Brian

Hey Brian, Long time no see. Good to hear from you again. I suspect most people aren't commenting on this because most aren't reading it because, as you said, it's ...

I thought that it was pretty good, although very heavy on dialogue moving the plot along. But then again, the dialogue was enjoyable. I don't really have all that much ...

One thing I forgot... While the dialogue was a bit stale, I loved the voices that you gave the characters. You gave them a distinct way of sounding without describing ...

I think this should be rated R. This was great. Every line moved smoothly from one to the next and as Darkersarah said, you really have an idea of who ...

"She was your confident, " Think it should be 'confidante.' You wrote this full of emotion, and it shows in the poem; it has passion. It's intense and spellbinding.

Oh thanks a lot Brian! Actually though the one you commented on wasn't the chapter one to this story. I'll go back and put the title on it for you. ...

So, what I'm going for is unexpected, but easily imaginable? I wanted to avoid giving any advice since it's only my opinion, and an opinion that seems to differ from ...

I liked it. It was somewhat humorous, and you did a great job with tone and diction.

How can I make the humor better, as in language, timing, etc.? The part about the homeless man staring back at the speaker was funny because it was so unexpected, ...

You did a good job with this! It's funny and creative.

I thought that this was great! You got in the wrong forum, should be in poetry, but no biggie. The flow is done well and the dialogue is excellent.

I have nothing else to add besides what backgroundbob wrote. The poem is well done, and the sensual imagery is great. The very last line is a bit awkward, but ...

Very original and well done! You made it sound quite real.

Very analytical Snoink! Great poem! Thought it was hilarious, and I like the symbolism here as well.

I really have nothing more to add other than what Caligula already said. The imagery here is great and you got some truly excellent lines here. You should try getting ...