Bryr

Oh my GOD!!! that is the funniest thing I ever heard. It should be a featured work. I laughed so hard!!! That was a true story?!?! I'm so sorry!!! But ...

I don't like the use of the metaphor 'nervous as a soldier about to fight' I think it's overkill. I would use something like 'nervous as a matador about to ...

I would suggest changing came a single movement, fast as a hare. to came a single movement, fast and rare. but that's just a suggestion. :xd:

I really liked this poem. It was soft and mournful. It felt like it was effortless because of the composition style. The phonetic-ness of the thump's both tied it together ...