Yay to me!
I have came up with enough courage to post something!
This is a very short 'prologue' of my work in progress Sci-Fi, The Tyran Menace!
Now im off to prepare a copy for you all to chew up and shred(Not that you'd do that? Right?)
Anyway,here it is!
|____The____Tyran____Menace____|
The advent of Faster-Than-Light travel, or FTL, in 2362 opened up
new paths to humans. In the year 2421, the Earth was polluted to the
max, a full Exodus into space to go to the nearest three inhabitable
planets, all circling around the same sun, at the same distance, the three
planets were dubbed, Micro, the smallest, not much larger than Mars,
Aquaran, the planet that was mostly water, and Terra, the one that most
resembled earth, one moon and two great landmasses.
On their way they had encountered an alien species, they called
themselves the Fymar Alliance, they were insectoids and a peaceful race.
The Fymar brought the humans to their twin planets, Fye and Mar. They
taught the humans many things, like that there was a war-like race called
the Tyran near where they were planning to go,then they equipped all the
human ships with Warpers, a device that warped space and increased the
faster-than-light speed a hundred fold, and wished them good luck.
When humans arrived to the three planets, they had already broken
up into three different colonies; the Terran Empire went to Terra, the Alkar
went to Aquaran, and the United Federation went to Micro.
Within years they had first contact with the Tyran and it was pure
blood-shed. The Terran Empire was peaceful, but their attempts for civil
contact were crushed, and their planet raided, killing half the population.
With help from its brother colonies, the Terran Empire was put back on its
feet.
But after that, all three colonies began to build shipyards and orbital
weapons platforms to defend against the Tyran threat, for the next war with
the Tyran, they were prepared.
___________________________________________
So that was the prologue, does this have potential, I haven't revealed
much plot yet.
I know it was kind of short, sorry, that was more of a breif view of the past
happening than a prolouge, ill begin work on chapter one soon
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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It does have potential, though you might want to think twice about a prologue. Rather than dump all this information on us, you could give it to us in increments as we follow your main character.
I know this is science fiction, but I dont think you really get how fast light travels. And then to increase it by one-hundred fold... It's a little far-fetched. Even for SciFi.
You might want to elaborate more on the system when you have the opportunity and make it more realistic. A major part of scifi is making it plausible.
Good luck.
Ok, the only main problem I had with it was that it went by to fast, and as soon as I was done reading it, I was like, "Oh...What?"
There was too much words and not enough description and actions. I know that it's just a prolouge, but it didn't exactly grab me. Yeah, it is real cool that you placed the time in the future and now we can go to different planets, but I would really like to know how we got the technology and things like that. This isn't a race, and I would like to know what is going on.
But, otherwise, it has a great story and potential.
Can't wait to read the rest!!!
This is an interesting idea. However, you dump massive amounts of info on the reader. A reader doesn't want to read a history book, they want to read a novel. It's a classic example of what not to do when following the tried and true show-don't-tell rule. Don't tell what you could show - or in other words describe - to a reader, my friend. I want to be entertained, not taught. My advice would be to rewrite this from the point of view of a disposable character. Like dear Canislupis stated, this is more of a plot summary than part of a novel.
ugh. Cliche and colloquial. "To the max" A.) doesn't fit the writing style you've set up in the rest of the piece and B.) is something a fifth grader might throw in a story. Use a different term. The thesaurus is there for a reason.
Anyways, nice premise. I'm looking forward to more.
-Kylan
I echo frederick. A little to much telling as well, but I guess you can get away with it in a prologue....... quite a few grammatical errors, all of which need to be sorted out.
Definitely needs more description as well, which would also help the telliness
All in all, this felt more like a plot summary than a prologue. I also feel it would be improved with a little dialogue........
PM me with questions.
Oh my, my name is a planet. Fye. Haha.
Anyway, for a prologue it was okay, not bad but not wonderful either(maybe it's my taste.. Hmm.. I BET you it's my taste).
But overall, you've kept me interested! And that's not the easiest thing to do in the world.
The introduction went a little fast for me. From FTL and aliens and planets and then more planets and I felt like I was on an FTL train itself! Then again, I'm not too sure whether that's how prologues should be. Nonetheless! Looking forward to chapter 1.
hmm.. very descriptive, very good for a prolugue. i like the idea, but i still dont get what the main idea is, well i guess i don't need to since its just a prolugue. anyway, good job