Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000180 EndHTML:0000009433 StartFragment:0000002420 EndFragment:0000009397 SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Tristan/Documents/ascensiontothrones.docIn the far off kingdom of Sanlava, the moon rises high above the castle towers under which the king, Huoche Goldbrow, has been poisoned for his throne. Queen Madiea has sent a request to all the towns of Sanlava to offer up three children, between the ages of ten and seventeen, to join in the contest for the throne. The contest will be held at the castle with room and board, it will test mental strength, power, magical prowess, purity of heart, skill and many other qualities needed for the king.
The town of Arcanis had the school of magic in its town square. A large, imposing building made purely of precious metals and jewels. The three children that were to be offered up were to come from there. One of them was the son of the great sorcerer Magpunk his name was Merlin. His sister, Medusa, was to join him in the battle for the throne. The third from the town of Arcanis was a family friend, Vivian. They had all trained in the tower for most of their lives and were happy to find a way to prove their power, and what better way than to show that they could outdo the best children, some even older than them, in a test for the crown.
Deep in the groves of Greenbough, Turan Blackmaw, the son of the great Werewolf, Tolbat Blackmaw, was chosen immediately for the trials for the new king. He was told that he could choose two other children as long as they were from royal blood or the house of a noble. Turan chose two of his childhood friends, Mendy Oldspeak, of the house of mages and his own hand servant, Wood Epiis, Wood’s family was servants and they would normally have the same name as the house they lived in, but when Wood demonstrated his mastery of the blade, he was gifted with the surname of Epiis to show his mastery of the blade, epiis in the old language meant blade.
So on the first day of the Sowing season, the three children in every township headed towards the castle in the center of Sanlava. All across the land chariots, wagons, cars and beasts were traveling to the castle for the first contest.
As the road turned from rough to paved and the roar of cars and the howl of beasts rose, Wood knew that even before he looked out the window of the wagon he was in that they had reached the castle.
The whole town was large, shiny and clean. The storefronts boasted their wares and even the smallest houses were made of marble. The castle stood just behind the town and Wood couldn’t take his eyes off of it. It was larger than the entire town of Greenbough and it’s turreted walls and high towers made Wood dizzy just from looking, and considering that if you were to grow up in the forest, hopping from tree to tree, some hundreds of feet in the air, this surprised him.
Eventually, after being cheered on by the townsfolk, the entire procession of carts, beasts, chariots, cars, and wagons reached tall gates, golden and glowing, and waited. It was not long that the heroes had to wait, once the final transport reached the gates, they swung open wide with a trumpet of fanfare, followed by the anthem of each town. The procession carried the children into the castle grounds.
There was a long cobblestone path that led to the oaken double doors that were as big as the gates, around the pathway was a huge field of grass and gardened patches around the path and walls of the castle. The garden was fresh and teeming with life, there were flowers from all over the nation of Sanlava and some foreign to even the most experienced botanist. The main castle reached high into the sky but did not reach the walls, instead, there were covered halls that led from the castle to the wall and had doors so that one could pass from the front of the grounds to the back. Every fifty feet or so, there was a turret on the wall so as to provide protection, even now, Wood noticed that there were armed guards in every turret.
The path turned into a circle in front of the doors, in the center of the circle was a huge fountain, etched with figures dancing, feasting and having a good time. The water spouted from the mouths of four fish, larger than a horse. Being a servant his entire life, Wood only knew of the harder side of life, and hadn’t seen such clean and pure water before.
The procession stopped in front of the doors and waited until they opened.
Again, by the time the last transport reached the circle, the doors swung open revealing a large, spacious entry hall that looked just as good as the rest of the castle.
The heroes were asked to disembark their transports and walk in. Wood couldn’t help but notice some of the other contestants. The towns they were from were reflected in each of their faces, postures and overall appearance.
From the cliff dwelling town of Manasker, the three who were chosen were all built tall and thick, strong-armed from working in the mines. The group hailing from Shovaham all wore thick and heavy clothes due to the cold weather of the north and the need for protection from the saws they used to chop lumber, their main export. There were many others, to many to mention.
In the entry hall, there was no less than three crystal chandeliers that hung from the distant ceiling, the floor was the color of gold as was the walls, the high, domed ceiling was made of a reflective material so the light thrown by the chandeliers was doubled. On both sides there were many, many doors, there was a long set of marble stairs at the other end of the hall that led up to a second level. By the curve of the wall, it seemed that the next floor curved around the first and the third led into the higher levels of the castle.
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Canary word: Present
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This is just a layot comment, but you might want to double space your paragraphs and get rid of the weird code at the beginning. It makes it less appealing to read.
Now onto the actual review. Whilst it was fairly well written as a reader I was left thinking 'what was the point?' I don't really understand what your story is focusing on because you go off on so many different tangents. That, and this part of it ends so strangely. It was very confusing to read.
If this Wood is your main character make that obvious. Maybe show a bit more about him, don't just use him as the reader's eyes. He needs to be more involved in the story.
Work out exactly what's happening and try and make it clearer to the reader. If it's not clear, it's not very easy to read/review.
Pretty naive but quite well written.