Sea Green Hate

The cold stone streets filled its cracks with rain. The moon had just come up. The rain was pouring down .The stars shone in the midnight sky. As Mila walked down the streets of London she tried to walk as briskly as possible. The party was bound to be almost full by now. She was headed toward one of the most elite feasts there could be. Being invitation only, she was absolutely sure only the most prestigious people could be there. She had never in her life imagined she, out of all people, would be invited. When she graduated high school she decided to follow her dream. She moved from a small town in Kansas to New York. She did everything she could to get her name out there. She even managed to work on Broadway for a couple of months, but as of the moment she was currently unemployed. So it came as an utter shock to her when she opened her mailbox and found the champagne lined letter that smelled oh so much like lavender. And as she tore it open and stared wide-eyed at the invitation her guesses were confirmed. So without a second thought she bought a plane ticket to London for March 23rd and packed only her best items of clothing.

                           

When she had arrived earlier that day everything seemed like a dream. She went directly to her hotel room not daring to venture out onto the streets. She lavished over the expensive room, and appreciated even the smallest item. After gushing over how marvelous the room was she decided it was time to start getting ready. She took a shower, and lavished herself with only the best vanilla smelling soaps the place could offer. She then proceeded to style her hair and curl it. Her dark brown hair fell into cascades and framed her face. She then applied her makeup and after making sure everything was in place she took her dress out of its bag. It was an antique dress her mother had gotten her. She carefully slipped it on and admired herself on the mirror. The silver dress hung close to her figure. It had a scoop neck and thing straps that gave the impression of an angelical costume. She grabbed a silver brooch and pinned it on the side of her hair and sprayed a bottle of her finest perfume on and walked to the door, invitation in hand.

 

Now she was lost in the middle of London, drenching rain falling around her, which made it almost impossible to walk anywhere where she would be exposed to the rain. As she attempted to locate herself she felt a swift movement behind her. But as she turned around she found more than she had hoped for. She stared at the most grand place she had ever seen and even the rain seemed to stop and silence itself under the presence of this grand place. Under the moonlight you could see even the finest details. It was as tall as the New York Empire building. It looked a little worn but still spectacular. She admired everything from the gold detailing on the rims of the crystallized windows to the way the stone staircase spiraled until landing right in front of her feet. Taking a big breath she stepped onto the staircase and picking up her dress so as not to trip or slip as she made her way up to the building.

 

Once inside she couldn’t believe her eyes. She entered into a huge room with floors so clear they could be crystal and the very door handles seemed to be made of gold. Unconsciously her dress slipped out of her hands and sprawled over the floor. She had only made it two steps inside until she realized she was not alone. A young man approached her, he donned a blue-black velvet tuxedo on and hazel eyes and as he approached her she saw his hand was covered in white butler gloves.

“Your invitation m’am “said his husky voice.

 

She immediately dug into her purse and fished out her invitation. With as much elegance as a small town girl could muster, she handed him the card. A small snake-like grin formed across his face as he read the invitation once, twice, to a moment where she lost count and instead started staring around the room. His eyes bore deeply into hers and said swiftly,

 

“Welcome, Welcome Miss Rivers, your presence has been widely anticipated this evening. If you would only be so kind…” and he pointed to the largest door at the bottom of the corridor near the right. Mila gave a soft smile and burning with anticipation made her way as quickly as possible across the dark corridor. She took a deep breath as she clutched the door handle in her hands and in one swift movement opened the doors.

 

A scene only fit for a movie flashed before her eyes. Colors of all kind were present all around her. Women and Men danced around the room almost as if floating. The music strum from the ceiling, giving the impression the sky was pouring out the music. The walls were draped with the colors of gold and green and the place was as grand as the royal palace. Mila walked around the edges of the dance floor mesmerized by the scene before her eyes. She saw so many people there, government officials, celebrities, beauty queens, even exiled people were there. She felt so out of place here, but this was also the perfect opportunity to finally give herself and her family a better chance at life. Suddenly with a jolt she realized she had bumped into someone. As she looked up wide-eyed her eyes collided with those of a sea green stranger. He looked at her with the most amazing eyes she had ever seen, but at the same time seemed almost dead, as if with no life and no meaning in this world. He extended out his arm her and only then did she fully take him in. He was taller than her and with good posture; he had a caramel skin tone and jet black hair and introduced himself as mister Altair. She took his hand and bowed gracefully and introduced herself.

 

The next hour and a half passed along blissfully. She met hundreds of people who she could not even recall the names of half of them. Mister Altair seemed to know everyone in this place. He himself also seemed quite peculiar. Despite the fact they had met half the people in this room and danced quiet a while they also find time to sit down and talk every once in a while. She couldn’t help but feel drawn to him in a way, almost non-human. Every time he looked at her in the eyes she couldn’t help but wince and look away. There was something there that just didn’t feel right. As the night passed along the party only seemed to get fuller and louder and more crowded. It seemed as if all of London had decided to attend this event. Surprisingly she had also become quite friends with a young girl who bore a resemblance to her sister. She had golden locks that went down to the small of her back and light blue eyes and moved as gracefully as a swan. Mila couldn’t really help herself and envy the young girl whose name was Cindy. It was obvious she was from money and had been given a right education and she couldn’t look more at home at this ball. They had sat down and talked about almost anything they could find from the weather, to how they each ended up at this closed event and they’re aspirations for life.

