BFG

Wow, I'd almost forgotten about this poem! Thanks for critiquing, Sunny and quiteloud! :D As for the "darkness rising" part, I was actually picturing the wings rising in the dark, ...

Thanks, Rodhead! :D I agree, punctuation is goooooood. People say you can write poetry without it, but there are very few famously good poems that don't have even erratic punctuation. ...

***if anyone can find the allusions, do point them out please =) Again *I don't get the title.* TSun *If this is your pen name, it doesn't need to be ...

Thank you, live.laugh.love! :D Thank you, Moonlit Mystery! :D I think every poet longs to be understood, so I'm glad that could happen here (with the help of some good ...

BFG wrote: No problem! Don't worry about it, we all do stuff like that. I've been around here for a while now and I still don't know what I'm doing ...

Thanks, Madel! :D It's nice to have things reaffirmed. Glad you liked it! -BFG

No problem! Don't worry about it, we all do stuff like that. I've been around here for a while now and I still don't know what I'm doing much of ...

Thanks, KNS012! :D Grammar's actually really important to me, so I'm glad it flows smoothly. Again, thanks for reviewing! -BFG

Thanks Sunny! :D I agree, that should be a new stanza. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to make that work with the meter... it's such an awkward location... but ...

Thanks Angel, Threnody! I really appreciate the reviews. Threnody: about the commas--did you mean putting commas at the ends of lines or replacing the semi-colons with commas/commas and conjunctions?

Thanks for critiquing! Looking on back on this I'm recognizing that in fact I, too, dislike this style - it feels very amateurish. When I wrote this poem I had ...

In Honesty: I'd probably read this first bit, flip through a few pages in the middle to make sure it picked up and went somewhere, and then take it up ...

I really like this. The amount of repetition is perfect, and the chorus is great. It's a good lengh, too, and I love the title. You should totally find a ...

These are by Weird Al, as I see you mentioned in your title, and you're apparently a new member, but you're generally not supposed to post works by other people, ...

Great subject. Your meaning gets across fine here, and your emotions. My only suggestion would be to spruce up the language, use some unusual words. Good work!