Zander awoke from bed the next day feeling surprisingly fresh and well rested. After meeting up with Felix and Emma, the two made their way to the dining hall to have some breakfast and to meet Flynn and Vance. Zander was eager to listen to what Vance and Flynn had to say about the status of the realm, now that he had his concentration back.
On the way to the dining hall, the trio came across many of the mercenary soldiers. All of them, or most of them, greeted the crown prince warmly and with respect. Zander had never imagined that mercenaries, men and women who fought for a living and for the highest bidder, could be so respectful and cordial. I guess these mercenaries are just...different? Are they even mercenaries? mused the young prince as he continued walking down the corridor that led to the dining hall.
The dining hall was a fairly large room that had three long wooden dining tables that was positioned horizontally. Hanging on the ceiling of the hall were three wooden chandeliers which held candles that would be lit up at night and during dark days to illuminate the hall. Greeting Zander, Emma and Felix when they arrived at the dining hall was the same beautiful lady that had served them food and drink the day before. Like the day before, her long black hair was tied into a bun. She led the trio to where Flynn and Vance were sitting. From what Zander could see, the two mercenary leaders had already finished eating their breakfast and they were just sitting down and talking to each other.
After exchanging pleasantries, Zander requested that Flynn and Vance continue with their report on the status of the realm from the night before. The young prince was eager to know more about what was going on in the realm. Flynn and Vance retold the prince what they had already said to him yesterday before updating him further.
“We forgot to mention to you that there is one small noble house that is trying to start a coalition with other houses to try and remove Malverys,” reported Flynn to Zander.
“Which noble house?” asked Zander, curiously.
“House Sanders,” answered Vance.
“How come Malverys has not put it down yet?” queried Emma before taking a sip out of her drink.
“Because House Sanders is but a small house that wields little influence in the realm,” explained Felix to the young Royal Guard.
“Master Felix is right,” remarked Flynn. “House Sanders is too small of a house to be a threat to Malverys’ rule. They have little to no economic or political clout. He’ll just let them rant and rave”
“He still could be an important ally to us though,” expressed Zander to the rest.
“Indeed he can,” agreed Vance, nodding his head before taking a swig out of his large mug.
“What about the Elves, Dwarfs and Orcs?” asked Felix, addressing the question to both Flynn and Vance. “Have they bent the knee to Malverys?”
“None of them have bent the knee, yet,” informed Flynn, answering Felix’ question. “The Elves have all but retreated back into their forest citadel of Khaes’Elrand for safety.”
“And the Dwarfs have barricaded themselves within their cities in the Iron Mountains,” added Vance.
“And the Orcs?” asked Zander.
“Last I heard, they were going up North to avoid Malverys’ forces,” answered Vance.
If we could get their forces all on our side, we just might be able to beat Malverys and his forces to regain the throne, mused Zander, tapping his chin with his finger. The question is, how?
“Why haven’t Malverys laid siege on the Elves’ or the Dwarves’ holdings yet?” asked Emma. “Doesn’t he know how dangerous the Elves and Dwarves are if they manage to mobilise their forces?”
“He does know how dangerous they can become,” began Vance. “But he can’t do anything about it at the moment.”
“Why not?” asked Zander.
“Because the majority of his forces are tied up in making sure the humans submit to his rule first,” answered Flynn. “He does not have enough forces to start two more large campaigns. Campaigns that could prove to be costly.”
The door of the dining hall swung opened, and in entered a mercenary with red hair who walked briskly and with a sense of urgency. He walked immediately towards the table where Zander and the rest were sitting at. The mercenary had in his hand an envelope. I wonder what’s this all about, wondered Zander.
“What is it, Pan?” asked Vance to the red haired mercenary who had walked up to the table.
“We’ve just received a letter from the capital,” began the young man. “It’s addressed to you and Commander Flynn.”
Flynn, getting up from his chair, walked over to Pan to take the letter from him. Flynn opened the envelope and began to read the contents of the letter. His face darkened as he read more of it.
“What’s the news, Flynn?” asked Vance, furrowing his brow.
“Malverys has ordered us to bend the knee to him,” informed Flynn, looking up from the piece of paper. “If we don’t...he’ll wipe us all out.”
“I like to see him try!” scoffed Vance, slamming his fist on the table. “If he wants a fight, we’ll give him one.”
“Normally I would advise caution,” began Flynn. “But in this case, no. We must meet Malverys on the field of battle. He must realise that not everyone will bend the knee to him so easily.”
Vance nodded his head, agreeing with Flynn. Zander was taken aback by how determined Vance and Flynn were to not bend the knee to Malverys. These were men who could have just easily bent the knee to Malverys and continue to serve him. Instead, they were willing to lose everything to fight against him. These mercenaries have more spine than most of the noble houses of the realm, thought Zander to himself. Master Felix was right, these two are men of honour and not your average mercenaries.
“Do you even have enough men to fight against him?” queried Emma. “He has a large army at his disposal. How many men do you have?”
“About four hundred odd men and women,” answered Vance. “I know it’s not a lot, but what we don’t have in numbers, we’ll make up for it with guile.”
“Then again, we should try to recruit more men to bolster our numbers if possible,” mused Flynn aloud, stroking his chin.
