The town of Maple Shire was a small and quaint village located only a few hours away from Flynn and Vance’s mercenary fort. The village, like many other villagers across the realm engaged in farming activities to sustain itself and its community. Emma’s fear that Zander’s safety would be placed jeopardy if he travelled away from the safety of the Mercenary Fort proved to be unfounded as the two arrived at the small and quaint farming village without incident. It was apparent to Zander that Malverys influence has yet to be fully established in these lands. Not yet any ways.
Although the two had entered the village inconspicuously, trying to draw as little attention to themselves if possible, news of Zander’s survival spread like wild fire through the village, and soon enough, he was surrounded by every men, women, and child in the village. Many of the villagers were shocked to see that the crown prince was still alive after being told he was killed. The young crown prince could see how annoyed Emma was in trying to put some distance between himself and the growing number of people that had come to see him. Being surrounded by almost every villager of Maple Shire made Zander uncomfortable. He could feel his heart beating faster than ever and that his palms were starting to sweat. He also could feel a lump starting to form in his throat. But Zander knew he had to push through this anxiety. He knew that he had to use this opportunity to try and drum up support. Zander prayed that the Goddess would bless him and his words, and that the people would listen to him and support him against Malverys.
The villagers listened intently as Zander began to address them. Many villager expressed their support for Zander in fighting against Malverys and to retake the throne of Britarion, but none were willing to actually join him and take up arms to fight against Malverys’ forces. Zander didn’t blame them, however. He knew that most of them were farmers who have never even seen combat before, and it would be irresponsible for him as a leader to ask them to fight against a highly trained force. It would be suicide for them.
“I thought there would be some who would be willing to fight,” sighed Zander, as the crowd started to disperse, returning to their duties and lives.
“It’s easy for people to voice support for a certain ideal when they don’t have to sacrifice for it,” began Emma. “But when the time comes to actually commit and sacrifice for that very ideal they support, very few actually do.”
“How I wish you were wrong, Emma,” uttered Zander, dejectedly.
“Don’t give up yet,” said Emma, trying to comfort Zander. “Maybe we’ll have more luck at the Adventurer’s Guild.”
“I hope you’re right Emma, I hope you are.”
The Adventurer’s Guild was an association which gave out quest and missions of varying degree of difficulties to adventurers. It was also a place where people could hire adventurers for a mission or task they had..Many villages, towns, and cities across the realm had a guild hall that belonged to the Adventurer’s Guild, regardless of the size of the settlement. The guild hall in Maple Shire was located next to the village’s tavern. There was nothing remotely spectacular about the guild hall as it was only a simple double story building made of stone.
As Zander and Emma walked up the stairs that led to the entrance of the guild hall, the young crown prince prayed that there will be adventurers who would be willing to join him. Zander’s hopes were all but dashed as soon as he and Emma stepped into the guild hall. There was not a single adventurer in sight. The only person in the hall was a medium built middle -aged man with short and neat greying hair who sat behind a long desk located at left-side of the hall. The middle-aged man wore a short-sleeved tunic which was light brown in colour. Zander and Emma walked over to the man who had gotten up from his seat to greet the two.
“Your Highness, it’s truly wonderful to know that you are alive and well,” greeted the middle-aged man with a gruff voice. He bowed in respect to the crown prince. He, like many other villagers, had heard the news that Zander was in fact alive and not dead as Malverys had said. “What brings you to our humble little guild hall?”
“I’m here to try and recruit some adventurers who would be willing to join me in fighting against Malverys’ approaching forces,” informed Zander.
“I see,” remarked the middle-aged man, stroking the stubble on his chin.
“Do you have any adventurers here by the way?” asked Emma, scanning the empty hall.
“We do,” replied the middle-aged man, nodding his head. “But most of the adventurers we have here are just amateurs or have just started their careers as adventurers. They’re no career adventurers like those found in large towns or cities. Shall I assemble them anyways?”
“Yes please,” replied Zander, nodding his head. “But only the ones you think are good enough.”
The middle-aged man nodded his head curtly. “Elisabeth!” shouted the man, his voice echoing throughout the hall. “Get down here! I need your help!”
There was a moment’s silence before a reply came. “Coming, father!” yelled a feminine voice that came from the second floor. Soon, a young girl with long dark brown hair who wore a plain and simple blue coloured dress came down from the second floor. Zander upon seeing her reckoned that she was probably around the same age he was. Like her father, the young girl bowed in respect to Zander upon seeing him.
“Elisabeth, go fetch Milo, Milla, Nkosi, and Daisy,” instructed the middle aged man to his daughter.
“Right away, father,” acknowledged Elisabeth with a smile before leaving the guild hall.
“Only four?” queried Emma, arching her brow.
“Yeah,” replied the man, rubbing the back of his head. “Those four are the only ones who have actually seen combat before and know how to use an actual weapon.”
