Depending on how you look at it, life can either be boring or fun. You can focus on how work is repetitive. You wake up, get ready, and head out. Then you do your work, whether it's typing away at a keyboard, lifting heavy objects, talking with important people. Then you go home, and you repeat this whole process again. However, you can also focus on how you have a weekend where you go out, maybe shop, go to a bowling alley, go to a nice restaurant that you heard from your friends is the "bomb".
With all this in mind you'd think the world is balanced between fun and work, but people with their wild imaginations always dream of more. They dream of magic, fantastical creatures, different dimensions, and the list goes on. No matter what their view is, they will always yearn for more amazing things. Yes we have so many interesting things here in the real world, but no matter what that is, it won't be enough. I'm not saying it's a bad thing per se. After all, without these wild imaginations we wouldn't have half the things we do have. Imagination is the life blood of innovation. Without it we would basically be wild animals. Imagination isn't a bad thing... but sometimes it's good to look at the world and realize, it's pretty great on its own as well.
If you spend too much time in your imagination, you'll lose your grip on reality, you won't be satisfied with it anymore. You'll yearn for an even more fantastical world, and the real world around you will become dull. You'll eventually become depressed and when you're depressed your world becomes even duller. Sadly I feel like most people don't see the world for what it is and all it's fantastical glory, and if you do, you are special. Being able to separate your world view from your parents' or even having parents with the same worldview. These are rare situations so if you are in one, take it by the horns and use this knowledge to drive your life in a positive direction.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Thanks for the review! You made excellent points, and I do agree that I did put a bit too much emphasis on people who can see the real world, and I really hope I can balance it out more when I attempt to incorporate it into the actual story. I do agree the parents came in too fast as well, and although they are a plot point, I'm not sure I executed them in the prologue well.
Hello, AsterChai. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?
I.Plot so far…
Since this is the prologue, I am sensing that the character of the story is narrating about the events he/she is about the unfold. I am not entirely sure on that yet, but I am curious to what is going to happen in your novel. ( This review might be short because the prologue is short. )
Nitpicks and Stuff
The parts highlighted in purple are edited. The sentence “ Then you go home, and you repeat this whole process again. “ No need to add ‘ this whole process again ‘. You can just simply put ‘ then repeat ‘ , like I just did in the edited part. Also throughout the whole list of things someone has to do, use First, Next, Finally.
No need for the repetitiveness in this sentence. You already stated that someone will evertually become depressed and you stated the result. You don’t have to repeat the depressed part since it has already been stated.
Overall
Overall, pretty interesting start. I can’t really tell what the plot is right now since this is only the prologue, but it seems like you are trying to go somewhere with this, so only time will tell. I will let you know that from the description that you put about the novel and the prologue don’t match, so it may throw some readers off. If you are continuing the novel, be sure you make that first impression in each chapter that will keep your readers hooked. Me, I am just curious about what the first chapter will be about, so I can’t provide my personal insight on your novel just yet.
Keep up the great work though. Keep writing and also, Welcome to YWS. I noticed you are a new member, and hopefully this review doesn’t sound too harsh.
- Kanome
Thanks a bunch for the review and critique, you definitely brought up good points, and in the first chapter I'll try and watch out for those. Thanks a bunch, and don't worry I take critique really well. It doesn't sound harsh at all, after all, I am a beginner. I'm not going to be that good. I am actually kind of worried about how the meaning of this prologue will work with the rest of my story. I might even make a new prologue at one point.
The prologue was not bad, it did get me curious of how it will collaborate with the storyline itself. That would be an interesting challenge you can do. You're not a bad writer for a beginner. You do have potential. Just keep going at it and you will get better!