Alteran

I have no more to add to Claudette's Crit. I agree about the commas. There are to many and it can get confusing. I love the morales. This would be ...

Alarms still blaring in the distance, he shifted his pack into a comfortable position and started sneaking his way over the rest of the hill. He had to get out ...

I only did chapter one at the moment. Well her it goes... Of course, my parents moved her partially for me. My mom is what some people call a Mama ...

Quickly disasembling his rifle, he slowly backed up from the ledge to his camp site. It was entirely hidden on the side of the hill on the outskirts of town. ...

I like your disclaimer. I've never played this game. I've played Zelda but not this one i'm afraid. You did a very good description and i saw it in my ...

Welcome fellow writer! I love your avie by the way. And i like the title of your piece but thats cause of a Final Fantasy reference in my mind. Wait ...

I am ever so happy to see this. I was just thinking about it eh other day too. Aloisio wrinkled his nose and set the mug down on the counter. ...

It looked to Sensuret like what he imagined a god would, clean and shiny, bathed in light. I think you could take out the What and remove some of the ...

I have totally played this game. Very nicely done. You missed a qoutation mark, "No,"She said bluntly. " But by all means, lead me there." It was very cool and ...

I absolutely love this. Eat the jeans and try on the hamburgers was pure brilliance! A few rypos that i'm sure you'll find with a quick read through. Absolutely beautiful. ...

Well I agree it is definatly an infdump, as Snoink said, and not a good thing. But the prolouge isn't a bad thing. My suggestion is to write your novel ...

This is how i crit. I'm gonna go through the whole thing and make comments here and there. It's just easier on both of us i think. I re-wrote this ...

"TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!" roared Arieras. He hit the orc across the face with his shield. "I..I.. don't know" The orc stuttered. I would make the orc a little ...

I agree with Snoink about the transition thing but other than that this was so neat. The ending was kinda sad. Very sad actually. and i'm like dpressed so i ...

Sorry sorry sorry Chapter Three It occurred to Shan that whatever custodian ended up sweeping the floor up in the back rows would be finding a number of half-smoked cigarettes ...