“It doesn’t matter,” began Zander, shaking his head. “I rather have four amateur adventurers who have seen combat before and knows how to use an actual weapon than a whole platoon of farmers who have not seen battle or even know how to wield a sword.”
“Wise words, Your Highness,” remarked the middle-aged man.
After a few minutes had passed, Elisabeth returned with two male adventurers and two female adventurers in tow. The four adventurers that Elisabeth had brought with her were young. Zander reckoned that they were either the same age as he was, or maybe a few years older than he was. After exchanging pleasantries, Zander began to tell the four young adventurers why he needed their help. They listened intently to the young crown prince, never once interrupting him. The young crown prince prayed to the Goddess that the four would join him and Emma in fighting against Malverys.
“So will you join me?” asked Zander, looking at all four adventurers one at a time.
“I will join you, Your Highness,” replied a male adventurer who had dark skin and black hair that was cut short and neat. The young dark skinned man wore a set of leather armour that was weathered and worn out. He also had attached to his belt two large trench knives. Knives which he probably used in battle thought Zander as he studied his newest recruit. The young man also had around his neck a silver panther head amulet. Zander recognised the amulet he wore around his neck. It was an amulet which came from the distance land of Waryanda, a land across the eastern sea.
“I’ll join you as well,” declared a female adventurer who had a bubbly disposition. She had long curly chestnut coloured hair and wore a light brown coloured tunic. The young lady also wore a light blue in coloured beret on her head and light blue in colour scarf around her neck.
“Milla, are you sure?” asked a male adventurer with short and curly chestnut coloured hair. The young man wore a light brown in coloured tunic and had a maroon coloured scarf draped around his neck. If Zander didn’t know any better, he and Milla were related to one another.
“I’m sure, Milo,” replied Milla adamantly, nodding her head. “I want to be part of something bigger, something worthwhile.”
“This is not our run of the mill hunting mission or escort mission, Milla,” began Milo, shaking his head. “This is war. We’re not trained for this. Not in the slightest bit.”
“Your brother is right, Milla,” chimed in the other female adventurer. She had shoulder length black hair and wore a sleeveless grey coloured tunic which was matched with a pair of black long pants. The young lady also carried with her a wooden bo staff.
“I know he is, Daisy,” responded Milla, looking at Daisy. “But that won’t stop me from joining His Highness. I believe in the cause he is fighting for.”
Milo let out a loud sigh. “If you’re joining Prince Zander’s quest, Milla, I’ll join as well.”
Milla let out a shout of joy that reverberated throughout the guild hall before hugging her brother tightly, much to his annoyance as Zander observed.
“She’s really strong willed,” whispered Emma into Zander’s ear.
“She is indeed,” agreed Zander, nodding his head.
“Hey, Your Highness,” began Daisy, looking at Zander. “Count me in as well. It’ll be good to put all my bo staff training to good use.”
“Glad you’re joining us, Daisy,” said the dark skinned young man, smiling.
“Well, Nkosi, someone has to take care of you guys,” teased Daisy with a smile on her freckled face, looking at the dark skinned young man.
“Thank you all for your willingness to join me,” began Zander, looking at the four. “I cannot offer you anything of worth at the moment, but I promise that each one of you will be rewarded accordingly when we finally overthrow Malverys. You have my word as Crown Prince of Britarion.”
“I am not joining you for gold, Your Highness,” stated Nkosi. “I am joining you because I believe your cause to be just.”
“I’m not joining for gold either,” added Milla. “And neither is my brother, right?”
Milo nodded his head, agreeing with her sister’s comment.
“Neither am I joining for gold,” admitted Daisy as well.
Zander felt a wave of gratefulness wash over him at that very moment. The young crown prince thanked the Goddess for bringing these four adventurers to him. He prayed that She will continue to bring him more people who were willing to stand with him.
“You know what,” began the middle-aged man who greeted Zander and Emma when they first entered the guild hall. “I’m going to join you as well, Your Highness.”
“Are you serious, Guild Master Brandon?” asked Milo in disbelief, looking at the smiling middle-aged man.
“Most definitely!” replied Brandon, smiling widely.
“Father, you haven’t fought in ages. You can’t go. You’ll get killed,” pleaded Elisabeth.
“I’ll be fine, Elisabeth. My fighting skills are not as rusty as you think they are,” reasoned Luke with his daughter.
“Your Majesty, you can’t allow my father to fight,” pleaded Elisabeth, looking at Zander with her pleading green eyes.
“Your Highness, you should seriously consider the Guild Master’s offer,” whispered Emma into Zander’s ears. “Only members of the Adventurer’s Guild who have proved themselves to be skilful and powerful adventurers can become a Guild Master. He could become a valuable addition to our forces.”
