Azila

Hi there Emily! This piece is pretty good. It's pretty much just an introduction... introducing your character--which isn't a bad idea to do in the first chapter. This is alright ...

This is getting better and better! Really, I see a lot of improvement since the first version. The emotion in this part is really powerful, and you have a LOT ...

This looks a lot better! Just so that you know, though, it's more advisable to edit your first post then to keep on posting new versions. You'll find the Edit ...

This version is much better! You give more background and description and you've gotten rid of a lot of the repetition Good Job! I guess I won't be able to ...

Another thing that I disliked was that he was incredibly racist. Anyone who's read the book will know what I mean; blacks were constantly referred to by the N word ...

That was really well-written and intriguing. It kept my attention the whole way, and even though I would love to learn more about the situation, the world, the main character, ...

At first I couldn't find this because I was looking for it in the Romance Forums. I can't believe you've finally written something that's not romance! :P Anyway, about the ...

The blissful stars glittered in the darkening sky. Large mountains and cliffs toward over me, and everything seemed hushed. Sentence #1>> "Blissful" sounds awkward. I'd make it: "The [adjective?] star

The area is so hushed, one can almost hear them, plopping down gently onto beds of moss. Above,the sky is a solid black, interrupted only by the tiny spots of ...

Yes, these books are amazing. I love how Stroud's characters are so multi-dimensional and nothing is black and white. You know it's a Stroud book when the MC who you ...

Aww, that was really sweet and reminded me of a real fairytale, which is what you were going for, so congratulations. :D Really though, I wouldn't be surprised to see ...

Aak! I was writing a review and by accident I pushed some weird key command that deleted EVERYTHING! And it's not even saved as a draft or anything. :( *sigh* ...

How many times do I have to tell you to let me know when you post something new?! Anyway... I can remember now. I had opened my mask outside a ...

He sat me up on the wall by the pond with the ducks and frog's. "frog's" should be "frogs" I sniffled and blew my nose and hugged Daddy tight. He ...

This is beautiful! Really touching and emotional without being soppy or stupid or melodramatic. I think it might benefit from a little more description... not visual, necessarily, but other senses. ...