I have a lot of friends
they smile wide and say, "hi!"
when they see me around
They ask me, "how do you feel?"
and when I tell them what's inside my heart
they pat me on the shoulder
and pretend they understand
In my free time
I like to hang out with them
(but all of them are too busy
they wish I'll get along just fine)
When we say goodbye
we look each other in the eye
they smile and wave
despite a tear in my eye
When time comes
my friends turn and they all leave
and never look back
All my friends make me believe
that maybe that's what friends are meant to be
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Very relatable. I love the rhyming and how you described it. It is so true that they pretend to understand, even though they don't know anything about how I feel. They say they miss you even though you know they don't. True friends don't do that. Your writing is amazing and I hope you can continue. Happy Writing!
Heyy, thank you!! sorry for taking so long to reply =D
No problem! Happy to review!
Hello, and a late welcome to YWS!
As Alex said, this poem was very relatable. Yet it's also unique; oftentimes, stories or poems talk about the struggle to make friends, but this poem starts with the narrator already having "friends." The last two lines were the highlight for me. They convey a sense of innocence, but at the same time, you can tell the narrator suspects that something is wrong. It's cynical but also unsure and it just has such a raw, authentic quality to it. Overall, excellent work with this!
This is just a nitpick, but in other cases, you started a new sentence with a capital letter. Was it intentional to have "they" be lowercase, or was it a typo?
The narrator has such a compelling mix of innocence and insight. It might seem naive for them to tell their friends everything based on their friends' later actions, but they're smart enough to tell that their friends aren't being genuine. Perhaps optimistic is a better word than naive.
"pretend they understand" was a phrase that struck me for some reason as well. Does a friend need to understand to offer genuine comfort? I wonder if caring is more important than understanding... Just some ramblings xD
Ouch. That's what they say, but I feel like it's implied that they're too busy specifically for the narrator, not just in general. You do such a good job of causing doubts like this in the reader and subtly showing that these friends aren't genuine.
Hm... I feel like it'd make the false friends theme clearer if the narrator tried to make eye contact but their friends avoided it. Or is that too obvious? It could also show that their friends have no shame in treating them this way... Yeah, I think it works well like this too.
I like the idea here, but "eye" is repeated ("eye" is also used at the end of the previous "we look each other in the eye"). I wonder if there's a different phrase you could use to get the meaning across? This is another nitpick, though ^^'
Again, such good lines. :')
I don't have much to critique besides little things lol. Overall, I think this was a well-executed poem with an incredibly relatable story. <333 Thanks for sharing, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
Hullo there! Thank you for the very helpful feedback <3!
yay glad it was helpful!
Well, isn't this early. Hey, wildflowers. Found your work to be freshly uploaded just as I was closing YWS for the day but this seemed too good to wait for tomorrow morning to read, so here we go.
The title and description instantly pulled me in, great hook. I feel the topic to be quite relatable as a teenager who often struggles in making good friends. I could feel this poem presented my own experience in a painful yet beautiful way.
You speak not of a case where there are no friends, quite the opposite. This poem addresses how you have a lot of them. They greet you when you meet them and ask how you've been doing. But when you really get down to tell them of your struggles, they try to shrug it off and give you a false pretense of knowing what you feel. You hang out with them when free but they're too busy. When you bid them goodbye, they neglect or not notice the tear in your eye and turn to leave you alone, by yourself.
I find it so much more agonizing to read about, how one can feel alone despite having friends. It's not about how many there are, really but who's the real deal. What you speak of sound like fake friends or mere classmates who know each other. I find it really contrasting how the poem continuously addresses them as your friends despite none of their actions suggesting it. They aren't actually interested to hear how've been doing and seem to be asking it of mere obligation. Noone is too busy is to make time for a true friend, yet you never feel seen with them. The goodbye scene hurts to another level. Even a stranger would have the natural instinct to check on a crying person yet your so-called friends abandon you despite seeing you in tears, a numb scene that spoke volumes.
The last lines I found absolutely shattering.
I could feel a hurricane of emotions just awaken inside me as I read it. It's like my heart didn't just break into two, but a million pieces, intense yet absolutely stunning. It speaks of a silent acceptance and lost hope how bad treatment by fake friends can make people blind to the good people and future loving friends waiting out there.
Oddly enough, I liked the simple format of the poetry with bare minimum punctuation and no stanza breaks, which is a first for me. I feel like it contributes to the flow of the poem and symbolises the consistent negligent behaviour of friends that don't prioritize you.
I've got no suggestions or recommendations for now, loved every bit of it thoroughly.
Exquisite work. Hope to read more from you. Consider all of us YWS users your friends, there for you anytime <3
Heyy, thank you so much for the friendly feedback! I also love your review style <3!