Chapter II: Destruction, Devastation and remembrance.

by zeroZyra

Published May 28, 2017

12+

In The Awakening: Darkness from within

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...But even light or dark were to be suppressed, balance will always be restored.

Darkness, floating once more. This time however it was different. Instead of soothing and pleasant it felt more oppressing, almost suffocating. I felt like I was being dragged, pulled. Taken away to another place. The girl was standing there again, clad in white robes. Long blond hair flowing down her body. I tried reaching out again, she did the same. But alas it was not meant to be as I got dragged all the way down.

"I'll always be there for you." I remember saying those words, but to who. Why of all times am am I remembering this now? "don't worry, I'll keep my promise. I will come back."

I will come back... to keep my promise...

I opened my eyes only to realize I was completely submerged under water. I tried to reach the surface which was a lot harder than expected, as if I was being dragged down. But I couldn't give up now. When I finally breached the surface I gasped for air. I looked around trying to get to land but the current was too strong. The river tossing my around like a helpless toddler incapable of swimming. One big rock was enough to dim the lights once more.

***

When I woke up I found myself by the riverside. I was bruised and battered, but still breathing. I tried standing up which I quickly regretted. Guess laying down for a bit won't hurt.

I looked up at the cloudy sky, hoping to see the sun.

"You have a great guardian angel, you do realize that right."

The sudden appearance of the voice startled me. I sat straight immediately regretting my decision as a surge of pain when through my body. I looked for the origin of the voice when I noticed Zyra sitting a few meters behind me. I laid myself back down.

"Most people would've died by now, multiple times," he continued. "When you're ready we should go, we have a long journey ahead of us."

"A long journey? How so?"

Zyra sighed. "I will tell you something. Me finding you inside that labyrinth was no coincidence. In fact I was looking for someone. However I didn't know if you were indeed the person I was looking for, but after seeing that display of yesterday I'm starting to get more and more convinced you are."

"That I am who?" I asked.

Zyra waited before answering, as if determining his respons. "Someone that can put an end to this madness." He paused. "Still, the only way to be sure is for you to overcome the six trials. Gaining the blessing of the ancients."

Trials, ancients?

"you'll understand once the time comes," Zyra said.

Sitting up I look over at him, slightly shocked. How did he-?

"Don't worry, I don't always read your mind..." Another unasked question answered.

his words had a slightly sinister undertone. Then a realization hit me, "Don't you even think-"

He burst into laughter, "I'm just pulling your chain, you humans are just too amusing at times. Now, let's get going then"

you humans?

***

Right before leaving I went to fill the water tank that was attached to my belt. When I bent over the river I saw my face for the first time. Strangely, I did not recognize that face, my face. It was like a stranger staring back at me from the other side of the surface, a man I had never seen before. Dark-brown, semi-long hair. A slim, sharp face accompanied by a pair of dark-blue eyes. Pale white skin and a slender yet trained body. Is this... me?

"Is something the matter?" I hadn't noticed Zyra moving next to me. "You look troubled by something."

Where to begin, I have no memories and I can't even recognize my own face? What happened to me inside that labyrinth?

I looked at Zyra, "Do you know why I was inside that labyrinth? You said you were looking for someone, what would someone be doing in a place like that?"

Again, Zyra had to think before answering. "I felt something wasn't right. A dark power was coming from down that place so I went to investigate. While down there I found you, which can't be coincidence."

I decided to leave it at that, at least for now.

***

We left the river behind us, moving onward. My belly grumbled. "Man I'm hungry, I got to eat something soon before I starve."

"Where are we going anyway?" I asked.

"Civilization." He said.

"You have no idea where we're going do you?" I continued .

"Not a clue."

After walking for about an hour the forest got less thick and more open. Eventually we found a dirt road. Now it was only a matter of picking the right path. Either way was probably going to lead us to civilization. We chose left and continued our journey. Alongside the road laid some fallen trees. Must've been a brutal storm...

