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Re: Temperature Coefficient of Reactivity
Fishy, fishy, fishy T, push-ups are no good for me. So I must renounce my view of fishy, fishy, fishy T. I adore this! This is excellent! Yay! Feel good ...
Jan 13, 2010 -
Re: Ambrean Circle
Cold, gleaming and shiny - make '-'(hash as I call it) a semi-colon those change to 'these' adjectives described the glass-top tables and polished marble floor surfaces of Ambrean Laboratories ...
Jan 12, 2010 -
Re: Angel without her wings part 1 (gory...)
Hello Sacrifice! I don't usually read fantasy but bare with me - I might take to it! Well, here are my thoughts, and suggestions: (In red! :) ) “What are ...
Jan 11, 2010 -
Re: Hades Daughter- Prologue- Edited
Hello there! I'm Ben, Here are just some quick thoughts and suggestions for your work :) Prologue- Hades ' footsteps echoed in the hall. The artificial moon’s light cast down ...
Jan 11, 2010 -
Re: Omission
Hello Amanda! I'm Ben and here are a few of my thoughts about your lovely short story! Omission Ice and sun together, Personally this reads better with a semi-colon/full stop ...
Jan 11, 2010 -
Re: Sonnet: Seas of Iron, Skies of Soot
Hello! This was brilliant! I found the rhythm brilliant and that made it a good read! You've used a good set of language as well and conveyed a picture that's ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Where Lost Deams Go to Die
I voted in between, merely because I didn't want to say whether I did or not - I don't like polls, Anyway - the review! I liked the poem because ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Love of Words <1>
Hello! Nice read you have here, these are just a couple of my thoughts and feelings: Love of Words Chapter 1 I sighed as my white feather quill placed a ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Ignorance Is Bliss: Prologue
Hello Amaryllis! I'm Ben, and I love your work! Here's just some notes and thoughts I have: (In purple italics - purple's a nice colour, don't you think? :) ) ...
Jan 9, 2010 -
Re: Luna 1.0 (edited)
1. Reunion Her. Finally. I had been waiting for almost fifteen years. Bands of anxiety constricted my heart. What should I say? My eyes followed her as she silently drifted ...
Jan 9, 2010 -
Re: Based in World War II
Hello there! I'm Ben, love the story! Here's just a note of my thoughts and improvements... :) Chapter One: Marcella Hanes The orchestra played their enchanting melodies. Love the opening, ...
Jan 9, 2010 -
Re: Evony- the new planet
Hello iCarlyfan! I'm Ben :) I'll give you a little note of my thoughts and improvements... Standing on the top of the hill, I smiled as I stared at the ...
Jan 8, 2010 -
Re: Map Making and Writing
The way you have compared Map Making and Writing is so original but so obvious that it's perfect. You've created a piece which is unique and really gets your readers ...
Jan 7, 2010 -
Re: The Last Walk
A young man called Billy O'Hara walked down a desolate forgotten road. He had a noticeable swagger in his stride. His worn down raw hide boots clicked softly on the ...
Jan 7, 2010 -
Re: The Messengers: a blip from the middle
I agree with the changes S. S. Rose has said about grammar, but I personally think you should keep the Sappy teenage romance because it hinders a strong point of ...
Jan 7, 2010
