I sat at my piano, looking through the rain stained window watching my best friend drive into my families driveway. His black BMW came to a slow halt, then I saw him reach into the backseat for something I couldn’t make out. As he got out of the car with his brown Carhartt jacket, and his usual ripped up jeans, my heart fluttered around in my chest and little butterflies began to fly around in my stomach. I love the feelings of love.
He carefully avoided the puddle pooling at the base of the stairs leading to our porch, then rang the doorbell. That finally snapped me out of my daze. I walked over to the door, feeling self-conscious in my pj’s and slippers.
When our eyes met, I wanted fall into his arms and stay like that forever. I cringed when the thought of my dull, hazel eyes against his ocean, blue ones. How did I get so lucky to find him?
“Hello, Emma.” He said, as he leaned in to give me a quick peck on the cheek. Did he feel the fire that ignited as soon as our skin touched?
“Hey, Logan!” I tried to keep my voice calm, but it never worked. Logan gave a soft chuckle that ran through my ears like church bells. “Come in, you're getting soaked.”
“I’m not sugar, I won’t melt.” He joked, grinning over at me as he wiped his feet on the mat.
“I don’t want to take any chances.”
“What’s life without taking any risks?”
I stayed silent. He was always pushing the limits a little too far according to me. I noticed his book bag swung over his shoulder.
“Oh, right,” I began. I had completely forgotten that we were suppose to be studying tonight. “We're studying tonight.”
“Mr. Garner gave us loads of chemistry this week.” He and I walked into the living room where my Dad sat reading the newspaper.
“Hello, kids.” Dad said. He folded up his newspaper and walked over to Logan. They shook hands, and I remembered mine and Logan’s conversation from last night. He had said that he always makes sure to give a ‘good and strong man shake’ to my father. My lips pulled up into a soft smile.
“How are you doing, Mr. Miller?” Logan asked, always being exceedingly polite to my parents.
“Just fine. You?”
“Living life to the fullest.”
“Well, I’ll let you get to your studying. I'm going to the store to grab some things for supper since Mom's out of town. You two be good.” At that, Dad left the room.
Logan and I stayed silent for a few moments as we got out our books. Surely we’re not really studying? Our definition of studying, was having conversations using stick people, and sneaking a kiss when my parents weren‘t looking.
“Shall we?” He asked, as he held up his chemistry book like he was advertising for a Coke commercial.
“If I must.” I said, then nudged his shoulder. I can’t study with him! I can barely keep my mind in check for civilized conversations with him around!
“You must. Now, what’s Dalton’s atomic theory?” He asked, changing his voice to sound like our chemistry teacher.
“Logan, you must be kidding me. I can‘t concentrate with you like that.” I knew he could tell what I was going to say before I said it, because he had begun to laugh as soon as I turned to face him.
“Until your Dad leaves, little lady,” he whispered. “Now, what’s Dalton’s atomic the-” The back door shut and Logan and I sat motionless waiting for the garage door to shut. As soon as we were sure he was gone, Logan wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me down onto the couch like he was going to literally bite my head off. Our lips weren’t touching, to my dismay, because Logan was just being Logan. Playing around.
“Let go, Logan!” I laughed. In this moment, with Logan playfully ‘wrestling’ and spreading his happiness like a contagious virus, I knew my life couldn’t get any better.
“Okay, okay.” He said, then bounced up off the couch. “Go get dressed.”
“Why?” I immediately felt ashamed for not staying in my school uniform. “I didn’t think you would mind. . .”
“Oh, Emma! I meant, get dressed because we are going to town.” He laughed, then picked up my pencil. He drew a little stick figure wearing pj’s with another stick figure beside the other one with hearts all around his face.
“Is that suppose to mean that you love my pj’s?”
“It’s means I love you no matter what your wearing. If you want to go to town in your pj’s, that is perfectly fine with me.” Suddenly, he slid his arms around me, picking me up.
“Put me down!” I wish I could be as lighthearted as him. He put me back down on the couch.
“Let’s go.” He started walking for the door.
“We are not going anywhere.” I wrapped my arms around my legs. I am staying put.
“Come on, Emma. Live a little.”
