Worst Enemy

Hi, YoungWolf!

Totes gonna review this for you. Hopefully, it ain't too late, but maybe it'll give insight for future works, too.

I really like how this resolves in a sort of air of confidence for the speaker. It's kind of optimistic in a brave or courageous way, which I find awesome. Always. So yay!

As I read, I spotted a couple inconsistencies that seemed out of place, so I'll point those out here. But there were parts that I liked as well.

With every step that I take,
You're right behind me.
Every move that you make,
I can see.
The whole world is watching us,
But it's not enough.
Now the Gods and Goddesses
Laugh as they watch.

So the first half of this stanza is awesome. I liked it. The second half seemed weird to me, though. I didn't understand the "It's not enough" line. What's not enough? The world watching isn't enough? Which didn't make sense since the gods and goddesses were laughing. That said, I think the gods and goddesses reference seems out of place here since deities were never referred to again in the song.

Make your move, do it now,
Cause I'm taking aim.
I draw the bow, pull the trigger,
Now do the same.
Closing in, coming fast,
Don't corner me.
Beacause the wolf, bites back,
Oh god, it's manifesting.

Now, I think the gods and goddesses reference had some improvement with the bow reference. It gives a little Greek mythology as a fun metaphor to use. Of course, the trigger following it was then out of place. So I think I'd suggest rethinking how you work in the Greek reference if you use it at all. It might either play a bigger part or none at all.

Also, again, the wolf was never referred to again. No one was ever compared to a wolf, so it was another random metaphor that didn't make sense to relate to.

After reading the song as a whole, I liked it. I like where it's going, so what I would suggest to improve it would be to explain things better. Give a little more background to emotions or the story behind why the speaker is fighting themselves. It'll give the reader more reason to relate to it. And sympathy is always a bonus. Give them a reason to care!

As I've said, I really liked where this was going, so keep working on it. I hope to see an edited version at some point.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!