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Vampires of Vancity- Chapter 1

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Her grip around the steering wheel got tighter as the night got darker. Her heartbeat quickened as she drove past the University and into the woods, she was always nervous when she drove into the forest. She despised going into the woods at night, she always feared that a corpse might abruptly jump out of the dark woods and crash into her headboard.

Abril Crane lived in Vancity, a city were the cold air pierced throughout the year, but there was never a sign of snow, or sunlight in that sense. Numerous mountains and woods covered most of the area. The city was luxurious with its medieval universities and structures.

Abril was a part of the most prosperous, luxury university in the whole country: Blue Lake University Of Nobles. When the university offered her a place, she had burst with joy and even cried in happiness. Like she anticipated, the University provided everything she wished for. But the problem was the city; she loathed the city because it never provided enough sunlight, and the desolate woods that spread through most of the city, always signalled possible danger.

"Abril, you need to get used this," her friend; Jessica Marsh said while gently patting on the Abril's tense back.

"Yes, Abril. Don't worry, we're here," added the other girl sat at the passenger seat, Reem Caste.

Jessica Marsh and Reem Caste were the 2 friends of Abril; they all attended the same university and were freshmen. Both girls carpooled with Abril everyday, and she never minded them doing so.

"How is you're project going on, Jessica?" Abril finally spoke, trying to get the woods out of her mind.

"Really good. I have to present it tomorrow, and I wrote down all the things I need to say in this paper-" Jessica waved the speech paper in front of Abril, "It's really important, and it affects my whole grade. I'm going to practice tonight."

Abril relaxed, as the girls got her attention by engaging a conversation with her and diverting her from the woods. They continued chatting about all the torturous homework they had to complete, before Jessica's house came into view. She bid her good byes, and mumbled about how she was going to nail her presentation.

Abril went higher up the hill, where Reem's house was located. When they arrived at Reem's house, she waved goodbye and warned Abril to drive home safe.

Now Abril was alone in her car.

The forest got thicker as Abril ascended further up the hill. There wasn't a single soul on the road, it was pin-drop silence, expect her smooth engine roar and, the only source of light was from her car's headlights. She glanced down her phone and the time was 11:30. Her palms sweat furiously and her mouth went dry.

'I'm stupid! I shouldn't have left this late!' Cursed the girl repeatedly. She remembered how she has always insisted on taking a house down the hill, but her parents forced her to take the place up the hill, as it was more spacious. 'Spacious my foot!'

She picked up the speed of her vehicle, wanting nothing more than to reach her destination, safe and sound. She grinned when she saw her house a few miles away, but just as she thought she was safe, a corpse flew out of the woods and crashed into her headboard, making the car's front shield shatter loudly. She lost control of the vehicle; it spun in a 180-degree angle, as air bags punched her face.

Her heart exploded in her chest, when she saw the lifeless corpse lay on the front trunk of the car. She screamed in utter horror, but it came out as strangled cries. She couldn't get herself to do anything, all these years she has feared a corpse crashing into her car, and now, it really happened.

Tears rushed down her face. She covered her mouth to keep her sounds down, making sure not to draw too much attention to herself.

She fished for her phone in the pitch-black darkness, but even after minutes, she was unable to find the device.

She froze in terror as she noticed the corpse on the headboard move. There was no way she could escape, the windows of the car were shattered, promising her no protection, and the corpse was coming back to life.

So she hit the accelerator, trying to drive away. But it was an unfortunate day for the helpless girl, as the tires were punctured and she had run out of gas too.

The corpse has fully sat up on the front trunk now, showing it's back to the scared girl. As the corpse turned around, Abril begged God, her guardian angel, and remembered her times with loved ones. 'I don't want to die, not like this!'

The corpse now faced Abril, it's eyes burning red, fangs extended and drenched in blood.

The poor girl's body went rigid when she saw the face of the corpse; it was Kian Asherson, her boyfriend.

"Kian! Kian!" Abril jumped out the car to inspect her boyfriend. She mustered up some courage to look at him in the eye; they were blazing fire red and this time, more intense.

Kian smugly smirked at Abril, which made her take a few steps back, instinctively. He licked his blood-coated lips and bore out his fangs, all while laughing sinisterly at her.

Abril thought she was going to die, and the monster she called her boyfriend, would drain her dry. It didn't take a genius to figure out; Kian was a vampire.

Abril always heard myths about how vampires could run incredibly fast, now she was about to put that to test. She turned on her heel and began to sprint, however, she didn't get very far, as the vampire tackled her to the ground.

The vampire was now drooling over the helpless girl that lay beneath him, captured. Kian was awfully hungry; he failed to notice that the girl he was about to devour was his girlfriend.

As the vampire leaned in for a sniff of his mouth-watering prey, Abril shed more tears and hit the vampire repeatedly. The vampire though didn't mind her behavior at all; it just encouraged him more.

Abril was a smart girl; she noticed how her being scared was just speeding up the process for her death. So she forced herself to stop crying to create an illusion to the vampire that she wasn't scared. But it didn't work, as Kian could still hear her heart beating furiously; the sound of her heartbeat filled his ears, and the smell of her blood enveloped all his other senses.

'I had so much more to live for. I'm so young. I wanted to have kids, and live happily ever after. I yearned for those days where I could grow old with my loved ones. But I accomplished nothing, yet I regret so much. Memories are the only things worth taking with me now. I'm dying.'

