the presentation of the story that I was a little unsure about. I am not sure if you intended it that way but for me the atmosphere is somewhat light and not very tense. From the premise of the story I expected a darker and more tense atmosphere throughout which, I think, would have been more effective. Your first sentence was good and piqued my interest but subsequent explanation about how water is special was uninteresting. Further more, I did not like how the character was attempting to justify her views to the readers at the very start; it felt misplaced and unneeded. In the novels and short stories were there is a premise for strong action moments I felt a little disappointed that you disclosed how the water will affect demons; I would have preferred to "see" it in action rather than read about it beforehand. In the first few paragraphs there was also a strong and sudden shift of emotions that left me confused. It is especially evident in the tone of the first and second paragraph. The first paragraph sets, to me, a light tone, even a little happy one. All of the sudden in a single sentence of the second paragraph the tone changes to very dark and sad. To me such shift is too sudden. You needed at least few sentences to help transition the reader from one tone to the other.
Keep writing and improving :)

User avatar
Butterfly18
Review

Hello, FutureFamousWriter.

First of all, I like the story. It reminds me of Supernatural.

Things I noticed about your writing is that you tell a lot, don't show enough.

Also, you mentioned about my closing line to the sample of my work you read, you need to do the same thing. Your opening and closing lines need to peak interest and the opening line especially needs to demand attention. Something someone wouldn't ignore it they opened a book and started reading.

So, that all in mind, I'm going to go through your first chapter and give my opinion. :)

This is where it should start.
My proof, I watched my sister, Mary, get dragged into a black hole or portal by teenage boys with spiky tails coming out of their spines and black shiny horns sticking out of their heads. Oh, and did I mention the eyes? They had black, unfathomable eyes that seemed to see into my very soul.

Though, it should be simpler, with less attention dedicated to the demons' appearance. Less is more and the least amount of description you give about them, is going to make them feel mysterious. For example,

Demons dragged my sister into darkness, to hell.

Sound better? You've got demons, people can make their own assumption about what they look like at this point. It's going to invoke sympathy with the fact they took the main character's sister away, and hell.
Even simpler is to cut, to hell, and just have, Demons dragged my sister into darkness.

After this, I'm confused about where the MC (Main Character) was at the time this happened. Where was she watching from when they took her sister? Why is she summoning the demons? How long ago did they take her? Why does she know the incantation is going to work? Also, I'm unsure of the MC's age.

I think, just my opinion of course and for example's sake, you should do the opening chapter something like this.

Demons dragged my sister into darkness. I couldn't do anything to help, just cried as they took her away. I'd spent the last two weeks studying her journal. From everything, like how to kill werewolves to how to summon a freak from hell. It was time for payback.

I think since they're demons, they'd have some kind of special ability/powers. So I think if you summon one, that'd be better. Also, how does she summon the right ones, does she need to know their names? or does she need something of theirs, a hair, something?

I'm not sure if your MC is the type to get physical or just cower so either way here are some examples of what could happen next.

She could summon one of them, (give a bit of an explanation on how she summons the right one) and then it gets trapped in the circle of salt. Depending on her age, I mean I just thought of it now, she could put the Nile water in a water gun and when the demon says something she doesn't like or stuffs around and doesn't answer her questions she could squirt it with the water, acid and everything. Lol. Otherwise you could just have her flick it from the bottle. Either way, you could show her personality with this bit by how aggressive or not aggressive she is.

And that's all my advice for today on this piece. Hope it helps in some way, and if you have any questions, just let me know. :)



My existence is political. And love is my statement.
— Kevin Abstract