AlyKat

I like! You have good imagery c: "Candy Floss or show bags were in the hands...." This may be just a typo, but change 'or' to 'and'. "The night quickly ...

Alrighty. I'll start by telling you one of the most important things. Play titles need to be italicized. Instead of mentioning the actors names after their characters in the second ...

First off, you need too put this into paragraph form and indent. Instead of always using semicolons at the beginning, using commas and put some together. Honestly reading all of ...

You need to fix your run-on senteces, and add to the fragments. You need to go into more precise detail about Mary. This isn't a short story it's a paragraph. ...

I like this very much! Something you wanna watch for is including your apostrophes and comma's. I saw in a few places that an apostrophe was missing, like when you're ...

I like the overall concept of this piece, but i think you could elongate it much more. Try explaining the fight in more detail and have it be more than ...

The door slid open. “First day of school, everybody.” A boy with red hair said as he slung his arm around two girls, both around his age. One was a ...

Amaris dropped silently from her tree, congratulating herself. She had shot something against all odds. She approached her kill with care (comma or semi colon) in case it was still ...

I really like the emotion you out into this :) To be honest I really can't comment that much. The insanity that was caused that day (excuse this) really sucked. ...

I don't usually enjoy reading fantasy but I really enjoyed this!!! Any changes i make will be in the beastly color blue ;)) Lance ran through the woods, the Garak ...

Hi :DD I really like this :)) Any changes I make will be in the freaking beast color blue ;) Yeah, I’m stuck in these ancient, reeking catacombs . B ...

I really really like this!!!! Any changes i make (suggest) will be in the freaking beast color blue!!! At some time, at some place in this immiscible world, what mixed ...

I love this!!!!!!! Any changes I make (suggest) will be in the freaking beast color of blue It was the year 1984. Michael Jackson had just won eight Grammy Awards ...

Ok I do agree with the others you could make this a little longer!!! But I'll just fix grammar and spelling mistakes. Anything I change will be in blue "Renee! ...

I really like this and I think if you fix the mistakes it could a freaking awesome story!!!! Any changes I make (suggest) will be in the awesome color blue ...