“I don’t want to get caught. Because you know what would happen then? I wouldn’t get to see you.”
“You won’t get caught.” He grabbed my arms, strong enough to unwrap me, but gently enough not to hurt me. He placed his hands on either side of my face. “Please, for me?”
I rested my head between his neck and shoulder, closing my eyes. I listened to the steady beat of his heart, took in the soothing smell of his clothes, and felt his warm breath trickle down my neck.
“No, Logan.”
A deep groan escaped from his throat.
“You knew I was going to say that.”
“No, I didn’t. I thought I was going to be able to woo you.” He turned so he could look into my eyes. “I would really like to kiss you right now.” He whispered. I smiled, eager to invite his soft lips to mine.
*****
I sat on my old, cloth couch, tears streaming down my face. How could you have let this happen, Emma? What were you thinking?
“I am very disappointed in you. I can’t believe you would go against my orders! I trusted you, now you have proved to me that you don’t deserve that responsibility.” Dad said, his voice monotone. Him being disappointed is worse than having him mad. Why did you listen to Logan?
“You must have consequences. Sneaking out is not permitted in this house, young lady, and you know it.” He paced the living room, tapping his chin with his index finger deep in thought.
“You can only see Logan on Friday afternoons from now on. Three to five.”
“What? Dad, no way! You can’t do that! Please, at least three times a week?” Not seeing Logan everyday made my heart feel like it was being torn out of my chest little by little.
“No compromising. You made a foolish decision, now you have to pay for it.”
Suddenly, I jolted up in my bed, sweating. It was just a dream. I steadied my breath, then layed back down. Tap. Tap. Tap. Someone was throwing pebbles at my widow. How classic, Logan. I struggled to open my rusty window, but once I did, I wasn’t disappointed to find out that it was Logan.
“Hey beautiful!” He shouted, holding up a single red rose. My heart once again fluttered around in my chest, and I suddenly had more energy than I usually do when I first wake up.
“Logan! It's beautiful! Thank you.”
“Your welcome. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He dropped his arm, and let the rose hang upside down behind him.
“I never stop thinking about you either. But enough being melodramatic. What is it?”
“I thought maybe you had changed your mind and would like to come with me now.”
“No, Logan.” I am not getting into trouble because of you. It’s for our own good.
“Emma, please! Live-”
“Do not say, ‘Live a little.’” I began to shut the window, even though I hopelessly longed to run out the front door, hop into his car, and drive away. But that’s what-"
“People in love do these kind of things, Emma.”
I stood there, with the window half shut, debating what to do. I shut the window and rushed around my room for some decent clothes. I ran a brush through my golden, blonde hair, then quietly snuck downstairs. As I turned around from shutting the door, I walked right into Logan.
“How did you know I was coming?” I asked, letting him take my hand as we walked to his car.
“I guess I'm as good at wooing as I thought I was.” He squeezed my hand, and when he saw the expression on my face, he burst out into his contagious laugh.
“So, where are we going?” I asked, as he started the car.
“Have you been practicing piano?” I grimaced. I hate it when he answers questions with questions.
“Of course, That’s what keeps me busy when your gone.” I answered truthfully.
“Good.”
We drove in silence for a few moments. I knew he wasn’t going to tell me where we were going, so I decided to figure it out myself. I live in this town too, you know. As happy as I am to be going somewhere with Logan, I am as equally scared of being caught. Please don’t let Dad wake up. Please don’t let Dad wake up. I looked at Logan every few minutes, but he was happily humming his favorite Muse song, completely oblivious to my terror of being caught.
“Here we are!” Logan announced, pulling the keys out of the ignition, then running around the front of the car to open my door.
“What is this place?” I asked. Squinting in the dark, it seemed to be an old café.
“My parents just bought it. We're opening an Italian restaurant,” he said matter-of-fact.
“Wonderful, Logan!”
“This isn’t what I wanted to show you. There’s something inside,” he said, leaving me hanging on every word he said. I held his hand tightly as he lead his way through the completely dark café. When he turned on the lights, being caught would be worth it.
