Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,298 Literary Works • 673,080 Reviews
I love it! Who all is in your band?
Me, eric, josh, tyler
Lol, and drake.... lol, I always forget him cause he never shows up to a practice... Grr...
Wow this was so beautiful! I really wish I could hear it played. You had a lovely rhythm throughout and it was interesting how you kept it sweet but still managed to portray a more provocative undertone in some lines. I loved it! I don't have anything too negative to say other than one tiny thing: I have this pet peeve when people end two rhyming lines with the same word. In your case, you used "out":
But your love blocks it all out
The pleasure makes me cry out
But see I'm stuck on this critique because I don't know how else you could've worded it. So if you can think of some other way to make it rhyme but still keep the message, then awesome. If not, no big deal, it's still pretty good how it is.
Another thing I loved was how you used two very contradictory words, "beautiful" and "nightmare." It added to the mystery of the piece. Keep writing, you've got a great song here! I so wish I could hear it!
~Jess
Thanks!!