Young Writers Society

Ooh, I like the experimental form here! This poem seems to be about communication and things not said. I like to think that's what's being alluded to by the 'topic vs theme of the text' - that the meaning never seems to get out entirely.

1. The repetition of "sent" to divide different stanzas works nicely, I think, because it's so abrupt and really conveys the speed of texting. The bolded vs unbolded text confuses me a little, though. It seems the sent texts are bolded whereas the unsent meaning is unbolded with strikethrough, but it didn't seem obvious to me at first. I like that it's easy to tell which lines belong to 'mushroom!', and I do wish there was a similar explicit marker for which lines are the first speaker's.

2. In terms of the different motifs, I really love the one on ants. It suggests a sense of smallness and fragility, which is really my jam if we're talking friendships and communication. I also like the metaphor of the 'mushroom'. It's really fascinating and I get a slightly different meaning out of it each time I read through this poem. At first, it just looked like a cute term of endearment, but then on the third reading I was beginning to think this 'mushroom!' character had an ominous aura about them, especially with the part about the "poison". This, combined with the lines about a false "impression" makes the friendship between the first speaker and mushroom! seem more tenuous.

3. Language-wise, I think the imagery is pretty solid. There's a sharp, slightly jarring contrast between the text-speak and the images, but I think it's thematically fitting here. The juxtaposition between the "dim forests", "damp lichen" and the "small, shiny black ants" really creates an atmosphere of danger I think and it has a sort of soft v.s. hard connotation as well (since most shiny things are also hard and solid). I'm not sure if the use of passive voice in "doesn't become notified" has an intended effect. It read a bit out of place for me.

4. Corn being an "inverted sunflower" is a really unique picture and a pretty apt observation! However I, like the speaker, can't really figure out what it means in this context. Is it to make the act of conversation seem absurd? Does eating the corn have a particular significance?

Overall, this is a really fascinating poem. I like the interaction between the two speakers and the stylistic choices you've made.

Awwww I don't know if this is just me but I find the narrator's first responses to mushroom's messages so cute XD the whole describing mushroom as a corn and how they're fascinated by small little things but it makes me kinda sad that they're too afraid to actually voice the thoughts but then again this is so relatable, we're all scared of showing the goofy, wild and childlike versions of ourselves, aren't we?

This was a wonderful read, one that was surprisingly original and hilarious but beautiful at the same time!

Thank you for sharing and keep growing <3

Ok so to be honest Im usually quite dense with poetry so I am apologizing in advance if any of who I say is not what you were going for.

I actually really liked this. I liked the strikethrough portions. It felt like the two people messaging were typing something out and then changing their minds and erasing it. It felt like a comment about how we overtaking and never say what we want or what we really mean.

I got a mild flirtation vibe from this that I really liked. It was in the teasing and the way that the deep things that the people wanted to say were deleted. I think that touches on the fact that when we like someone we are scared to show them those weird, deep, thoughtful parts of ourselves. The parts that are almost profound, out of fear that they may reject these scared portions of our personality. So we force those parts to grow in darkness.

I really liked that all the random topics (mushrooms, corn, ants) came together in the final little deleted poem. I also really loved the portion about being "lost in the shade of the forest
tryna wrap ourselves in comforting moss" I just really love that image and I feel like its true.

Anyway, not sure if that makes any sense and I can't really comment on the whether or not structure or other is "right" but Overall I really enjoyed that!

Thanks for sharing dear!