As the night crept on Mila found herself more exhausted than ever. She was sure it would be dawn soon and couldn’t even move a muscle from the soreness she had. She had decided to just wait it out and sit on one of the chairs in a nearby table while she found something more entertaining to do. In the time she had barely even seen Altair and Cindy had danced here and there and walked and drank and done almost everything with an unassailable energy that Mila admired. Not only did she look like the person that was most tired in here, but she was surprised nobody else had even mentioned the possibility of calling it a night. She found solace in checking the job listings back in New York and hoping that now she could have more contacts with all the people she had met and therefore a better chance at finding a job. She leaned her head against her hand as she watched the dancers float away in the ball-room as the music droned on….

 

Mila rose from her chair and in the process almost knocked down the table. She couldn’t believe it she was so stupid. She had fallen asleep at the only important event her entire life had had. But as she got up and heard a female scream a fact donned upon her. Why had she woken up. As she walked closer to the group of people around the corner of the room she remembered the bang and jolt she had heard as she woke up. Jogging now she discarded her heels and walked over to the scene wanting to be the first to know what had happened. It was hard, as many people were scrambling to get through but an unmistakable sound as a sob emitted from the center.

 

“Cinds…Cinds wake up…”

 

And she recognized what could only be Cindy’s older brother as standing over her and cradling her blood stained body. Mila gasped as what looked as obviously a gun shot wound in the middle of Cindy’s pale pink dress gave the elusion of only a slight hole and how Cindy’s beautiful golden hair was matted down by the pool of blood she was lying in. She couldn’t handle this. Not this again. She searched around for Altair but he was absolutely nowhere to be found, so she decided to take matters into her own hands.She got up and started briskly walking away from the scene needing air immediately. She had to get out of there no matter at what cost. And as she shoved a couple of people going in the opposite direction as her as she was trying to get her purse she had the sudden urge to look sideways through the glass walls and outside into the night sky where you could see the sun already rising. A horrible feeling in her stomach lurched as she saw a jet black raven perched on the stand of the window which looked back at Cindy with the most horrible sea green eyes she had ever seen.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Hi xxRoseMoonxx,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

We have another really strong and mysterious story here, which feels as if we have an excerpt from a longer novel in front of us. In itself, that works very well for the narrative style you're leading here. I definitely like that - also in the previous short story of yours.

But I also think that you could try to show a bit more than naming it directly, because otherwise the story reads very "straight" and it seems to me that the story lacks the necessary "mystery". Because I think it hurt the story a little bit because you were so open and direct.

Instead of saying what you're showing, you should be describing it, which also gives the whole story more depth and atmosphere. It also has a much more positive effect on the story. But I also think that you have shown really well that you can create something tangible and palpable with your ideas that can draw the reader in a bit.

One think I noticed while reading:

The cold stone streets filled its cracks with rain. The moon had just come up. The rain was pouring down. The stars shone in the midnight sky.


The start of the story in particular suffers a little from these stumbles, these short sentences that you insert. It feels like it's a poem when you look at these alone, but in general I think the start doesn't fit in so great with the rest of the section and think it helps a little to rewrite these to give unity with the rest of the story.

In summary, a great short story with a lot of impact and a good climax.


Have fun writing!

Mailice

Heyy!! Forever here with a review.

PLOT
First of all, I like how you used the green colour to indicate both feelings, affection and hatred, best and the worst. There seems to be an inner meaning but I can't really decipher it... It seems like eyes can lie. Not a good conclusion and total opposite of the typical one. Also does it somehow show that appearances can be deceptive at times? First of all, she was attracted towards him for the green eyes and then she was repelled from him for the same green eyes. Another one can be the case. Situations influence the way a person sees.

Secondly, I wonder about why the party was actually arranged and also how Mila got the invitation. The latter seems to be the most unclear. Please provide a description of that about how Mila got it and also the relation between her and the others in the party. And also, provide details on why it was arranged and who the organizer actually was. If the organizer can be that green-eyed man, that makes a lot of sense and can conclude that he arranged it to kill the person. Otherwise if it's arranged by anyone else, you have to give hints on the relation between this man and the oeganizer. Also, the goal behind the murder. There should be a goal. This Cindy seems to be very rich. So, it can be a thing that she was killed by a business competitor or something like that. You have got to fix the plot holes and expand the story. At the moment, there are a lot of vague things which should be cleared out.

CHARACTERS
Mila doesn't seem to be a bad person. She seems to be quite a good one. From what I can infer, she does have morla values because although she envied Cindy, she instantly hated the person who tried to kill her. Also, she seems to be a bit social and focused on her appearances and also attracted by appearances. She is not flawless, which I quite like. Talking about Mr. Altair, he is Definitely the villain in here and you have got to give the reason behind it. No one can become the hero or villain without a reason. Cindy. We don't know much about her. You should just elaborate a bit on these two characters as they are quite important in the story.

Overall, this was quite good just needs a bit of polishing.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever



Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
— Ann Landers