By the time the sun was at it's highest point we saw something in the distance. The trees and bushes were replaced with endless hills and grasslands. And, a village!

When we came closer we saw it was a small village, yet something seemed off. We walked past numerous farms, but there weren't any farmers. When we came close enough to the village we saw the destruction that had taken place. We entered the village, what was left of it at least. Houses were diminished to mere ruble as broken possessions were strewn around. Yet strangely enough there were no bodies to be found. Everything was, clean. There were a few houses though that were still holding up. I decided to investigate, maybe someone was still in there.

One of the first things I entered was chaos, furniture flipped over, shards of broken pots and glass. If someone was still living here it would've at least been cleaned up. I looked around a bit, checking all the cupboards. To my surprise I found a jar of dried meat, happily taking it. While eating it eagerly I wondered if the previous owners would've been happy knowing that, even whilst gone, they were able to help someone. Unable to take any with me, I ate as much I could before leaving.

When I came outside I spotted Zyra walking further, ultimately coming to a stop near the village square. I caught up to him looking down on what must've been the main road. I was about to ask Zyra something when a surge of pain went through my head, forcing me onto my knees. Around me everything was changing. A storm was raging. Bright lightning followed by ear-deafening thunder. The horrid screams of people filled the air as more and more bodies collected themselves on the floor. When I found the courage to look up I saw three bodies in front of me, armored, wielding weapons. Emotions welled up inside of me, the most prominent being fear. Fear of what?!

I had to get out of here. Run, run as far away as I possibly could. I gathered all my strength and stood up, my legs trembling. And ran I did, out of the city. The storm, the screams, The further I got from the village the more they faded. Like some sort of bad dream. After a while my running became more of a jog, eventually dying down to a moderate walk. Whilst walking I stumbled upon three stone piles, the ground underneath them disturbed. I just there as a single tear rolled over my cheek. When Zyra finally arrived he stopped next to me and looked at me.

"Let's just go," he calmly said, as if he somehow understood what was going on.

***

I kept thinking about what happened in that village. was it my imagination? It all felt so real. But Zyra did not seem to notice any of it... Was it truly all in my head?
We came to a crossroad. There was a single sign pointing left which read: "Jerasa". It was starting to get dark and we needed to find a place to sleep. We took a left to Jerasa. After a good walk we could see the city in the distance, it was massive. The entire structure was build on top of a hill, with big white walls surrounded the entire city and a beautiful castle on the very top. I had never seen such a big city before, or at least I think so. There was a big line of people waiting in front of the humongous gates. We went to the back of the line.

"Excuse me, Miss," I asked. "Could you tell us why there's such a big line?"

A young woman turned around. She had a gentle smile and looked willing enough to help.

She answered "Why yes, everyone entering the city must give up their name. That way they can monitor who enters and leaves the city. They can't be careful enough nowadays, with the borders open." War?

Suddenly it hit me and my hope dwindled.

"Is something the matter, you look shocked?" the woman asked. "You don't have to worry, you just need to give your name."

I left the line and sat down by a nearby tree.

"What is it?" Zyra sat down next to me.

My name, my name. What is my name...

"I...I don't know, my name" I said.

"Well," Zyra said "We'll just make one up."

"You don't understand. I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY OWN NAME! I don't know who I am, who I'm supposed to be..."

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

Zyra spoke "Does it really matter that much? You are who you are, the person who once was has nothing to do with that. You just be the best you can and tomorrow we'll find a name for you. Let's rest here for the night."

"Tank you, Zyra."

***

That girl again, this time I could see her clearer.

"Be.... .f X......"

She was trying to say something but I couldn't make out what. Something seemed to be troubling her. I tried reaching out for her again. A young beautiful girl. Bright blue eyes encased by a sweet and gentle face. I recognized her, yet I was certain that I had never seen her before.

"Be.... .f X......"

Again her voice.

"Who are you?" I asked.

She shocked, looking sad. I wanted to help her, but she was still too far away. Then darkness pulled her away. I tried to run after her. But I was too slow, I was unable to save you.

