Written from the perspective of Ted Hughes, her husband, after her death.
And Ariel smiled at me
Tooth-marked cheek,
.....oh, so cheeked--
with pushing poles down wet velvet;
There, riverside, was a tree.
A tum-tum tree.
and I, oh me, looked to the
star in your eye, the east, and took
its current to Innisfree.
Left hell behind, with its
tongues stuck
in your jaw, pulling, pulling free.
And Ariel smiled at me.
Where we passed lime hills, that rolled
to meet lime trees.
Never was envy so pretty as then,
when Ariel smiled at me.
I could see through the Bell Jar, glass thick
but fever-warm,
and you stared and stared at me.
And let the pills crawl past your teeth.
Eight-legged and yellow, they laughed as
they twisted the stuck-tongues free.
The river bent up with your mouth, and you
sank, sank past your feet.
Sighed, and were sick, puked
pink lungs, and I
cried, cried, Oh Please.
You begged me to let you sleep.
I pillowed your head on an oven rack,
and you sank to Innisfree. But,
looking back, shook your head;
and with a frown upside-down, you said,
you said, 'You wouldn't know me from Eve.'
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
Cal, you're basically amazing XD.
Aw, Ed, you slay me. Sorry it took so long to review this.
I am going to be horribly unhelpful. Sorry about that.
If you have questions or can't read my writing please tell me so.
Ta,
Cal.
I thought it was nicely done, although i wasn't sure about tum-tum tree... it just brought jabberwocky to mind!!
It was definately it's own poem - the way it reads makes you stop regularly - and i like that!
Really nice. and hey! You've snagged a whole load of comments, so it must be good!
Hmm... this seems great... but I can't make head or tail of it. It seems to abstract, the idea too confusing. I really don't like the type of poem here, it gives me a headache. A lot of this confuses anyone who hasn't read the poem would get confused. It's exellent but overwhelming imagery. I'd really no clue what was going on. Overall. This is just too weird and narrow a topic, since ya need to read something else to fully understand it.
Good luck
VSN
Golly, yes! The something lake at Innisfree. And she died at the house where Yeats had once lived near Chalcot Square or something. Have to hand it to you. I guess tum-tum tree was random though.
I don't really like it. The quirkiness you are going for doesn't seem real. The flow of the poem seems manufactured. It is contrived and confusing. It seems like you don't normally write in this style. A word of advice: don't try to again.
Innisfree is from a Yeats poem, and tum-tum tree is from Lewis Carrol's Jabberwocky.
The whole thing's very ambiguous and ridiculous, I know XD.
Sorry about that.
I don't get it. That all I can say.
This was a wonderful peice, Ted, I mean Ed
Unfortunately I just don't get many of the references as I've never read Plath or Hughes. I only know the story. Gosh, you seemed rather involved in this. Innisfree...Eve....I'll have to read some of this. I think it seems all right. I'm sure I've read tum-tum tree somewhere.......
thanks for all the wonderful feedback!
And Fand, I definitely used some of those changes
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT! its so deep and meaningful...
This is absolutely gorgeous, Ed! I love the imagery here, especially: "The river bent up with your mouth, and you / sank, sank past your feet."
There are a few inconsistencies that should be touched upon though:
(1) "and I, oh me, looked to the..." Shouldn't 'and' be capitalized here? It seems you're capitalizing the first word of each sentence.
(2) "eight-legged and yellow, they laughed as" The same note here as in #1; you've ended a sentence, so 'eight-legged' should be capitalized, yes?
(3) "you said, 'You wouldn't know me from eve'." The period should be on the inside of the quote, and Eve should be capitalized, yes? Or are you trying to emphasize the evening connotation, rather than the Biblical connotation?
Geep. The last stanza is by far my favorite... though you gotta admit, it's quite a horrible way to die.
Anyway! Good stuff here.
This is really great, Ed. I love your imagery and all the clever details you add, and how you somehow make them fit beautifully.
I love the first line, and how you've incorporated the details of their relationship in it.
I'm not sure about;
"oh, so cheeked-- "
I love;
"with pushing poles down wet velvet;"
I'd cut "oh me" as it doesn't seem to add much, and I couldn't take it seriously.
I also love;
"tongues stuck
in your jaw, pulling, pulling free."
The second stanza is my favourite. It's very powerful, again, I love the imagery and the flow is good. Again, the details you use are great, and I like how you've allowed Plath's poetic influence to come through. I especially love;
"And let the pills crawl past your teeth.
eight-legged and yellow, they laughed as
they twisted the stuck-tongues free.
The river bent up with your mouth,"
I think the last line in this verse is a bit weak, and I don't think you need to refer to Ariel smiling twice.
I think the last stanza is a touch weaker than the second. I love;
"and with a frown upside-down, you said,
you said, 'You wouldn't know me from eve'."
A pleasure to read. Hope this helps.
Jas
To be quite honest, I didn't like it.
The last paragraph is what threw me most. It didn't quite fit in with the rest of the poem.
I couldn't feel the flow or the rhythm. It's like when a science teacher drones on and on about something you don't need to know when you are out in the world. You get my point. I had to read it twice to figure out what it meant.
I hate it when people tell me this, but I think it needs some editing.