Aedomir

Hey! Nice to see a bit more descriptive fantasy (I love descriptive scenes!). The first paragraph I thought was really well presented. In fact I also loved it in the ...

Heya! '“Yes’m,”' I don't understand that, just my lack of social skills I expect :-D Anyway, I really like this story. It's great. Mature, senisible, thought out, original, it's just ...

Wow! I honestly loved that thoroughly! My favourite line: 'In a French countryside torn apart, The mud, the trench, the broken heart.' The punctuation makes it flow so brilliantly, and ...

I really liked this, you have real talent. I think your sentences are very well structured, it's jsut the occasional repetition of grammar issues. Jabber got all those. Nothing to ...

Hey BBB! I've already crit this piece before, so I won't again. This is really good, just something to be careful of: 1800s England, They wouldn't have had six story ...

Poems really aren't my thing, but I will do what I can: I agree with Liz about making the lines stronger. Simple grammar may fix this up, but some of ...

Heya! I said I'd get to it: through a lawn that was a pristine white blanket This description is great, but this particular part seems a bit awkward. How about ...

What a brilliant adaptation! This is really good, and I enjoyed it tremendously. I haven't seen The little mermaid so I can't compare really, but the way 'Daddy's girl' is ...

Second, this is way too short to be a story. This is a carry on. Hiya! I like this, but I am still unsure where this is going, I hope ...

I don't think they're called hijackers in cars. They are called carjackers :-). Hijackers are for aeroplanes lol. 'What were the seats now above me?' ' WHY were seats now ...

Heya! I've read the first one, and I really liked it, but when he stood up with the gun, wouldn't bus have lost control? Bah. OK: “I—I don’t have a ...

Heya! Sorry it took a while, I've been so pressed down with homework: I see you've edited it based on other's suggestions, so ther's really nothing I can see from ...

Heya there! I don't think I've seen you about, lets have a look shall we? Oh god, why dose my 'Does', typo “Rhhhaaaaaahoo” At first I thought that there was ...

Heya! Sorry it took a while to get to, I've been really stuck down with homework... I was very unsure where you were going with this at first, but now ...

I really liked this, it has a great start... and ending, in fact all 7 lines were good! :-D I am unsure about the plot, because I don't know what ...