***

I woke up. I tried recollecting my dream, tried to make out her words.

"Ah, you're awake I see." Zyra was standing in front of me, looking at the city. "Let's get you a new name then."

then it came to me, her words: "Be.... .f Xherath."

"Xherath..." I mumbled.

Zyra gave me a confused look. "What did you say?"

"My name, it's Xherath" I said.

Zyra looked at me, shocked.

"What is it?" I asked.

"how did you remember it?"

I replied "A girl told me, in my dream."

Zyra gave me a weird look. "Of course," he sighed. "Well regardless, let's enter the great city of Jerasa."

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Birdman
Review
Birdman wrote a review Review · May 28, 2017

Hey there zeroZyra. Birdman dropping by to help rescue your work from the green room.

Akelia has already gone over quite a few things, so I'll try and keep this down to a minimum. My main troubles are with the dialogue and the thoughts that you have going on, because they're a rather substantial part of your story and they've gone bad. The dialogue is missing caps, cues and is filled with slang that doesn't really work good. One example is the last line of the chapter, which I've placed in the quote below.

"Of course," he sighed. "Welp anyway, let's enter the great city of Jerasa."

'welp' has got to go man, nobody actually verbally expresses welp. It's slang and chat speak and if you try in real life, you make the sound work. But it's not a word you would straight out use in dialogue because it's technically not a word. You could however lean into it with your main character saying he made the sound, that would adjust it better, but for the most part it doesn't go.

Another bothersome point is all of the ellipsis that have scattered your work. Not going to go into my speech about why ellipsis are a good thing but you shouldn't have too many. I've already tried to explain that too many times today. Instead I'll say this. If you're going to keep so many, could you at least please have the respect and limit them to the standard (and correct) three dots. The only way to describe anything more than this amount is trashy.

The plot slips and slides here and there. Some points of it make me want to know more but the splitting of the scenes is kinda driving me away, you may want to look into better transitions. The thing with using asterisks, is that they're usually for super long periods of time but you seem to be using them every five minutes. I think this might be bouncing around just a bit too much and you might want to go the way of splitting them up into a decimal system. That way you can go further in detail, splitting up the scenes further and building more on the reasons why everyone should stick around and read your work.

Hmm. Well that's all for now.
Happy review day.
Birdman out.

This certainly helps thanks. But about the ellipsis, it's not just ..., they were referring to missing letters that the protagonist couldn't hear so yea.

User avatar
AkeliaTaske
Review
AkeliaTaske wrote a review Review · May 28, 2017

Hey there! Akelia here for a review!

I'm a huge fan of fantasy and medieval writings, so this appealed to me greatly. I enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to read more!

So like I do in every review, I will give you two different things. Sour, and sweet. Sweet being everything I liked about your poem and what you did well, and Sour being things you could improve on. Let's get started. We'll do the sour first, just to get it over with.

Sour:

A. I noticed a few times in your writing when you were finishing a sentence with "I said," or "he asked," or whatever, quote a few times you were missing a period. There was also some other endings missing from a few other sentences in this piece.

B. In the scene where the main character was exploring the village, it jumped from her exploring and searching, to something being wrong. IT didn't give a lot of context, and while it might be explained further in later chapters, it was a bit confusing to read.

Now, onto the sweets!

Sweet:

A. Even though this was the second chapter, I got a good feel for jumping right in. The dialogue was good, and pretty much everything was placed right.

B. It was interesting, and exciting. The beginning was very enjoyable, and drew me right in. I wanted to know more, which is needed very much in writing.

Anyway, that's my review. Good job on your work, and remember, never stop writing!

-Akelia

Thank you for your review, it means a lot.
However, I don't know why but everyone keeps thinking that the mc is a girl.
Anyway, about the confusing part, that was kind of the point. As a first person perspective I try to make the audience feel what the mc feels.



It always seems impossible until it's done.
— Nelson Mandela