Afterthought

Woot for empowering poetry :D My advice, summarised, would be that there's some excellent lines that are getting lost in the blah lines, and you'd pack a lot more punch ...

This poem makes me want to go all philosopher instead of poet, the theme is wonderful :D and you raise all the right questions. I think it's important to note, ...

First off, I really liked this! To answer your questions - actually, the perfect did bug me after a while, in the 4th stanza the most. I think using it ...

I reckon the rhyming is holding your ideas back. I liked lines like 'breathing the same air' - that's a nice image - but a lot of the lines aren't ...