Jealousy

Hey,

Those big words in the middle of the poem are very distracting! Provided that the rest of the poem doesn't take on any intricate structure performances with size or form, those just look like a roadblock that my eyes can't stay away from, and emphasizes a part for reasons I'm not sure about. I think it'll be better if you kept it even.

Anyway, I think that your usage of rhyme here is holding you back from what you can really be saying. Your theme -- to pu it bluntly -- is very common, overused, even. For topics as common as this, I feel that you should make a stronger effort to highlight an aspect of it that we usually wouldn't dwell on, or tell this to us in a new way, perhaps in language different from that of conversational English. And that's not saying to go off into flowery words, but! What I am saying is that this, as it is, is rather boring, and there's nothing captivating about it that makes me want to keep reading, dear. I think it could stand a revision, because the rhyme is forcing you to add unnecessary things to this and that's harming way more than it's helping.

Best of luck,
June

Hey wishonafallingpetal!

I loved this poem. Perfect. Absolutely amazing. After I had finished the last line, all I could say was "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I had to agree with everything you were saying. The rhyming was adequate but was forced at certain points. It was really full of meaning and simple amazing. I loved every second reading this poem. It was perfectly written and flowed excellently. I loved this poem. Keep up the good work!

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)

Hey there!

When that feeling tries to come, I beg you to push it awayOr else it will eat at you day after dayYou’ll yell and you’ll cry, making a place for it to stayBut if you stop it now, it will turn the other way

Hello there Wish!

First of all, I must thank you for the good read. This is quite exceptional that interest me to read the first word until the very last one. Your rhyming schemes are okay but I feel like a part of it are kind of forced. Forced, like you just have to put a random words which you think would rhyme with the last word of the line before it.

Or else it will eat at you day after day

You’ll yell and you’ll cry, making a place for it to stay

But if you stop it now, it will turn the other way

Marriages that ended because one talked to another
Here are the girlfriends who went mad trying to find “her”
And boyfriends with broken hearts because they felt it was unsure

Welcome to The End, your suspicion ruined your love

Hello wishonafallingpetal! iceprincess here for a review!

Your poem is very meaningful! There would be more happy endings in this world if people tried to suppress their jealousy --- but I'm rambling here.

Anyways, I thought this poem flowed really well, except for the last two sentences in this part:

There are couples who were broken by suspecting a secret lover
Marriages that ended because one talked to another
Here are the girlfriends who went mad trying to find “her”
And boyfriends with broken hearts because they felt it was unsure