“Who are you?” asked Gary again.
“We don’t have time for that, come on.” said the girl, floating back out the window.
“But, I can’t fly.” reminded Gary.
“You will be able to in a minute,” the girl said, “here, Farasky Visinatis.”
The floating girl’s hands glowed and she pointed them at Gary. Gary felt his head spin a bit, what on earth
was happening? Then, he left the floor. He simply floated to the ceiling. Gary turned pale, was this some sort of prank?
“Come on,” said the girl “we don’t have all day!”
“But how-?”
“Do you fly? It’s easy, just focus on your destination and you’ll go there. Don’t worry, it will all make sense in a bit.”
Okay, thought Gary, how much worse can it get? He looked down at the floor, focusing as hard as he could.
This caused him to nose dive straight into the floor. The girl began laughing.
“Is everything alright up there Gary?” called Miss Hafmon from below.
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” he replied.
“Hurry up!” whispered the girl.
Gary tried again. He focused outside the window, with a little less effort this time, and he drifted right out the window. He closed it behind him.
“Follow me.” shouted the girl, over the traffic below.
"I'm sorry, I always forget about the whole.... breathing thing."
"You caught him, that's what matters."
Gary opened his eyes, to see two figures looking down on him. One was the floating girl the other, an old man. He was not particularly tall, but intelligent looking. His green eyes seemed to look right through him. The little man scratched his bald head.
"You okay, son?" he said.
"Where am I?" stammered Gary.
"That's not important at the moment, what's important is that you're okay."
"I'm tired."
"Common after your first bought of flying, it'll pass." replied the floating girl.
"What happened?" Gary inquired.
"You flew too high," the old man said with a cough, "Mara here forgot that we that live need to breath."
"I'm sorry." whispered the girl.
"No harm done," said the old man, "He'll be fine."
"Who are you?"
"Oh dear me, what was I thinking. Not introducing myself, I'm afraid that it's been quite a while since I have seen a person outside of Mara here. I am Albert Greene, wizard."
"Wizard?"
"Yes, you heard me correctly."
"What is a wizard?"
"We will get there soon enough. Now Mara, will you lead him to the kitchen, and help him get something to eat."
"Of course, it would be my pleasure." replied the floating girl as Albert walked away.
Gary sat up and glanced around. It was a dark room, not very large, but grande in its own way. It was lined with books and maps and pictures. There was a shelf, filled with bottles, and vials and jars full of substancesunknown to Gary. He was intrigued, but still mystified. It only furthered Gary's confusion as to what a wizard actually is.
"Are you ready then?" said the floating girl.
"Who are you?" asked Gary.
"My name is Mara, I'm..... nevermind, we'll get to that later. We need to get you some food. Follow me."
Mara floated into the next room, Gary stood up from the bed and followed the odd girl out of the room. They entered the kitchen. It was simple, with a refrigerator, a few cabinets and a sink. Mara floated to the cieling.
"Take whatever you like." Mara said, motioning to the cabinets.
Gary reached up into the cabinet and pulled out a box of crackers. It wasn't until he put one in his mouth did he realize how hungry he was. He ate one cracker after another until half the box was gone. He looked up, seeing Mara. He blanched, realizing how rude he was being.
"Would you like some?" he said holding the box toward Mara.
"Oh, no, that's all right. I... don't eat." replied Mara.
Gary paused a moment and an awkward silence filled the room. Gary cleared his throat.
"Erm, why is that, may I ask." Gary stammered.
"Because I'm a ghost."
Gary choked on a cracker.
"A what?"
"A ghost, I'm dead?"
There was another pause as Gary attempted to process this. He stared at Mara for a moment. Albert entered the room, paused a moment and spoke to Gary.
"I see that you've told him then, I guess it's time to fill him in."
End of chapter
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Your fascination with such unholy witchcraft is very troubling. I shall report you to the Magisterium at once.
Arrrgh! You keep ending the chapter right when things get interesting! Okay so far we have a ghost, a wizard, and a boy who can see ghosts, oh and the little crow girl form the prologue. This is getting interesting. I can't really see much that's wrong with this piece. The only thing i would consider working on is how much Gary freaked out when all the weird things started happening. I mean he did have a moment of what the heck? but it passed pretty quickly. So yeah, this piece is awesome. I can't wait to read more!
Okey, he did fly out of the window, I'm content with that.
Although I would have liked some more description of flying, some more view below or the wind.
I feel like everything is happening too fast an there is also lack of descriptions of the wizard and his place and either me or you missed it, but I still din't know what the ghost girl look like.
"A ghost, I'm dead?" - why is there a question mark?
All in all, not bad, but it could be better.
Hey again Sephiroth.
Alright, well, this chapter. This chapter. This chapter introduces a lot of interesting elements, but doesn't quite explain them very well. You may want to work on that. Mainly, what are wizards (in this novel), what is Mara/Albert's purpose, and so forth. Speaking of wizards, it struck me as odd that Gary has no idea what wizards are. Most children do, and fantasize about them at some point. Hmm.
Now, onto nit-picks.
Should be a full-stop after 'said,' instead of a comma.
As for the flight, I would have enjoyed more of Gary's thoughts, feelings, reactions. He seems to be very trusting, embarking on a trippy journey with a ghost girl, but apparently not trusting enough to be adopted. How quirky. Speaking of ghost girl, I would have liked a
description of her as well.
Let's not forget it's also very cold, especially in Seattle, at night, up high. Or so I believe. I may be wrong, and the temperature is very pleasant throughout the hear there.
But... she's a ghost. How?
Well, that concludes the nit-picking. This promises to be an interesting chapter, but isn't comprehensive enough to explain things and clear the reader's confusion.
Hope this helped
~Ita
Hey again.
I don't know what to say about this chapter...it's rather weird. A lot of things are happening without explanation, and new story and plot elements are randomly introduced. Like who the heck is this old man? You've done like nothing to establish (let alone hint) who he was and his relationship with the girl or what role he plays in the story.
Also, why are they bringing Gary to this place? I'm sure they aren't just kidnapping him. And why the heck is Gary suddenly a ghost?
If you are going to introduce new things to a story, you need to at least spend some time building it up and establish what's going on, otherwise it's going to be rather random, which is what it is right now coz I have no idea as to what I've just read.
Andy.
very nice there sirtently is a lot of speech