Daily Devotions

Daily Devotions

A place to discuss your daily readings of the Bible with fellow Christians.

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  • Created Mon Jan 05, 2015 4:11 am

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  • Snazzy
    Snazzy · Sep 27, 2018
    I am writing this mostly because I am struggling with my faith in God and have been for the past few months. At first it was just me feeling nonchalant about it (and everything) - I'd force myself to keep reading the Bible and force myself to stay engaged at church.

    But now, I've gone 2-3 days without touching my Bible at all, and when I pray, it's only out of habit of praying for my food and such. I don't even talk to God anymore. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not coping well with anything (anxiety or depression) at the moment.

    I talked to my Christian teacher about this, and he said the important thing to remember while dealing with things personally was to always stay faithful. It was okay to have times when you don't feel like going to church or reading your Bible.

    I'm afraid I've become super unfaithful. Even to the point where I don't want to ask God for help with becoming faithful again, or even helping me cope with the depression because I'm guilty.

    Along with that, I'm finding I don't fit into "church culture", or at least the church culture I'm raised in. Which sucks, because that makes me feel like it's my fault again.

    (a little larger explanation en-spoilered for trigger warning pertaining to suicide)
    Spoiler
    a large part of it has to do with the fact that one of our assistant pastors who preaches on Wednesday nights said "suicide is murder, because you're murdering someone's child, someone's sister/brother, etc.". and because I've struggled and sometimes still struggle with suicidal thoughts, I feel very disconnected with my church (generally all elderly) who all nod or "amen" in approval. so this has been a big rift between me and my church, and I'm pretty sure no one knows of it but me.


    A couple of days ago, I went out to somewhat unfamiliar territory and walked around that town. I forgot about my friends, my family, and I forgot about my faith. And I feel guilty in saying it, but it felt so good. Because in that instance, I was able to just be. I was able to let my mind wander into the part that what I believe my church would shame me for.

    I hope all of that makes sense, because I'm still totally confused by everything. I feel so lost.

    Messenger replied · Sep 27, 2018

    Hey Snazzy,
    Let me just say that you are in no way shape or form going through something that many Christians, including me for sure, have not gone through. I go to a Christian college and am studying Youth Ministries yet I've gone way off the path even while here at college, and am getting back on track. I don't want to have a massive discussion here in the comments, but if you would like to talk please PM me. A lot of what you said resonates with me and lots of things that have happened in my family. I just don't want to cross boundaries or put comments out in the open for anyone to read for safety and privacy :)


    SnowGhost replied · Sep 28, 2018

    Spoiler
    Hello Snazzy. Though I could never completely understand what you're going through, I've had similar feelings myself and here's what I have to say from my experience.

    God isn't the kind of master who would force us to do anything, he's patiently waiting for us to want to, no matter how long it takes.
    I think he's also waiting for you to forgive yourself for feeling guilty, he wants to help you forgive yourself and move forward. And God is and always will be there for you when you need him through the roller-coasters in life.
    No matter how far away someone goes from God, he will always accept them back with open arms, and he accepts people simply by looking at their heart and not because of how much they read their bible or how many times they went to church.

    So though as hard as it can be, one of the most important things is just to trust him, it's a two way relationship and you nor he can fix it or grow it on your own.

    I know a lot of this sounds clich?? and you may have heard it all before, but I truly believe it all and that helped me. <3
    But different things work for different people but the first step is just to try.


    Wolfi replied · Sep 28, 2018

    Sending my love, Snazzy. I'm praying that you will find your way again! <3 A comforting thought is that God knows and understands everything about you, what you're feeling and what you're thinking, and still He loves you so much and is waiting patiently for you to come home.



Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
— Elbert Hubbard