PUNKY’S DILEMMA
Screaming, blue bloody murder into the phone, just one more time but I’m on fire tonight, I’m on a roll. We’ll see how many hearts I can break, how my friends I can leave in tears, how many women I can leave tangled in sheets and blood. I’m the nice type. I live for this.
Grin, skin, and lead ‘em in; don’t have to be the smoothest out there, just the most obvious. Make ‘em notice you, make all the whore and sluts on Easy Street crane their necks ‘till you can break ‘em. Make all the nice girls think thoughts Momma wouldn’t dream of. It ain’t beauty. It ain’t finesse. They can smell you before they can see you, and animal magnetism’s only for the loudest in the crowd. Forget your lean squeaky clean pop-star routine, drop Mr. Nice off a bridge, because there ain’t no time for film star good looks. ‘Lights, camera, action,’ hell. No strings, no lights, and let the action roll; I’ll always remember you because you were just like all the rest. But I won’t tell you that ‘till later, even if you already know. Love.
It ain’t an act, though, it ain’t a mask behind which the real man lurketh, oh no: there isn’t a place your guard goes down. Home, you da man; work, you da man; town, you da man, just gotta keep runnin’ a little more each time while you look like you’re strolling. Can’t risk giving a false impression, ‘cause you’re never showin’ anything but; can’t calm down, no middle ground, soon you’ll be sky high takin’ the high line and ready to die. Drink, don’t think don’t dream ‘cause you’ll never sleep alone.
The world isn’t big enough for two of us, simple maths. Share yourself with many and your life with none, that’s the trick, or so they tell me. Strike a chord, give me a beat and this is my job, nine ‘till five except on weekdays when I’m beating the living shit out of the next guy in the queue. Bruised and blue’s a good way to be, long as you don’t tell; high five, down low, to the side, pull a knife. I was an emo kid once, but I got tired of cutting me: half the fun’s the look on the faces.
I ain’t the kind of guy to testify to the worthiness of life: spin me a lie and a wild ride for a lorry-back hi-fi, never yet been one to deny. Don’t give the kids an inch, ‘cause everyone knows we wish you were never born. Too much to say, too much to fight for, too much like us; ain’t no surprise, just a little weird when the brick’s comin’ back through your window. Hand-in-glove, each one biting the other; shoe’s on the other foot now.
Jump start your mind with a white line every morning, joke with ‘em about how far you can go: everyone’s got the same fears. Hard man, hard times, still workin’ the old lines. No-one sees the real you, not that you’d want ‘em to, ‘cause by the time you’re done coverin’ up, what you’re showin’ off it all you got. And sure as blood’s red, sure as coke’s white, sure as you can see God laughing out the corner of your eye; sure as hell, nobody gives a damn.
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,422 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Okay so this one is somewhat confusing to me. Not sure if I'm just not understanding what's going but it just didn't seem to telling too much to me. The overall flow also didn't feel as smooth as it should be to me. It's just a little off. Other than though its doing a decent job of conveying emotion at least.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's a....violent opening that you have there. If anything it is very good at hooking the reader to see what on Earth this crazed is going on about with so much blood and murder.
Uhh...somewhat confused there as to exactly what on Earth is going on here. All I can tell is that bad things are happening.
Sudden accent change is sudden. This story is quite disorienting so far.
And now he is narrating about himself. So okay....
Not sure that last part was meant to be some kind of pep talk or whatever because I didn't really feel much from that.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Ya so like i said I'm not getting the message of this story but I can see that you are characterizing this one man and I can definitely see that you are doing a great with showing his emotions and personality through the thoughts that he has so that's a plus. Overall a pretty decent little story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Whoa, it is pretty good. Every line does flow nicely with each other. I liked it a lot. I wish I could say more... but there isn't anything coming. Meh...
I think this should be rated R.
This was great. Every line moved smoothly from one to the next and as Darkersarah said, you really have an idea of who this character is.
I love the fact that you really know who this character is. I'm not crazy about all the "aint's" even though I totally understand it's for the characterization of this person. I just don't like the word. And I'm from Mississippi. Maybe that's why I hate it so much, eh? I want to know more about this character and how he breaks his edge, IF he breaks his edge, and what's all this love stuff he's talking about? I mean, what's it doing to him?
I'd like to break through his facade and see something mushier and more emotional.
But I like your style, a lot. I mean, I like the fact that you have this guy down pat in this piece of prose. I like short quips of prose. Those are some of the most fun and most enlightened pieces you can read. Can't think of any off the top of my head...but good job. This makes me want to read some more of your stuff.