The Dark
By:Niketna Vivek
Prologue
“In year 2962, a company going by the name of Killzone decided that the world population was too high and that fossil fuels are becoming very scarce; they wanted to cut the world population. The Middle East, China, Japan, Canada and the United States would all be a part of this cut since these countries were always at war with each other for resources depleting the precious little resources left. The survivors in these countries plus the other countries would form a new nation. The Killzone was an extremist group who wanted immediate results so instead of enforcing birth control rules, they wanted to slaughter many people in many different countries.” I finished reading. Mrs. Nazani nodded towards Rina to continue reading where I left off. “The Heros: In year 2994, the world put aside all technology, fossil fuels and such, except for one brave company who refuses to do so, the Karps. Later, in year 3000 the company called the Karps overthrew the Killzone and ever since have been running the United Countries in their own glorious way.” Next Maki read in his voice that cracked too often “The Miracles: They have done many wonderful things such as stabilizing the weather and manipulating it, helping regions restore crops; they even improved the law and learning systems.” Maki finished. His voice cracking again on the last word.
Chapter 1
I was sprinting at full speed crashing aimlessly through the thick underbrush. I was tripping over my own feet ready to collapse but I knew that if I did then that would be the last thing I ever did. My eyes kept blacking out, I felt as if the world was a huge rollercoaster. My knees were starting to buckle from underneath me. I couldn't go any further. No, I couldn't give up, not now. I had to keep going. My throat was parched and my tongue was as dry as sandpaper. When I swallowed, there was no moisture left, not a single drop to swallow. All I could taste was my vomit. My lungs refused to take in air. I was gasping, each breath of air was a chore that felt like hot hell. The prickly branches of the dense woods kept lashing out at me from nowhere. My face felt like it had been through a blender. I had a bloody nose and cuts all over. I could feel the cold air stinging my injuries. The farther I ran, the further it followed. The scrapes and a bloody nose were the least of my worries. Sprinting tends to take your breath away; when you can’t breathe in but have to run, it’s a major problem. The smell was suffocating me; the air smelt of dead bodies corroding in acid. If I breathed in, I breathed in toxic gases. My lungs burned. It felt as if I was drinking liquid fire. Hot rivers of sweat ran down my face mingling with the tears that had started to stream down my face. I didn’t crying afraid of losing the little hydration I had left, but, my eyes watered from the acidic stench that clouded the air. I couldn’t run anymore, but I had to keep going. What was the point? The father I ran, the farther it pursued.
The world kept blurring in and out of focus, different shades of green and browns mingling with the black splotches now beginning to form at the edges of my vision. The acrid stench of blood, sweat and strong acid burned my throat. My eyes momentarily blacked, I kept running blindly. I blinked several times before I could see again. My right foot snagged a root and I fell face first onto the hard packed earth. My ankle was on fire. I tried to get back up, but my legs wouldn't support my weight. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to get up. Crap, it’s getting closer.
I finally managed to get up supporting all of my weight on my left leg. I took a few more steps but fell again unable to regain my balance. I had at most a few seconds to get up and run, but I doubted that even if I could manage to get up, if I would be able to stand.
It loomed over me, its breath choking me and preventing me from breathing. I was probably going to die of asphyxiation before it even got to me. Now this would be the end, right here, right now, no more running. After all I’d ran and been through, this would be the end; right here on the ground quivering from something whose origin unknown.
Chapter 2
I woke up to a warm washcloth over my forehead and a mellow, orangish sunlight. There was warmth radiating from a makeshift fire. I was beginning to feel as if this wasn't so bad; I was back home. My mother would sweep in and run her long, slender fingers through my hair, teasing me with nothing but love reflecting in her warm eyes; she'd make me laugh despite whatever kind of horrible day it had been for me. I looked around expecting my mother but found a freakin’ forest! I didn't know what to do. Why was I in a forest? Was “cruel school”( a common nickname for boring school) cancelled today? Suddenly, the weight of last night’s events came crashing down on me like a huge deluge that put out all of the warmth inside me, replacing it with ice cold fear that gripped my heart like an iron vice.
I had to get up. What if it came back? I tried to move my right ankle and a surge of red hot pain shot up my side. I couldn’t see anything except for a white flare behind my closed eyelids. Once the pain subsided, slowly I managed to pull my eyelids open, which drooped closed again.
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The the next time I awoke to a beautiful white angel with brown curls and big caramel brown eyes. She looked about sixteen—ish. I just stared at her face for a while. Her features were so elegant but her clothes looked like they didn’t belong. She wasn’t wearing a white gown like angels did but instead, she was wearing a pair of worn out jeans and an ugly stringy woven t-shirt style top. "Are you alright?" the angel asked in a melodic voice showing her deep concern for me on her face. “You were almost dead when I found you. What happened?”
