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140,610 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
I thought you did a great job of showing what love is like in real life. I enjoy how the font colors match the gender but also dislike that due to the fact of color/gender stereotypes. I really liked this part;
I liked this part because I can relate to her feelings.
It lacks commas in some places but overall is a great poem.
Hiya Wish.
I read this and said "Aww." This is really cute and I like it. The thing about review Sunday is when you go to review, it turns out that someone has already said what you were going to say. But still very nice and I hope to see more of your writing.
~Ladypurple.
Hey wish,
The colours are actually not too bad an idea, it's one of the few times I've seen formatting on this site come across well. Unfortunately the actual poem doesn't stand up to this creativity, it's pretty stale and boring, to be honest. They both love each other, great. Where's the tension? What do you want to say? Where's your originality?
Stories of teenage love are so overused that even your creative formatting can't save this, I'm sorry to say.
Hey there!
I loved the poem - how cimple and direct it is.
Cute lines. However, you only told us the pain of the boy. you did tell us about the girl's feeling each time she sees him, but how do we know that she's in pain too?
That's just it.
But other than that, wonderful poem. XD
Hey there, June here,
I'm not too sure if I like this poem or not. I think that you might be able to go places with it if you rework some parts of it, but I found this a bit cliche and not very poetic.
I think that you should focus on structure here. Your idea is something that you can work with easily, with so many words that can better suit a structure than you're using here, dear. Vary up your words, and make this tale of best friends who love each other far more unique than all of the other similar stories out there. I know you can.
Try to tell us this story in a new way; give us details to support this, because right now, it's another average love story about hearts that can't unite, and the only way we'll care is if you make it original for us.
June
Oops! I forgot one last thing I was gonna address!
Your title isn't compelling, it's very ordinary. I think you should rename it to something that will attract more people to read it!
Hey wishonafallingpetal!
(cute username btw)
Welcome to YWS!! I'm sodapoplunchbox here to review your work
This was a sad, yet adorable poem. Overall it is a good poem, but in my opinion you had a stanza weaker than the rest.
[quoteYou can see the smile in her eye
And the pink in her cheek as she
Looks at that special boy. She loves
Him so much and can always see
That they’re meant to be][/quote]
The beginning is alright, but "Looks at that special boy. She loves/ Him so much" just doesn't sound right to me. The rest of it is fine, but that line is just awkward.
Well that's all I have to say, good luck with your writing!
Oh, and feel free to PM me with any questions (:
Hi there! I'm LPR and I've come to review! Mwaha!
I love the lines:
Wow. I can totally relate to this poem! (Except I finally told him, but that is another story)
and...
But then again, I love the whole poem. I think it could have a bit more feeling to it, but then again, I like it just how it is. Simple and to the point.
Keep on writing!
~LPR