Ares

How do the iranians know he's british? Kevlar helmet. Not a bulletproof helmet. It is bulletproof but kevlar is a better word. If he has his rifle then why isn't ...

I only read the first three chapters. But if your MC was trying to kill himself, why would he owe someone and swear to obey them if they ruin his ...

I thought I critiqued this, but I guess not. Anyways. You're gunna have some major power problems if John's your main character. He's already a huge magic user this early ...

Something about this seems familiar. I'm not sure what though. Where'd you get the idea? Anyways, it's a pretty decent piece, the only thing it could use that I can ...

Most likely he had crossed the Quillin border into Forthor. The guards would shoot for their country, not caring the age of their victim. The only factor you mention is ...

I think it's pretty good. This has probably been said already but I think you should describe Lawrence, Cris, and their surroundings and maybe shed some light on the battle ...

This is pretty cool. The only thing I'd do would be to add more of the story outside the letter, like Oliven saying goodbye to his squire and the squire ...

bloodstained body. Bodies can be bloodstianed? And then you used bloodstained again not too long after the first time. You should find a different word. She was in a grouchy ...

It seems like a pretty cool start. Simple enough to follow and pretty interesting. I wanna know why he's leaving though, so you might try to tell the reader that. ...

It seems like there should be something before this. But it was a pretty cool story, the only problem I have is how one man is strong enough to take ...

When you’re down, When you’re lost, Think of me. [s]Think of [/s]what we had, And what we lost. What we almost were. Think of me, How I used to be. ...

This is good writing. I don't really have anything bad to say about it. If I had to suggest something though I'd like to see conversations between Brian and the ...

Second paragraph. Show us, don't tell. The story could be way cool if you showed us. Also, rape would sound better than 'personal pleasure', to me anyways. It'd be more ...

It was a very hot day. The weather report had said it was twenty-five degrees [s]Celsius[/s] , but it felt like much more. The streets were packed with irritable suits ...

If this were in the form of a novel, it would kick ass, but it's more like a summary of a novel which doesn't kick quite so much ass. Keep ...