The ballots opened at 11 and one by one people entered the facility, Aaron was one of the first, his vote was taken within the first two hours. He entered the room where there were two very stunned guard figures. They were not equipped to deal with this many people. They grilled Aaron for a good 45 minutes before they gave him his ballot. The questions were stupid ones. What day is the U.S. independence day, how many states are there, things like that that everyone knew, but generally weren't worth the time to answer, especially due to the sheer quantity. When he got his ballot Aaron filled out what he needed to. He and Luke would have full power over the state of the country and had the right to make any decision they wanted. That would give them the ability to reform and reestablish a real vote. Whether or not they stayed in power after they fixed the country was up to the people. After that Aaron excited the building, met by a series of triumphant cheers from the crowd. They were tired, but still kicking. It was only the beginning though.
Hours ticked off and the lines didn't seem to be getting any shorter. The people were coming out faster, a combination of people practicing the questions in line and the guards being to lazy to ask them all. The sun began to sink in the sky, the energy of the crowd began to diminish, but not die out entirely. Eventually the dark eveloped the area and it was obvious, the hopes of the crowds took a major hit. The real challenge of merely standing in line began to sink in and as the dark and cold set in the crowds dwindled. The lights that should have kept the streets well lit, even late at night, seemed to have fallen into disrepair, but of course, so had everything else in the city. As the cold began to sink in an epidemic of despair took the revolutionaries, and many began to desert. It began as just a few people, but the number of people leaving grew exponentially. Aaron watched in sadness, Eunice curled in his arms for warmth. They both looked in helplessness upon the situation.
Luke sat in an alleyway, next to a grate that glowed, providing him with a surprising amount of heat and a gloomy sort of light. He considered that it was for the best that their plan was failing. Aaron would collapse under the power and it would take up too much of his time. Now he could focus on protecting Aaron and himself against a broken country. Everyone else was on their own. Luke stood up, instantly feeling the cold again, and began to walk toward his home, not looking back at the dwindling crowd behind him.
Bill ran up to Aaron and Eunice.
"Guys, the numbers are shrinking."
"I know" Aaron said stoically.
"We've gotta do something about it."
"What do you want me to do Bill, they're cold, they're tired, our chances are dead."
"You've gotta be kidding me. You can't give up on all of us, kid. We need you!"
Aaron looked up into Bill's face. There was a fire behind his eyes, Bill wasn't ready to give up. This startled Aaron, and gave him the strength he needed to stand again. Bill's courage and power was contagious to Aaron, and suddenly sitting around wasn't enough for him. Aaron helped Eunice up.
"What do we need to do Bill?"
"Fire up the troops, give one of those speeches you're so good at."
"I can't just come up with one on the spot Bill, it takes preparation."
"Well, you have sixty seconds, better prepare."
Aaron, cleared his throat and nodded.
"You can do it Aaron, just get them to hold out a little longer." Eunice said, kissing Aaron on the cheek.
Aaron walked into the crowd and toward a lampost in the middle of the crowd. Eyes began to turn to him, expecting their spirits to be raised by whatever Aaron was to say. He stood there a moment, developing his composure, and opened his mouth to speak.
Nothing came out.
It's not that he had nothing to say, it's just that there was nothing that could help these people. He could talk for hours in attempts to inspire them, but that would not change a thing. They weren't lacking spirit, they were lacking warmth, light, and rest, and nothing he could say would change that. For the first time since the whole ordeal began Aaron felt completely and utterly worthless. He began to breathe heavy with anger, there was nothing he could do. Suddenly he turned to the lightpost.
"GOD DAMMIT!" He screamed, kicking the lightpost.
He beat that thing with all of his might, rattling the flimsy metal casing until it was dented. He produced great banging sounds and bruised his apendages as he simply battered the broken device, but he didn't seem to care.
"WORK YOU DAMN THING, WORK! LIGHT! WE NEED LIGHT! LET THERE BE LIGHT!"
Giving the post one final kick he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, he saw the light flicker. Then it flickered again, then again. Suddenly, the lamp atop the post came to life, and that wasn't all. One by one every light along the street came on, providing light and even warmth for the revolutionaries in the streets. Aaron was dumbfounded, the only thing that he could think to do was cheer, so he did, and so did all of his followers, once again entirely willing to wait in line for something they believed in.
"Look Bill, he did it." Eunice cried.