I opened my mouth to talk but I choked on my words. I swallowed hard and tried to begin but instead of words, a fine bright red spray of blood came out followed by a fit of coughs which made me feel as if my insides were being crushed and spewed out in sprays of blood. She hushed me and stroked my forehead while dabbing the blood away with a soft brown cloth. “On the day when I turned sixteen no one said happy birthday.” I tried again. This time there was no presence of blood so I continued, “I went to the Karp headquarters of our state to get assigned a job based on my skills. When I arrived at the headquarters, the counselor was called in. She was a round, pig-faced lady with a dark complexion and a smile that looked just as fake as her gold tooth. Her muscular arm layered in rings of fat clamped around my shoulder. ‘Just follow me.’ she said smiling pleasantly. ‘Relax, I won't hurt you’ she said while leading me through a hallway but I knew that her firm grip meant otherwise.” there still wasn’t any blood gushing from my mouth so I ventured deeper into my story. “I knew that I had no choice but to obey because if I didn’t, she’d probably result to other means.”
“She propped my right leg up and in a metal casing. The rest of me was held down to a gurney by metal bonds. In the casing there was a pinpoint sized hole guessing by the size, it was meant for a needle of some sort and as I know now, it probably was. A young nurse entered the room and looked at me as if she were really truly sorry for what she was about to do but just as quickly as that expression came, it left, leaving a cold rock-hard expression behind, leaving me to wonder if I had just imagined that or if it had really happened. The nurse prepared a needle with what seemed to be a microscopical chip in it. She raised her arm to inject it into my leg. I opened my mouth to ask her what she was doing but before I could say anything, the needle was in and then out just as quickly.”
“The pig-faced lady led me out not informing me on what my job was. I tried to ask, but the look she gave me was horrid, as if she was looking at a scapegoat. On the way back home, I had a shadow.” I coughed some more. With each cough came an increasingly painful spray of blood. I wiped the blood away determined to continue. If I were to die, then at least someone should know my story. “It was a beast almost too horrible to describe. It was a robot about the size of a bulldozer with a human face grotesquely stretched over over it's disproportionate metal stub. The body was covered with rotting human skin that let off a horrid stench, like the smell in a butcher shop, only ten times worse. There were spiky projections on its body emitting a malodorous vapor making me gag. The spikes must have been acidic because the air smelled of rotting flesh in burning in acid.”
“The acidic smell filled my throat and it felt as if I was drinking liquid fire. My lungs couldn't take in oxygen. I started running, I passed my house and had no destination in mind except for away. My eyes were watering, I couldn't see, tears blurred my vision —not from pain but from the acidic stench— but I continued running. I'd been running for almost an hour. My eyes were blacking out. I started vomiting while I ran. I vomited until there was nothing left to vomit. I was hungry, tired and bleeding from several different cuts and scrapes. My eyes were blurring and blacking out. I couldn’t slow down, I couldn’t stop. Air was hard to take in as it was but the acidic odor made it harder. At one point I tripped over a tree root or stump of some kind and twisted my ankle and blacked out with the horrible creature looming over me.” I finished, another fine spray of blood emitting from my mouth. I propped myself up on one elbow and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand staining it dark red. She gave me some water to wash the metallic taste of blood out of my mouth and some more to hydrate my throat.
For a while she just stared at me drinking the water. Her eyes looked so familiar and comforting. I just stared into her caramel-colored irises. “So, how did you get me away from the beast?” I asked, shaking her out of her stupor. “I didn’t; when I found you, you were on the ground pale, bleeding and alone.” she stressed on the word alone.
“You think I’m lying don’t you?” I asked narrowing my eyes into thin slits. Daring her to tell me that I was.
“Of course not.” she said “It’s just that, it wasn’t there when I got you. Maybe it ran off.” she said finishing abruptly. It wasn’t convincing but at least she wasn’t outright doubting me. “So, what about you?” I asked.
“Um... I escaped just, just like you.” she replied in a great hesitant rush. I knew that she was lying to me, but she did save my life and I decided not to push her.
“How far did the Dark chase you?” she asked reluctant to change the subject again.
“The Dark?” I asked puzzled.
“It’s just that when you described it, I thought of a dark ominous beast.” she replied.
“That’s a good name. Are you going to kick me out now?” I wondered out loud.
“Do you want me to?” she asked.
“Uh, no?”
