Published February 27, 2010
The Train
As I lay in bed,
I hear the familiar tread
Thump…thump…thump…
The train passes,
I wonder if I was on it.
Thump…thump…thump…
…To go away, to quit.
Thump… To forget,
Would they follow? Thump… thump… maybe, someday,
I will jump on that train,
And go far away.
Thump…thump…thump…
Hypnotic nights, it’s right on time… thump…
So I lie in bed, and am wooed by its tread
Thump…Thump…thump…
The engines untimely whistle breaks me
from my reverie. So I’ll sleep another night,
and wait for my train.
Thump…thump…thump…thump…thump…
Maybe, someday, I’ll leave and go far away…
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I agree with Bryr in that it is soft and mournful. Its a pretty poem with a great meaning to it. You seem to be really good at that, putting a really good thought or meaning behind a poem. The fact that its on or about a train makes it easy to visualize and relate to. The words are simple but the regular "......'s" make it beautiful. To me, it seems the person is not only in bed but nearly falling asleep just in the way the thump keeps on interrupting the thoughts , like the thumping keeps waking the person up. The dots also help to show this. I like the way the train doesn't just get mentioned as a noisy train, but it also becomes that way for the person to
. Can't really find much wrong with it other than it could have more of a structure and rhyming pattern, if you haven't already than you might learn about these in English. Otherwise i would say you could Google it and then read a few classic poems e.g from Wordsworth, Keats etc and try and identify the structure, anyway its just a suggestion. Well done againI really liked this poem. It was soft and mournful. It felt like it was effortless because of the composition style. The phonetic-ness of the thump's both tied it together and pulled it apart, making it distanced from the reader, but overall it was very tasty.
This is a pretty good poem. You seem kinda new to the poem stuff(I am X3), so if you are this is lovely. The story to it is clear, the thing that makes me wonder is why the person want to get away. Poetry is lovely that way. Good job, keep it up! :3