Aley

This poem needs some structure help also, but not as much. Good use of ellipsis, but ellipsis need three dots. The structure of that first sentence suggests that Soul is ...

Such blatant internal rhymes bother me. It's just not my cup of tea. That being said I won't comment again on the rhymes. If someone who likes rhymes comes along, ...

Hey Thor, This poem is talking about a simple story, a guy is tortured somewhere, and he commits suicide. I feel like there needs to be another layer here that ...

the first sentence is good. The second sentence needs some work. First off, when you have something in something else, you typically have a flip side like you did at ...

As I'm reading the chapters I feel like there's little plot going on, and this is filling space instead of furthering things. Each chapter should have a specific reason to ...

Dude, bold much? Try taking out the or adding a somewhere in the HTML. Prologue review "...that fossil fuels are becoming very sc..." the use of are here seems awkward. ...

"Feel you when I hold you the way I do." "Sometimes I wonder why I have no remorse." This poem needs to abandon rhyming, especially since the rhymes are inconsistent. ...

Dude, totally creepy. Alright, so I'd say watch your tense. Instead of reflecting about moving in, perhaps actually describe the process of moving in. Talk about bringing in the boxes, ...

This is drop dead hilarious. I love your writing style, how you put together the phrases, and the little things you do to keep the reader into the story, and ...

Alright, first impressions: - I don't like the bold, it is supposed to be used to accent certain things, but instead because it is bold through the entire thing, it ...

"I lost my dimples when my heart crippled." " but subsisting in this pain feels like a crime. I am sorry, Madeline, but you can't be mine," You rhyme, even ...

There is an interesting play between what we know and what you're presenting to us. For example, I know sage is an herb and typically used for healing. I know ...

Awkward wording "he squawked of it if it so pleased him." - of it if it is really confusing, consider adding a comma. "Or anyone hoping to strangle him, much ...

Let's work on titles. First of all, even though Billy Collins has a poem that's named after his love for the clarity of titles, the title actually still relates to ...

So, this is the result? I'm happy with it. Congrats. Even though you did rhyme, you did it in a way that wasn't suffocating. Instead, you created a poem full ...