“Then no.”
Chapter 3
The next day, I awoke to the smell of meat. I hadn’t smelled meat in over five years. Back home almost every meal was gruel and on special occasions, fruit and sugar. But meat—wow. I tried to get up but I still felt like I'd been trampled under a herd of elephants. A few moments later, Amber brought me thick meat stew and a few hulled grains. I tried to eat a lot but I could barely manage a few spoonfuls. Once I’d eaten—if you call a few spoonfuls eating— I looked up into those warm hazel eyes. She looked older than me but she sounded and carried herself like she was much younger than me. Her eyes had a sparkle to them kind of like the one that Fay used to have before she was burned alive. I pushed Fay out of my mind. If she were alive, she wouldn’t want me wallowing in sorrow; she’d want me to get over it. Amber(that was the girl’s name) smiled, filling me with a sensation that warmed me thoroughly.
I tried to stand up; my ankle fired up. Amber sat down next to me helping me up slowly. I leaned on her for support. She pulled me up and led me towards the river bank. A few yards away she set me down atop a rock that was shaped perfectly. I leaned forward slightly to look at my reflection. I saw my normally straight, thick black hair in a rat’s nest and my blue eyes rabid and ferocious but somehow broken. Wait a minute, did one of my eyes turn purple? It’s probably the water, it must be! It has to be! I beckoned Amber closer and asked her to take a look at my right eye. She confirmed my fear, my right eye was purple. How the hell did that happen? I couldn’t breathe for a second and my vision was blurring. I took deep breaths trying to calm myself, a purple iris was no big deal. Funny the irony though, my name’s Iris and now I have an iris colored iris. Once I settled down I took a good look at my reflection. My purple iris stood out like a sore thumb.
My hair was matted with sweat and covered in dirt and blood that was my own. I didn’t have the energy to wash it all out but at least I could try. I reached down and scooped a handful of water and washed some of the blood and dirt out of my hair. Amber helped me; it was a painful and tediously long task but soon my hair and face were dripping wet but clean. Now for the rest of me, I thought with a sigh. Once I was relatively clean, Amber gave me a new purple t-shirt—again with the irony—and a pair of jeans. I had trouble getting them on, but, as soon as I did, I felt much better as if I’d washed half of my pain away. Just sitting while Amber patted me down with water had totally drained me though.
Amber half-carried me into a tent which had a few blankets on the floor, a few stacks of hay in the corner with blankets on top and a kitchen space in another corner which consisted of baskets of fruits, berries, veggies, spices, a pile of twigs amidst a circle of rocks and a few flintstones. She told me that she had a weapons stash buried in the forest for hunting purposes. She helped me onto the stacks of hay and covered me with a faded navy blue blanket riddled with holes. My physical self was exhausted and ready for some rest, but my mental self was refusing to let me sleep. Why was I chased? What chased me? Why did the Karps target me? This was so unfair. Life was unfair. I closed my eyes. I could hear Amber slide into her own blanket. She hummed lightly taking me deeper into my thoughts...
Father used to own a book about the democratic United States of America; every time I read that book, I’d float away to the U.S. and eat pizza and french fries. After that book, I started to berate our nation under my breath or scream obscenities about the Karps at home. My father used to join in with me while my mother told us both to calm down and offer us apple slices. I loved my father, he was a total rebel. Then, he was drafted for war against the Killzone. I didn’t even get to say bye to him; I’d been at school when the trucks came and took him away. I single tear snaked its way down my face. When he was sent home in a mud pot full of ashes, my mother didn’t cry, she did something worse; she just stood there while I cried to her, seeking comfort. She caressed my hair staring at the pot. I remember soaking her dress with my tears as she comforted me. That day forth we carried on like normal, at least she did. I was permanently wounded in a place that couldn’t be repaired—my heart.
Chapter 4
Today, I awoke to coughs of blood. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and rose slowly into a sitting position. I stepped down and looked around again hoping to see my mother, but I was disappointed—again. I tried to support weight on my ankle which wasn’t too bad. Amber had put my foot in a temporary cast, which seemed to work pretty well. I looked at the browning hay stacks stained in several places with my blood. I must have coughed up blood in my sleep. I walked around and almost no pain, other than the slight feeling of soreness. I was so relieved to have the use of my leg back.
I looked around but couldn’t find Amber. She must have gone out to the stream I thought, as I walked towards the woods. I stopped every ten steps and caught my breath. There were a few dry coughs that rattled my insides but thankfully no blood—at least no blood every time I coughed. It took only a few minutes to locate the stream. It was no more than a hundred steps from the tent. I scanned the stream, but couldn’t find her. She must have gone to get food I thought forcing down my hysteria.