“Maybe I can help you with that,” offered Zander, looking at Flynn. “You said that if the people of the realm found out I was alive, that they would rally behind me. We should use that to our advantage, drum up some support to bolster our numbers.”
“That’s not a bad idea actually,” confessed Flynn, stroking his chin.
“Agreed,” chimed Felix.
“I must object to it,” expressed Emma, shaking her head. “It’s far too dangerous for the prince to be walking around at a dangerous time like this. He needs to stay here where it is safe.”
“I will not sit idly by while people sacrifice for me,” declared Zander, adamantly. “I must play my part in standing up against Malverys.”
Emma, seeing the fire of determination in Zander’s eyes, relented.
“Then it’s settled then,” began Flynn. “Vance and I will begin preparing our men for battle. Felix, if you don’t mind, could you assist Vance and I in coming up with a strategy for the upcoming battle?
“Hohoho it will be my pleasure,” said the elderly mage. “It would be good to see whether this old brain is still as sharp as it was.”
Flynn turned to face Zander. “Your Highness, you will head to the nearest town to our location, Maple Shire, to try and gather as many men as possible.”
“You might also want to check out the Maple Shire’s local chapter of the Adventurer’s Guild,” suggested Vance. “There might be some adventurers around worth recruiting.”
Zander nodded his head in understanding, knowing what he had to do. After getting instruction from Flynn and Vance as to how to get to Maple Shire, Zander and Emma prepared themselves for the journey ahead of them. Zander prayed that the Goddess blessed their endeavours and that they will be able to find men willing to join their cause.
A column of soldiers wearing maroon coloured battle armour marched through the plains of the realm of Britarion. Some of them carried red coloured war banners which had the sigil of a chimaera on it. Leading the column of men was a man with short white coloured hair on armoured horseback. He wore a set of black coloured leather armour and a maroon cape. Riding slightly behind him was a women with short auburn hair. She too wore a set of black coloured leather armour and a maroon cape.
“Why are we being sent to deal with a group of mercenaries?” grumbled the women with short auburn coloured hair, looking to the short white coloured hair man. “We should be joining the siege of House Wolfe’s holding in the Northern Lands.”
“Because King Malverys has ordered us to do so,” answered the man with short white coloured hair without emotion.
“They’re just a group of mercenaries,” exclaimed the women. “Why not buy them off and get them on our side?”
“Because these mercenaries are not your average mercenaries, Sonya.”
“Why is that, Clovis?”
“Because they are not beholden to money,” informed Clovis.
“Mercenary that’s not beholden to money?” scoffed Sonya. “That’s a first.”
“Indeed.” began Clovis. “To add to that, they’re loyal to House Tyzan, and until we can find the missing crown prince and eliminate him, all houses or parties that pose a threat need to be forced into submission or eliminated altogether. Less he unite them under a single banner to retake the throne.”
“I hope they put up a fight,” commented Sonya. “It’s been awhile since I got a good fight.”
“You might just get your wish, sister,” replied Clovis.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello!



Thomas here.
This was definitely an enjoyable read. I like the concept of it all. This is the first chapter i have read out of your series so far, so i will be sure to read the rest!
Your characters you have created are believable and real. It certainly makes a difference when they're all talking together.
Megrim (below) seems to have you covered on everything else!
Look forward to reading more!
Happy writing.
Thomas
At first I was like "how did I miss one!" But then I realized it was posted later.
I think the plot so far sounds reasonable. I like Zander's plan to go rally support. A small thing I like is that the Orcs are described as equals to Elves and Dwarves, as opposed to arbitrary evil bad guys. I would love to see the MCs cooperating with orc forces!
REPETITION OF PHRASES - I noticed "bend the knee" in particular was repeated a lot.
MERCENERIES - I wish I understood better why they are so willing to sacrifice. What's their motivation? How can they be mercenaries but not motivated by money? Maybe they should be called something different.
SECOND SCENE - I got very confused by the second scene, especially with the big paragraph describing new characters and what everyone's wearing, and also how the characters are referred to by hair length and color, which kind of muddles things in my brain.
ZANDER GOING OUT - He'll have to be super careful, to avoid getting noticed, followed, reported, or caught. He could lead Malverys right to their safe haven! Or at least spark a militant investigation of surrounding towns! So even though he needs to let people know he's alive, he'll have to be discreet, or Malverys will swoop down on him.
POV CHARACTER THOUGHTS - Looks like Zander is firmly the POVC now. It might be a good idea to try to make it consistent through the other chapters, too. When you're deep in a character's head, then you can start bringing out emotions and perspective rather than simply stating facts. Also, if you put his thoughts in italics, you don't need to add "he mused", "he thought" all the time.
VERBS - Let's talk about verbs some more. That's probably the biggest reason your descriptions don't feel as exciting as they could. Verbs are a lot better at describing things than adjectives are (not something they teach you in school!) and can be our most powerful tool. One good vivid verb can paint a strong picture and save you needing to waste a lot of words on adverbs and adjectives. Certain verbs *always* sound kind of blah and therefore make the sentence blah: looked, caused, walked. "To be" verbs are especially draining (was, were, had, would have, be, being, etc), and if used too often will suck the life right out of a story. Any time you're trying to describe something, look for exciting, vivid verbs.
Cheers, good luck writing!