Cunkushion

When I was about 6 years old, I was a very hyper child. I ran around a lot at recess. I chased others, I was chased, and I even chased myself. (Which is more entertaining than it sounds.) And, being 6, I got the bright idea to run under the monkey bars. We all know what small children like to do on monkey bars... Swing upside down. And while the swinger was swinging the runner (me) was running. It was not a good situation.

I was immediately carted off to the sick room, where the janitor tried to look busy by checking me for a concussion. Apparently she had a lot of experience in the matter.

Well, in the janitor's esteemed opinion I did have one. So, my mother, who worked at the school, took me to the doctor's office to make sure. About thirty seconds after getting in the car I began to vomit. With us in the car was a tiny grocery bag used for trash. I quickly filled it up, then the floor, and mother dear asked me quite nicely to please throw up out the window Well, we got to the doctor's office. Dr. Shmitt took one look at me and said to get to the hospital before I barfed on his carpet. I was kind enough to barf on his carpet anyway.

Well, we got to the hospital, and by that time I was done. And, to make me even happier, I got to ride in a wheelchair! Every small child's dream!

Unfortunatly, that was the high point of the day.....

Hospitals involve needles. There is no way around it, so, when I was "safely" in a hospital bed, the nurse got her's out. I wasn't too happy 'bout that. The nurse grabbed my wrist, I tensed up, she plunged the spear into my flesh.....

And missed the vein.

I was so tense that my very veins were armored. That big-ass needle couldn't puncture my delicate wrist veins. So the nurse had to try again... and again... and again. She stabbed the same six-year old twelve times before it eventually hit right, but when it hit right, hot damn, I counted to three and was out.

Well, while I was asleep, Nurse got a brilliant idea. For some strange reason, she decided to flip me over, part the back of the skimpy hospital gown I was wearing, and plunge a seven-inch long needle into my derriere. Why she had to do this, is to this day, a mystery.

When I awoke, Nurse got another brilliant idea. And she decided that this idea was too brilliant for me to stay asleep. So after I was rid of the anastesia...The nurse got out her big rubber... glove and stretched it over her hand. *snap...*

then flipped me over

parted my hospital gown

and plunged her finger into my rectum.

I still have no idea what all this had to do with my brain.

(true story)