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i love the way this sounds in my head!
The words are portrayed beautifully and i love the repeated words on each end of a line. Its got a beautiful rhythm and it would sound amazing if you put some music with it (if you have i would love to listen to it!) Just watch out for grammar i would put this in a sentence and see if it flow exactly the same way if it does then perfect, if it doesn't alter it a bit. I have to say that i was getting what this song was about but got a bit lost on what it was trying to portray.
Overall i loved it!!
-PotterGeek-
Lol, thanks. I have put music to it. Well, in my head I have;) lol