Zander took a moment to think over his options. Does he act selfishly and agree to let Luke join in the hopes of boosting his forces and risk letting his daughter be orphaned? Or does he disallow Luke from joining, possibly losing a great addition to his forces? It was a difficult decision to make. What would dad do? wondered the young crown prince, closing his eye, tapping his feet.
“Your Highness, what’s your decision?” Luke asked.
“I’m sorry, Master Brandon, but I cannot in good conscience let your join, even though I need your experience badly,” answered Zander, shaking his head.
“As you wish, Your Highness,” said Luke rather dejectedly.
Zander could see the look of disappointment on Luke’s face, but he knew that he made the right decision. He hoped. Elisabeth, elated that Zander had listened to her plea, hugged the young crown prince tightly, much to Emma’s annoyance.
“So what shall we do now, Your Highness?” asked Daisy, folding her arms.
“Report to the Mercenary Fortress west of here once you’re ready to leave,” instructed Zander. “You’ll be given your orders and instructions there.”
The four young adventurers nodded their heads before taking their leave to prepare for their journey to the Mercenary Fort. After thanking Luke and his daughter for their help, Zander and Emma decided to take their leave.
“Why didn’t you accept Guild Master Brandon’s offer?” queried Emma as they walked down the steps of the Guild Hall. “We could have used his help.”
“His addition to our forces would have been beneficial to us,” admitted Zander.
“Then why didn’t you accept his offer?”
“Because I don’t want his daughter to go through what I did.”
“Zander, we’re about to go to war,” began Emma. “There is bound to be people who will lose a son, a daughter, a husband, a wife, a father, a mother. Such is war.”
“I know,” uttered Zander. “But if I can prevent just one person from losing a loved one, I would.”
“Even if it means more people dying?”
Emma’s words struck a chord with Zander. He had never thought of it that way. Does the need of the many overweight the need of the individual? The young crown prince did not have the answer to the question he posed to himself. He wondered how his late father would answer the question he had swirling around in his mind.
Perhaps Felix would have the answer I seek, muttered Zander to himself as he and Emma walked down Maple Shire’ s main street.
Points:
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Look, chapter 8! Figured I'd stop by
His presence there is no secret.
A few thoughts popped into my head while reading. How does someone become an adventurer? Can anyone who aspires to be one try out for it? What is the lifestyle like? The pay?
Also, when Zander was surrounded by the entire village, I felt really worried for him. Surely Malverys's spies and agents will hone right in on him. Maybe they'll destroy the village
I really liked his moral dilemma at the end. I liked how he came to his decision, but then Emma hit a really important note, and now he's doubtful. It's a complex question, and both sides are presented well.
You're going to have to be really careful with the amount of characters you've introduced. I'll have a really hard time keeping track of so many names and personalities. Make sure each is distinct and memorable, and try not to have too many in a scene at once. If it were me, I might not do four adventurers, just because it's so many characters to keep track of. One option would be to have one or two named, memorable characters, and then a handful of unnamed supporters that can bolster the forces but don't get a lot of individual screen time.
The rest of my observations are similar to before. You can trim down a lot on descriptions, especially things like details of clothes, hair, and colors, and you can replace a lot of the dialogue tags with "said," "asked," or no tag at all.
I'll keep an eye out for ch9. Happy writing!
Good afternoon, yizhongt. AnarchyWolf here to review this eighth chapter.
I'll first tell you that I haven't read through the earlier chapters, so some plot points are probably going to confuse me. The following review will be based solely on what I've read in this chapter.
The description here is what stood out to me first. It's clear and clean and give a very sharp image of what's going on, especially of the characters. It's really helpful to know what the characters look like as soon as we meet them. Though the chunks of description are big and a little daunting at first glance, they payed off once I read them and gave vivid pictures of the scenes.
Everything moves well in this chapter. The things that need to have focus have focus, and the things that don't are skimmed over cleanly. A final, unrelated point - I really like the young adventurers. I have a feeling that they'll work very well together and their exchanges will be highly entertaining to read. My favourite thus far is Milo.
Now for the smaller nitpicks:
Spoiler
The village, like many other villages across the realm, engaged
Malverys' influence
every man, woman,
Many villagers expressed their
Which gave out quests and missions
prayed that there would be
middle-aged man
One thing I noticed as I read through was the amount of small mistakes, covered in the nitpick spoiler above, in the first half. I'd really recommend reading through a second or third time before posting it, just to clear up the small mistakes. It's clear that you have a grasp on grammar and spelling - these errors are just small typo-type errors - and the mistakes just make the reading choppier, and make the chapter less polished.
Another thing was the amount of names introduced in this chapter, along with the descriptions they go with. As I said above, it's really great to have character descriptions, and you've written them really well, but the amount of names introduced to the reader borders on confusing in this chapter. Perhaps leave in the descriptions, and gently introduce the characters' names one-by-one in the coming chapters? Or leave a larger gap between name introductions in this chapter to make it clearer.
-AnarchyWolf