Azila

Very funny. Anyway... This piece is really good. Anybody else want to critique it???

Okay... thanks guys for reviewing, but can nobody else read this piece? PLEASE? It's terrible XD. So yeah, PLEASE don't read... I'm serious.

Of a sickly yellowish hue or complexion. of a sickly, yellowish color: sallow cheeks; a sallow complexion. Of a sickly yellowish hue or complexion. anemic, ashen, ashy, bilious, colorless, dull, ...

A term of literary criticism, purple prose is used to describe passages, or sometimes entire literary works, written in prose so overly extravagant, ornate or flowery as to break the ...

Thanks Ayra! What's so funny about wounded bats? *doesn't get it* Oh, and what's "purple prose"?? Thanks for the review, though :D ~Azila~

Thank you everyone for reading and commenting on my work! Prokaryote-- Thank you so much for looking at it again! +1-- I do have a whole story behind the man, ...

Thank you so much Prokar! I will definitely fix the repetition stuff you mentioned when I get a chance (not now, unfortunately). And about nothing happening: I didn't want anything ...

Very nice! I definitely think that that first ending would work nicely... but I do have a bit of my old liking of the third one. Anyway, it's up to ...

Well I guess the reason I was looking for deeper meaning is because it was so well written. I just figured that if it was that good on the surface ...

Well... maybe not metaphors, but here are the spots that confused me the most: Jerome took a brief stroll through the crystalline soul of a major reptilian beast, sick with ...

I must disagree with Kylan. The almost poetic wordiness is what I like and strive for in my own pieces. So... you can simplify it if you like, but I ...

Yeah, that's what I figured. I just thought I'd point it out to you, though cause that's the job of the critiquer. :wink:

It was pretty good. I see what you're trying to do, but I think it needs a tad more work. Like Icaruss said, it is a bit choppy at times. ...

What parts are stiff? Here are the ones that poked out to me: Hey guys, when’s she gonna’ wake up?” A girl’s voice, maybe ten or eleven years old. “Hey ...

Thanks so much everyone! I'm also 12 but my writing is nowhere near as good as yours. Don't say that, Ayra! Be confident! ...And besides, it makes me self-conscious. :lol: ...