Young Writers Society

Hello! A short review because I started to write a comment but then didn't stop typing!

I really enjoyed reading this poem and the concept of an Act II in a poem is so brilliant I don't know how I ever thought about it. It breaks up the poem while continuing the same message/story. I definitely may steal that one day in my personal work. The onomatopoeia used to introduce the first 6 stanzas is a wonderful touch that helped paint the picture. I can picture someone speaking, or perhaps writing, with the noise going on in the background. It wasn't abrasive, in your face, or awkward, and fit perfectly. Additionally, I enjoy the tone and message of the poem. In the first "Act", the narrator is very clearly reminiscing about being older, while Act II juxtaposes this with the narrator writing a letter to themself to be grateful for the things they had in their youth. I find it interesting how in the beginning, they seemed to be speaking to someone, but in the end, they write to themself. This shows growth in the narrator between the childish pride of wanting validation from others to the mature reflectiveness of our inner thoughts. Furthermore, this message is extremely relatable to almost everyone. The title fits the poem perfectly, and I also think it's fitting.

Usually, I will have a critique or two to help give a writer helpful feedback on how to improve, however, I genuinely found myself loving this poem from beginning to end. This is a type of poem to inspire someone to write, from the title to the structure, and the realistic approach used. I definitely need to check out your other work now!

Sincerely, Lullaby ♡

Hey there, here’s a short review. I love how you used onomatopoeias to build the setting around the reader. It helps for us the visualize this moment that the narrator is going through, as they dribble a basketball towards the basketball court with their bestfriend. One thing, I would like to see is that you expand further on the idea of growing up, and then in the second part where the narrator reflects on their childhood. Like for example, in both parts the narrator implies that they can’t do whatever they wanted. I think if this idea was expanded to show what exactly the narrator wanted to do then versus now that is different would be great. But overall, I enjoyed this poem a lot and it resonated with me as someone who used to play basketball with their friends.

Hey there, here’s a short review. I love how you used onomatopoeias to build the setting around the reader. It helps for us the visualize this moment that the narrator is going through, as they dribble a basketball towards the basketball court with their bestfriend. One thing, I would like to see is that you expand further on the idea of growing up, and then in the second part where the narrator reflects on their childhood. Like for example, in both parts the narrator implies that they can’t do whatever they wanted. I think if this idea was expanded to show what exactly the narrator wanted to do then versus now that is different would be great. But overall, I enjoyed this poem a lot and it resonated with me as someone who used to play basketball with their friends.

Hi! I'm here to review your poem.

I first want to say, the ending was beautiful, and I honestly did not expect it. I felt like it tied everything together.

Usually, unresolved sadness is not my thing, but the part of your poem was so real. There many literary works out there that approach the topic of wishing you were a kid again, and I think you got it exactly right.

The two different points of views are what make this book so delicately amazing. You give a topic, and then it is rejected. But at the same time, the insecurities are voiced. I got a really good feel of them only in a few lines.

One of the best parts was the pocket money. This is a problem so many people face, and while this may seem normal for someone, your poem makes it seem like the biggest problem in the world.

Near the end of act one, it shows the wishes of a child, and you can practically hear it. Hear the determination in the kids voice, to just do and be whatever.

What makes this really significant is the parts in this poem that mention friends, and then 'tricked you'. This poem was able to say he had no friends, he was lonely, without straight out saying, and that is a talent.

The way you tied it back to the end in the same way just kind of punched a hole in your gut, because this way, you can still see the little kid in it, as well as the adult.

I hope you found this helpful and encouraging. I would love to see more pieces like this from you.

Hi yosh! I'm going to review this poem using the YWS S'more Method today!

I absolutely loved this poem. It is so sad, but I also really love it.

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
The poem consists of a poem and a letter - the poem written by a child, and the letter written by an adult. The child says that they wish they were an adult already, so that they could have more freedom and do anything they wanted. In the letter, however, the adult says they wish they were a child again, because they remember that no one stopped them from doing anything, and they always got free pocket money from their parents.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
One thing I noticed is that above the letter is a heading that says "ACT II", but the previous part isn't labelled as "ACT I". Sorry if this sounds picky, because it sounds interesting that you chose to put that heading, I was just trying to find any things you didn't include. If the reason why you didn't put it was purposeful, that's totally fine.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I really loved the onomatopoeia in the first part, it adds a lot of meaning to the poem, especially when you add the slap sound of the kids stealing the ball. I also really loved the title. It is perfect for the poem, and it's so true. I was expecting the poem to be the specific scenario of the title, but I think this makes the meaning so much deeper. And how you conveyed the message in the poem in general is just so well done. In the first part, we really believe that it would be better for the person to be an adult, but then, when they are an adult, they say that they want to be a child. Also the side thing about the imaginary best friend is really interesting and also kind of sad. At the end, they put a "P.S." about the best friend, which is such a sad ending, because at the start, they were imagining the best friend.

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, I really loved this poem, it was so moving and meaningful and I really enjoyed reading it. I hope to read more of your poems in the future!
Happy Writing!

(Banner by @alliyah)

Hi again! This is Orabella here with an (unfortunately) short review.

Does everything you write turn out amazing? Because thus far, it seems like it has.

I just gotta say, I absolutely adore this ending. I'm not even joking. With tons of poems, you can skip to the end and they'll be really impactful or at the very least interesting. For those, you don't need the context of the rest of the poem.

For this, you do. I love how that fact is woven so flawlessly in. That he (I assume he; correct me if I'm wrong) doesn't have any friends. I can't even tell you how amazing and smart this is it's just so incredible I have no words aldjaodfjoa fald ad.

And even from this short snippet we get to see a character; one that has a distinct personality and even changes as it moves on to an older version of himself.

I love this more than I can express (or have time to even attempt), but please believe that I love this poem. Thank you so much for writing and sharing, and keep writing!

Greetings Poet,

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye a poem titled “you will only grow cold if you reminisce of the warmth” that deserves a good review.
So without further ado, let’s begin.



Very first of all, your poem evokes a mix of emotions while providing a glimpse into the narrative's world. The poem tells a despondent tale of the narrative who dribbles around the world.
You skillfully portray the complexities of childhood, friendship and the longing for freedom while you take the reader on a journey through the mind of the narrative.

The emotional depth in your poem is remarkable, the narrator's inner feelings, struggles and wishes are "shown" through the narrator's "dialogues".
The poem cleverly tricks the reader with the mention of a best friend, only to reveal that there has never been a best friend. This twist adds depth to the character and hints at the complexities of their relationships.

Despite its brevity, your poem paints a vivid picture of the world through the eyes of the narrator. With its cracked streets and the towering basketball players, the imagery is making it easy to visualise the setting.

All in all, your poem tells a touching story that captures the core of growing up and longing for freedom. Its emotional depth and character development are its strong points, while improved structure and more vivid language could elevate it even further.

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

Yours in Puzzling Shadows,
Rose