Already here, so I might as well wash off. I stepped into the stream expecting a strong pull of a current but the pull was relatively gentle, so I sat on a rounded rock in the stream washing myself off, bit by bit. Once I got to my right foot, I carefully removed the dirt and blood stained bandages and washed them out in the stream before washing my ankle. My ankle looked pale and smelled like sweat and the metallic smell of blood. I carefully lowered it into the water. As I gently scrubbed, I felt a little bump on the outside edge of my ankle near the spot below the bone that bulges out. I wiggled it back and forth causing a considerable amount of pain. It glowed faintly. I pressed it in again, causing even more pain. I could almost see the bruises that would form tomorrow. I happen to be one of those lucky children that bruise easily. So that nurse had injected a chip after all. I dressed my ankle back up and headed back towards the tent. It took longer to find my way back than it had taken to get to the stream.
Once I got back, Amber was all over me. She thought that I’d left her and gone back home. I mean seriously! How could she possibly think that after I had told her what had happened to me! Going back now would be suicide. For some reason, the Dark left me alone in this area. Maybe the Dark didn’t get signal this far. What would happen if I went back though? Obviously the Karps didn’t want me back but what would happen... “I thought that you went back to your parents.” she said almost reduced to tears. I told her that I’d never go; I told her that I’d never leave her.
She showed me her game for that day. She’d gotten a few rabbits and taken down a buck. I felt sorry for the buck; it was just new to the world and here it lay, dead by my feet. I suppose that we had to eat too. It was the natural order of things. “Back home my mother taught me how to make soup with vegetables, I suppose that I could modify the recipe that she taught me to work for meat.” I suggested. Amber skinned the meat and cleaned the hides while I cooked. The spices Amber had gathered were a little different than my mothers. Some longer, some wider and some with funky shaped leaves; I added whatever smelt good. Back home, I’d follow the recipe because I couldn’t afford to make a mistake and ruin our precious vegetable or our food rations but now I had the chance to go with the flow.
“Mmmm, what’s that smell?” Amber asked, letting her nose lead her into the tent. I wasn’t sure myself, it smelled like the scent wafting from the fancy restaurant around the corner that only the people who worked under the Karps could afford. “My mother’s recipe with mild modifications.” I replied.
“I can’t wait to eat; it smells so good.” she said making me blush. For some reason this girl made me very happy. The only other person who made me this happy was... Fay.
When it was time to eat, Amber closed her eyes chewing very slowly. “Is something wrong.” I asked her but she didn’t seem to be able to hear me. When she was done with her first serving she rubbed her stomach with a heavenly look on her face as if she’d just seen heaven and then returned again. That really made me happy. She asked for seconds and even thirds. I usually eat a lot and I’m not embarrassed to say that. I must have had at least two bowlfuls more than Amber; I lost track after four bowlfuls.
Amber helped me into bed. I didn’t need her helpanymore, but, I liked being cared for. I told her that tomorrow, I’d help her hunt. “Sweetie, if you want to help me, you better get up really early—at the crack of dawn to be precise.” she said. I nodded in agreement. She sat by my bedside until I’d fallen asleep.
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Maybe the crack of dawn wasn’t clear enough to me because, I was doused in ice cold water. I woke up with the sensation of drowning. She’d gotten at least a gallon of water up my nose and in my mouth. I was coughing and choking, my teeth chattering, and I was shivering all over, while Amber was giving me a mischievous smile. “Good morning sweetie.” she said.
“It would’ve been a good morning if you hadn’t froze me half to death. I’m still recovering.” I replied in a huff.
“Come on, wouldn’t want our breakfast to run away would we?”
“Speaking of breakfast, what’s for breakfast,” I asked, “I’m hungry”
“Anything we can catch, pick or kill.” Amber replied.
Amber gave me three outfits. Two of the three outfits were made of animal skins and pelts which consisted of a t-shirt, a pair of pants and a pair of boots. The last outfit she gave me was made of cotton fibers woven tightly together and dyed different colors. It was a gorgeous dress; apparently, it was one of the things she took when she ran away. It was so breathtakingly beautiful that I’ve only ever seen the Karp employees take their girlfriends out on saturday(their day off) and buy their girlfriends outfits like these. She also gave me a pair of sandals that went with the dress. “That’s all I can give you for now.” Amber said. I didn’t know what to say. Amber had showed me kindness beyond anyone else from the start. She nursed me back to health and shared her bed and food with me. “I’ll make you more after we hunt Iris.” she promised. My heart practically melted in gratitude; the protective barrier that I hadn’t even realized I had put up dissipated.