"I'll be dambed, the kid's like a magician." Bill said, scratching his head.
The cheers of the now merry crowd could be heard for miles, and it didn't take long for the sound to reach Luke's ears. He turned around, seeing the glow from the streets ahead of him. He knew it had to be Aaron. He looked down and sighed.
"I suppose we are going to have a revolution after all."
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Hello!

Here for a review
Firsty I'd like to say that I really did like your piece a lot. Your title drew me in, I don't know why I have a thing for rebellions and stuff like that haha, and your style of writing is very straightforward and direct. I did justjump into chapter 5 and I wish I knew more but I only seem to see chapter 4 on here...?
Here are the nitpicks:
I'm not sure about this sentence... You might be right but something just puts me off. Maybe I would change it so the two example questions have question marks. Also, I would write 'things like that which everyone knew' instead of repeating 'that'.
If you used 'would' once you have to use it for the rest of the sentence. So it would be 'and would have the right to make any....' or just 'have' instead of 'had'.
*too lazy
[/quote] The sun began to sink in the sky, the energy of the crowd began to diminish, but not die out entirely. Eventually the dark eveloped the area and it was obvious, the hopes of the crowds took a major hit. The REAL challenge of merely standing in line began to sink in and as the dark and cold set in the crowds dwindled.[/quote]
I just wanted to say that this was my favourite part. You created beautiful imagery and chose the perfect vocabulary.
Please let me know if you have the previous chapters
thegirlwhowrites
Chapters 1-5 are on here, but unfortunately I screwed up the folder, so I can just link you here.
1.
Revolution - Chapter 1
2.
Revolution - Chapter 2
3.
Revolution - Chapter 3
4. (Though I think you already found this one)
Revolution - Chapter 4
And I will probably post chapter 6 in two parts later today. Thanks for the review!
Hello there, Zephion! GreenLight24 here with a review for you on this terrific Thursday night.
Before I get into the thick of this review, let me take a minute to explain to you how it will be structures. Just because I feel like the majority of the writers on this site are already extremely solid in these areas, I won't really be focusing too much on grammar, spelling, and punctuation. My main focus instead will be on the thematic, narrative, and descriptive aspects of this chapter. First I will point out a few things that I thought you did well with this work, then I'll try to offer you some constructive criticisms later on in the review. It's showtime! 

*clears throat*
Okay, so the first thing that I'd like to commend you on here is the way you've described your scenes and characters. Although I haven't read any of the previous chapters, I was still able to get a very good picture of what each of them is like and what their main traits are. You've also managed to make your characters pretty likable, and other than Eunice, there wasn't really one you mentioned in this chapter that seemed to offer nothing much to the story. Like I said, I haven't read your other chapters; maybe Eunice is an integral part of those or will become one somewhere down the road, but in this one, I think it;s okay that she's taking a backseat to the others. In other words, I think you've made it work.
Another thing that I thought was good about this chapter was the pacing. It didn't ever seem like you were moving the chapter along too fast or too slow, and you allowed yourself enough time to include ample and appropriate detail of the setting, etc. without drawing it out too long. Good job keeping it interesting by moving things along at an even-keeled pace. I can tell that you had a plan going into this chapter for what exactly you wanted it to look like. I thought it unfolded pretty nicely.
The third thing I've got to praise you for is just the idea of this chapter/novel and the concepts behind it. Because I haven't read the others, I'm not even sure what the heck it's about or what you're going for here, but I was still sucked into the events. Whatever this "revolution" is that your characters are trying to incite, it seems like it's pure awesomeness. Sometimes, novelists get carried away with that kind of thing and take too long to develop their main ideas, but you've introduced this plot point very well without giving too much away.
As far as constructive criticisms go, the only things I would suggest to you are that you go back and proofread (don't be alarmed I say this on every review lol) and that you split up that first paragraph. Proofreading is an essential part of writing any work and can ALWAYS be of use to a writer, especially of a novel. As for the first paragraph, it seems like you;re talking about two different things here. First, you lay out the general situation/circumstances, then you go into the description of the characters' feelings and the setting. All I'm suggesting is that you split these things up. Not only will this make the first paragraph an easier read for your audience, but it will also help you separate some of those ideas and contribute greatly to the "set-up" strength of this chapter.
Overall, it was a great read and I'm very intrigued by this novel. Good job! I hope you find this review helpful moving forward and never stop writing!