Brian

A couple pieces of advice when posting a chapter two (or three, or four, or whatever): 1. Always include a link to the previous chapter(s) at the very beginning. I ...

I thought that you did a good job with this. There are some typos, such as: "I jolted awake and sighed as I drug myself out of my bed and ...

Pretty good :) "I’m living the moment, The moment is now. " This part sounded redundant as you've already implied the second line in the first line. "A romance, with ...

Very descriptive :) The story was very confusing to me at first. I had no idea what was going on in the beginning, and although you did clear it up, ...

Instead of being an echo, I'm just going to say I agree completly with duskglimmer. In addition, though... "“Why do some people get the raw end of the deal and ...

23 children......... Is that normal????? lol I thought it was an enjoyable read! Some of it's pretty funny, and it's interesting throughout. Too short, though; you need to flesh it ...

Too much passive voice. "It was still raining hard, but the wind had come up. I had to shield my eyes from the stinging drops of water." In this, I ...

I thought that this was really good! The plot is well-done, and well thought out. Your descriptions are vivid, and you characters are life-like. You obviously put care into this ...

"gets a few odd j.obs" I think something is misspelled here ;) Really good! It's like a rant, but it's too structured to be a rant. It's wonderfully written and ...

Great job at conveying so much information without it sounding like a history lesson. You told me everything about why Clara Barton was important, why she started the American Red ...

The opening was too slow and too overbearing. "I was the town hero since I abolished the slavery of the local piano tuners by dropping one of their recently admitted ...

Looks like you really took the time to go back and edit the stuff people talked about. I can't stand when writers don't implement someone elses corrections, or, if they ...

Gotta give replies time ;) This story reminds me very much of my Uncle. He has an IQ of 185, but when you get that intelligent, you begin to question ...

"proxcimity" is spelled wrong. There's no 'c.' I really liked this. It's a really good snapshot of all the feelings, emotions, and imagery that takes place in what probably is ...

It's interesting and different, but it's kind of stale. The following sentence was awkward: "Treason, as C. confided in me, is ridiculously hard to prove, especially when their facts are ...