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Today’s first lesson—as instructed by Amber— would be choosing a weapon and learning how to use it. Amber led me deeper into the dense woods gracefully picking her way around bushes careful not to destroy any part of nature. She stopped at one particular area where there was nothing even remotely suggesting a weapons stash; I lay down on the thick carpet of grass and looked towards the sky thinking that we stopped for a break. The sky never ceased to amuse me; it was always continuing, always signaling a new day with a new attitude, it never let the rest of the world drag it down. It was always up there continuing on its own cycle. Amber stooped over and started furiously working at the ground until she revealed a hole in the ground full of weapons. I’ve got to say, Amber was great at camouflage. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back up.
I tried out several weapons but in the end, I couldn’t handle more than a pocket- knife. Amber camouflaged the weapons stash again and then started to teach me how to throw a dagger accurately. Let me just say that it’s harder than it looks. Amber seems harmless at first sight but that’s before you see her throw daggers. They fly out of her hands at top speed and latch onto their targets. She even pinned the tail of a passing rabbit to the ground without killing the animal. She went to slit it’s throat but she ended up letting it go instead. When I asked why, she answered with a smile much too young for her mature face “It’s pregnant and it would be a sin to kill an unborn baby.”
In the end, Amber resolved to teaching me how to set up snares. By the end of the hour, I could set up snares that caught a few fair sized rabbits.
Back at camp, Amber skinned the meat and dried the animal pelts while I cooked. I coughed up some more blood while Amber was out skinning the meat but it was the only time today so I guess that I was okay.
Back home, my mother was famous for her recipes; I guess that I picked up some of her skills. Amber particularly enjoyed my cooking and told me that as long as I cooked, she would skin the meat, dry it and make new attire from it. I agreed wholeheartedly because when I tried to skin the meat, I almost severed my fingers. Besides, eating meat was okay but actually getting the blood on your hands was too hard for me.
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Prologue review
"...that fossil fuels are becoming very sc..." the use of are here seems awkward. It should be were considering this is a history book.
Overall, I am less curious about how the world ended up, and more curious about what the room looks like, what the teacher is like, where she's sitting, what the other students are doing, what they look like, and that type of information. It is important to have the information the text book is providing, but I feel like you could just write up a page of the text book and print that in the front of this novel instead of having children read it unless you want the ambiance of the room, which we don't get from the few lines that are not talking. It could also stand to be a bit longer, and explain how the company gained control. Perhaps you could just create a text book page with a time line going from somewhere that the world went awry to where they are now. That would be very helpful and a visual thing where the kids didn't have to read it.
Actually if you created a text book page, you could have the kids reading off the page and allow a unique type of interaction between the young teens reading the book, and the students drawing in the audience through supplying the text book pages.
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You continue to avoid describing the actual characters, the setting, and the landscape too much in your first chapter. I'd like a bit more description of what he's dodging, if he has to jump, what is catching him if there's so much acid around, and that type of thing. Where is he running to? I can understand not explaining what is behind him, that makes sense and is acceptable, but what is he seeing? does he have to resist looking behind him or does he know how close it is? can he hear it?
"but I knew that if I did then that would be the last thing I ever did." This type of thing is also cliche, and it is long winded as well. I would strongly suggest rephrasing to something much simpler, like I'd die. Just make it a fact and a part of this kid's life. Something that he doesn't have to avoid saying because it is common around him, unless of course I didn't read far enough to see what else is going on with the others, like if he's breaking into somewhere or something like that. To me this seems like something he typically does because he's so knowledgeable about this sort of situation.
Overall, slow down, work on setting, and give us something to see while we read.
Hi there!


This is a very captivating story! You've done a great job catching the audience's attention at the beginning! I like the detail and language you used and at times I felt pity for the character which shows you are very good at presenting the characters.
However I think in the first chapter you could maybe tell us why they are running? what is the situation exactly? you need to include this before the chapter ends!
Also while reading your story I sometimes felt a bit lost? it might just be me but if I were you I would read through it again as if someone else wrote it and you are reading it for the first time. This way you will know if you need to add any extra information so your audience will know a little more about whats going on!
There are a few grammatical mistakes like "father" and "furthur" when I think you meant "further" but it's easily done and by reading back I'm sure you'll spot them. But otherwise I loved it!
Love the relationship between the characters; quirky and realistic.
Anyway I think you have an intriguing and heartwarming story with some great ideas coming along!
Keep on with this it's looking good!
~*Annapurna*~