AsterChai

Thanks so much for the review! This is one was very helpful, and it was interesting to see that this time, most of the problems seem to just be grammatical ...

Thanks for the review! And yeah I'm afraid what you said was a repeat of what the others have said, but it's still good advice, so thank you! I've actually ...

Thanks a ton for the review! I think I might actually end up changing the first line. Make it more interesting and have a better hook. I see what you ...

Thanks a bunch for the review! Thanks for the great compliments and advice, but I have one question, when using ! or ? do I still replace them with commas ...

Oh dear, my bad! I should have guessed this wasn't a poem... but it did feel like one. Don't take that as a bad thing though, like I said Poetry ...

Thanks a bunch for the review and critique, I agree with both you and Icy. I do need to slow my roll a bit. And the dialogue bit does also ...

I get what you are saying. I probably should slow it down quite a bit. I'll try and make changes. Thanks a bunch for the review and critique!

Thanks for the review! You made excellent points, and I do agree that I did put a bit too much emphasis on people who can see the real world, and ...

Thanks a bunch for the review and critique, you definitely brought up good points, and in the first chapter I'll try and watch out for those. Thanks a bunch, and ...