Us
Is it really always going to be me and you?
Like you always say so is it really us forever or us for now and maybe never?
I ask my self these questions everyday, but never
To find the answer to either one...
Now I think is there ever an answer or is there only destiny?
You have my heart and you always will but the question is r u
Going to keep it without ever breaking it?
Kind of like a game isn’t it a game that you can never
Win neither loose...This game is never ending and only meant for two
People me and you. Sometimes we get new players who stay and
Help us and some who tear us apart and
Sometimes ones who come and go but the only two
Who can never leave this game for life is me and you.
Yes I love you and I really do wish I could show you this but
You never seem to care or have time to listen so
Why do I sit here thinking one day maybe you’ll
Come back to me and stay with me and we’ll be
Happy...Snapping out of reality I realized it’s
Never going to happen me and you are just never
Meant to be and are never going to be so it leaves me and you with
Two last words to say…GOOD BYE
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Canary word: Present
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,394 Reviews
Hi there!
I really like this poem but the only thing I find wrong with it is that it is too packed together. If you separated it into even just 2 or 3 stanzas it would flow better.
other than that little thing I think this is very good.
Well Done!
Keep writing!!
Soul_Destroyer
x
Hey, Juggualette! Welcome to YWS!
Er. Your poem...is very wierd. Quite. You talk about love, etc. etc...but then you say it isn't meant to be. ^^ I agree with Snoink.
This seems more like cramming sentences into a poetic form, but it's nice still. Also...Chat speak. Argh. "R u..." should be, in writers' language, "are you". Considering we don't use chatspeak here, it might be best to fix that.
But, nice work.
Tata.
-Mizz
Hey Juggalette! Welcome to YWS!
Your poem is a little bit strange! You talk about love and the other abstracts, then you say it isn't meant to be. And I wasn't quite sure whether this abstract love you were talking about was real... it didn't seem like it!
So I think it might be cool if you make the poem more real by putting your actual experiences in it. That way, it'll also connect us more to the poem... and that's what you want to do.
Good luck! And remember... you're better han chat speech!
I think it was really good . But you need to add some words in places and other places you don't need some of the words. It was reall good and i especailly like the ending .
Welcome to YWS!
I'm Ben, nice to meet you.
I enjoyed the difference of this poem, but you need to avoid ALL chatpeak and punctuate a lot better.
Vary sentence length and structure better for more reviews.
Also give us some effect/impact.
I think you haven't quite created "poetry" here...
Keep writing though,
Ben