End of chapter
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Thank you guys so much for reviewing. I definitely do need to go back and fix the grammar parts. I just wrote this story down quickly one night. And, by the way Logan, I read your name and thought it fit perfectly for this character. So thanks!
Aw this is so cute!! I loved it so much. I wasn't paying enough attention to the grammar to help you out on that, it was just way too good! You dissapointed me when it finished, i wanted to know the surprise! Please finsh this and let me know when you do please!! *Begging*
Loved it!
Edits are in bold.
Okay, I have a few pointers now....
First, contractions. Sometimes to make a sentence have emphasis, it's good not to have them. But, let's say you and your friend were studying tonight. Would you say "We are studying tonight" like Emma did or "We're studying tonight"? Which one sounds better for a casual conversation?
Second, the words "your" and "you're". Learn the difference. "Your" is possessive, as in some one's something-or-other. "You're" is a contraction of the two words "you are".
Third, you may have noticed my few corrections with your dialogue. The whole "comma, not a period" thing. This is because if you can end a dialogue with a period, unless after the quotation you say something besides phrases like "he said" or "he murmured", the sentence is not finished. The sentence they say may be finished, but not the entire sentence. You use a comma because it's an interruption. (I don't know if I missed any of these, so scan through it to correct the ones I missed.)
Lastly, at the beginning you say "my best friend". Isn't Logan her boyfriend?
Besides the minor grammar and punctuation errors, it's alright.
PM me if you have any questions:).
'moms' needs to be 'Mom's' I believe. Or, just put, 'Mom is'
It either needs to be one period or three. An ellipses is three, not two. I used to do two all the time until someone told me it was incorrect.
You forgot to end with a quotation mark!
Awesome story, when I first read it I was like, "Ugh, not another love story," but once I got to read it the people actually had personalities. I love how you described them and how you put the girl's thoughts in it. And YAY! I'm in it!
Haha, well, nice story, well written. PM me when you write the second part!
PS: *gold stars*
Logan xLogan's xTravagant Reviews.
Hiya, Kate!
This is an excellent piece, I must say! You had my attention throughout the entire thing. It was extremely cute and one of those romances that makes the reader aww. ;D
First thing I want to mention is: How did Logan get outside? Weren't they inside 'studying'? I don't remember Logan actually leaving the house. Emma only said she wouldn't leave, so I figured they would just stay at her house.
Also, I think you moved a bit too quickly from the studying to the kissing. I think it'd be pretty cool if you fooled the reader into thinking they were actually studying (and thus fooling Emma as well). What we have now seems a bit too fast, jumping right into the part you wanted to right. ;D
There was some mistakes in the grammar. At one point, there was a mistake in dialogue punctuation. Snoink wrote an excellent article in the KB here. Perhaps it can help some!
Additionally, I think a bit more description in the setting is in order. People have already mentioned the characters. I was fine with the characters (more wouldn't hurt), but I was a bit lost in navigating the house and where they were and such. Perhaps spend some time there.
And finally, as a final touch to this piece, I think you should mention the piano once or twice. I wouldn't make it a topic of conversation though. Don't make the piano stand out to the reader but rather a piece of the background that's continually mentioned or maybe there's a picture of Emma at a piano recital nearby. Just little things that foreshadow the ending. I think that would be an awesome touch.
That's all I have to suggest. I was very pleased with this piece though, and I can't wait to see you edit it! Perhaps I should move on to the next chapter. ;D
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Wow! this is absolutely wonderful. You could add a few more details about hteir personalities and what they look like, but other than that, wonderful. Nice spacing. A lot easier to read if you ask me
Hey guys! Thanks so much to the both of you for commenting. I wasn't sure what other people would think. I am glad that you guys liked it! I really enjoy writing this story, and will hopefully post more tonight! Also, I will make sure to explain what the characters look like in greater depth in the next chapter.
Keep writing!
Kate
Kate! This is the cheesy story you were talking about! Appalling! This is a beautifully written piece. Like purplepastel I would like to have more description of the people.
Are you going to continue this?!
i loved that! your characters feelings are described very well. I would,however,like to know what they look like.
Overall it was a great romance. You will be posting further chapters wont you???
i wish my fiance was as romantic as Logan! lol ah, but i love him so much anyways