The delicate girl tightly shut her eyes, as the vampire massaged her neck with his knife-sharp fangs. Then, without a warning, he pierced his fangs into her flesh. Unbearable pain jolted in her body, she screamed until her voiced died, and then started sobbing uncontrollably.

The girl's eyes started shutting down, as the vampire's hunger became satisfied. When the vampire's appetite died away, then only he realised the poor girl that he has devoured, was indeed his girlfriend.

"No, no, no! Abril, I'm sorry," Kian cried out in despair, realising what he has done.

There was so response from the girl; she was seconds away from death.

"I'm going to turn you into a vampire, okay?" offered Kian, as he didn't want the girl he loved to die.

Abril wanted deny his offer, she'd never to be a monster that everyone despised. But maybe this is fate's way to give her another chance to live? If she lived, she'd surely spend more time with her parents and siblings. She has to take this offer, not for herself, but at least for her family.

"Y-yes," She choked.

"Thank you so much Abril," Kian sighed in relief. He didn't want Abril to die, more importantly; he didn't want her to die in his hands.

He drew out blood from his body and held it to the girl. Abril gave him a questioning look, but didn't have the energy to voice her concerns. She drank up the blood Kian drew, when she was done, he made her drink more of his blood.

"Now I'm going to let you die. But don't worry, you'll came back to life as vampire," Abril, at this point wasn't even paying attention, she has already closed her eyes.

-

Abril woke up from a peaceful slumber in her room. She was about to head to the kitchen and carry on her daily chores. But then the events of the previous night downed to her. She froze in her tracks, and her heartbeat got louder until the only thing she heard was her drumming heart.

"N-no, no, it was just a dream!" She tried to convince herself, but then she looked down at her bloodstained shirt, confirming the previous night.

She rushed to the to the bathroom and stripped out of her bloody clothes, feeling disgusted. She glanced at her reflection and saw her tanned-caramel skin was paler than usual. Her jet-black hair was frizzy and lifeless. Her usual pale, blue eyes were icier, and transformed into grey. Her skin was acne and pimple free; it looked smooth like a paper.

If Abril saw herself like this every morning, she'd be really happy; she looked beautiful. But right now, she was devastated, as the change in her body, did indicate her transformation. She is a vampire.

She jumped in the shower turned the heat to maximum; even then, she didn't feel every warm. The sad girl broke down crying and cursed life. Yes, it was her choice to be a vampire, but why did she have to be attacked in the first place?

Abril didn't want to be a vampire; she didn't want to see her family die, she still has an eternity to live and that means she has to watch all her loved ones die.

In her eyes it was all Kian's fault. Maybe it was her fault too for being out at midnight. But in Vancity traveling late at night didn't seem every bad.

'I hate myself for leaving that late at night. I hate Kian for what he has done to me. I hate my life for being this unlucky," the girl thought.

Abril eventually stopped crying and stepped out of the shower, by now the night has dawned. She has been crying for more than 5 hours, the despair was real.

She wore some shorts, and threw on a sweatshirt, not bothering to wear a bra. She didn't have anything else to do, so she completed her chores. She cleaned the bed sheets, threw her clothes in the washing machine, washed the dishes, and organized her books.

Just as Abril was walking out the kitchen, she saw a familiar face. He had smooth blonde hair, dark-brown eyes, and a defined face and body. He had the looks to get an 9/10 from every lady.

"Kian, what are you doing here?!"

Author's note: Like and review! I also published this story on wattpad. 

Comments & reviews · 2
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Hey, Jay here, your friendly critic!
So, I must say--this is intriguing. (The majority of the stories here are.) I like your hook line at the beginning--caught my attention right away.
So, for the most part, I really enjoyed this! But there are a couple things that are really bugging me. .
Your sentences are really long, you keep using too many commands, and you keep saying and, and you need to use more periods, and. . . .
See what I mean?
Stop using so many ands/commas; it'll make the story flow better.
The pacing was a bit faster than I usually expect. . . Her boyfriend, Kian, turns her into a vampire within a minute or two.
And also, it'd be a good idea to read over this several times to make sure that you don't switch between past and present tense. There are a couple times where you do that.
It's okay though, that's a common mistake to make.
Also, there are some instances where you should use "with" because you say and twice.
Like at the end:
"He had smooth blonde hair, dark-brown eyes, and a defined face and body."
You should say something more like. .
"He had smooth blonde hair, dark-<OPTIONAL: insert similie right here, like chocolate>brown eyes, with a defined face and body."
It just flows better.
Hope I was able to help!
(P.S. It's cool to find another Wattpader on here!)

User avatar
7whitewolf7
Review

I like this!!! It's written well, however one piece of advice I would give is to go over it and edit it with tenses in mind.
Example 1 -
When the university offered her a place, she was bursting with joy and even cried in happiness.

This appears to have taken place in the past, if so, it should run like this - When the university offered her a place, she had burst with joy and even cried in happiness
Example 2 -
and the desolate woods that spread through most of the city, always signalling possible danger.

Just one word here, you should change signalling, to signaled, as you have switched to present tense in this sentence.

:) Other than tenses, you have a very good hand at descriptions, keep it up!

Thank you for your review 7whitewolf!! I totally missed those errors, thanks for pointing them out.



Everything’s edible if you’re immortal.
— Feltrix