Honor

Honor is a simple matter. Everyone is born knowing what is honorable. If everybody acted honorably then no one would die needlessly. Those who pretend to not know what honor is deserve to die. Case closed.

Hey DK, allow me to help you!

Okay, this poem didn't really seem like a poem to me. It was enjoyable to read and i did like it but, was it a poem? I suppose but you kind of just tell us what things are and ask a question here and there. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but put some emotion into it, a 'film' or mystery.

In the beginning stanza you get very redundant, only changing a couple words at the end.
Throughout the poem It was just the same thing, just asked or told a little diffrently. I suggest you try and re-do it.

I did enjoy reading it, but in the end, was it good?


good luck, sorry i wasn't of much help.


---Jon---

This poem makes me want to go all philosopher instead of poet, the theme is wonderful and you raise all the right questions.

I think it's important to note, though, that it's the philosopher in me and not the poet who's excited by this. I really enjoyed reading it, but I enjoyed it because I wanted to get stuck into your questions and have a debate, not because it really stirred emotion. By converting some of your questions into images that will implicitly ask the questions, you could fix this - for example...

'Would you dedicate you life to something that might not be there? '

Is a long line to have just put like that in a poem. It's a really good question. The emotional implications of it are huge. So the question's definitely a keeper, but you don't have to ask us directly - you could get us to ask ourselves. For example (and please don't think I'm trying to write your poem, I'm just trying to illustrate what I mean), you could use a metaphor of people reaching for the stars, and then say that the stars might just be glittering illusions. Or talk about hunting for shadows in the dark - how would you ever know if they were there? By putting it into an image, you'd stir up our emotions, and it would also feel less interrogative; the reader would come up against your questions almost as if they had felt them all along, without being asked them courtroom style.

I hope that made sense! Please ask if you'd like me to clarify!

I agree with MidnightVampire that 'Will you die for something that won’t save you?' is a particularly striking moment in this piece.

Hope that helped

I love the idea of your poem. Infact, I like a lot of it..

deathkougra wrote:Honor

How would you define honor,
Is it something you work for?
Is it something you fight for?
Is it something you dedicate you life for?
What is honor? I would take out this line, it sounds better without it

Honor is nothing,
You can’t see it,
How do you know you earned it?
How do you know you have it?
How do you know it even exists? I might consider taking out the 'How's on lines three and five of this stanza, but I'm not sure, so i might ask for a second opinion on that..

Would you dedicate you life to something that might not be there?
Would you fight for something you can’t see?
Will you dedicate you life to something you won’t be able to feel?
Will you die for something that won’t save you? absolutly love this line!

Would you do all that for something? This is just me, but I think it would be better if you changed something to honor, but again, I'm not sure. Second opinions are always a good idea (especially when I'm critiquing.)

Oooooh I like this one, alot of question marks though.

But death com'on you've gotta do two reviews before you post any of your own work, and keep a 2:1 ratio after that. It keeps the community healthy.

You've posted 2 things and done no reviews, s i'd suggest getting at least four done fast.

Scarecrow