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BlueJayWalker10

  • Novel / Chapter » Fanfiction, Realistic Re: Sparrow's Song Chapter 1 (Saiunkoku)

    Hey! I'm Jay, your friendly neighborhood critic! So, this is a fantastic work! Great job. I've spotted very few things I think should be changed. This is one of them: ...

    Feb 28, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, Fantasy Re: War of Dawn - Chapter 5

    Okay. Alll riiiiiiiight. First off, hey there! I'm Jay, your friendly neighborhood critic! So, your first paragraph feels a little awkward to me. "About a month has passed since Hilda ...

    Feb 28, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » General, Fantasy Re: Thorns Of Destiny - Chapter One

    Hey! Jay here, your friendly critic! This is a really good first chapter! Most stories I read I don't even bother to finish the chapter, I'll be honest. (Too many ...

    Feb 6, 2016
  • Short Story » Dramatic, Realistic Re: Ashes of Eden

    Hello, Jay here, your friendly critic! I must say, this is a really good idea! Fascinating concept! I don't have much that I really can correct. . . . Though ...

    Feb 6, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » Dramatic, Romantic Re: She Wishes: Chapter One

    Hello, Jay here, your friendly critic! I'm going to admit--Still being in love with someone who rejected you and goes out with your best friend. . . Where have I ...

    Jan 30, 2016
  • Short Story » Science Fiction, Narrative Re: The Setting For One Of Our Murderous Scenes

    Hey hey hey, it's me, Jay, your friendly critic! This-was-FANTASTIC! I'm not a huge apocalypse person. I never much liked reading stories about somebody/the world recovering from things like that. ...

    Jan 30, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Fanfiction Re: The Quest for Fire Book One ~ Into the Mists Chapter 1

    Hey, Jay here, your friendly critic! This was fairly eye-catching, I must admit. However, I feel there are a few problems that I feel I must point out. It was ...

    Jan 30, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » Supernatural, Romantic Re: Vampires of Vancity- Chapter 1

    Hey, Jay here, your friendly critic! So, I must say--this is intriguing. (The majority of the stories here are.) I like your hook line at the beginning--caught my attention right ...

    Jan 27, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Dramatic Re: This City of Glass (1) - Go Ahead

    Hey, this was great! I'm a HUGE fan of the series by Cassandra Clare "The Mortal Instruments" and the third book is called "City of Glass"--So I knew I HAD ...

    Jan 27, 2016
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: The Void - Chapter 1

    Dude, this is amazing! I've never much been into reading a story that seems to be emotional and difficult like this but I'm really interested in this one. The plot ...

    Jan 25, 2016


If you don't sign up for a review team, you're basically saying you're okay with canine amphibian metamorphosis.
— Nate