Young Writers Society

Hi, hello! This is Ina speaking.

I like how it can be a bit mysterious and dark. But also, sad because of her brother and maybe the other Eric whom she's possibly in love with. And because she hated the name of the second Eric maybe because she got reminded to her brother who is dead. The fact she might have killed the second Eric at the ending, made me think of what she felt. She might have felt like, she loved him but she hated him more so she killed him. I like the way she wrote "Eric is dead" again because the second Eric she loved dead again. Over all, it's good, keep up on writing!

I hope you have a good day/night.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy this was quite the piece here. It was very surprising and it leaves you with so much emotion to think about. I think it ends up being a really powerful piece in the end that just leaves you reeling a little once you finish reading.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She wrote it in spray paint she’d bought for a Halloween costume, over and over and over again. On any spare space she could find- brick walls, windows, sidewalks. She’d even managed to climb up on the overpass and declare it in scrawling red letters. She simply didn’t know what else to do.

It had been twenty minutes since Eric had died. It had been twenty minutes since she had held his bleeding body and bid him a final goodbye from the world. It had been twenty minutes since Eric’s heart had stopped beating and she'd found her own screeching in her chest, sick at the thought of the blood staining her jeans.

Her brother had been named Eric, too.

It had been five years since Eric had died. The first Eric, that is. Her brother Eric. She had held his hand as he took a final breath and his heart monitor had begun to scream.

Eric was the first dead person she’d ever seen. Eric was now the second.

She’d loved Eric. Her brother, of course, but also this new one, in his strange manner and smiling eyes always turned up at the sky, marveling at the clouds. Eric was fantastical and brilliant, and sometimes she couldn’t fathom how his head could hold so much in it. Sometimes, too, she couldn’t fathom how he could look at her and see anything at all.

She loved this Eric, except when he introduced himself. Except when his name was called, or when he signed it at the top of his homework or the bottom of his most recent painting.

She hated the name Eric. She hated the way it made her skin crawl, the way her mind wouldn’t let her see anything but her brother’s cold dead hands and glassy eyes, the way she could almost feel his breath growing fainter against her arm.

She loved Eric, but she hated his name. She loved him so, so much, but sometimes she wondered if it was worth it. She wondered if she truly loved him more than she hated the name. She never knew which would end up on top.

It had been twenty-two minutes since she’d said Eric’s name in a conversation. It had been twenty-two minutes since her eyes had widened in surprise and her heart had twisted sickeningly in her chest. It had been twenty-two minutes since her mind had gone blank and she’d grabbed a rock and bludgeoned his head in.

It had been twenty-one minutes since she’d realized what she’d done. It had been twenty-one minutes since she’d fallen to her knees and taken his bloody cheeks between her hands. It had been twenty-one minutes since he’d looked up at her with confusion and fear.

It had been twenty minutes since she’d watched the light leave his eyes.

Eric is dead, she wrote again and again and again.

Eric is dead.

Hi WaywardxWanderer.

First off I gotta say I adore your profile pic. Howl's Moving Castle is one of my favorite Studio Ghibli films. I even posted a wallpaper from that film onto my profile home page.

The succinctness and repetition of the first three lines immediately engaged me. They immediately stimulated questions that spurred me forward to seek answers.

"She simply didn't know what else to do." (I interpreted this powerful line as the protagonist wanting the world to mourn Eric's death with her. This reckless behavior also seems to be her way of processing her grief and implies a characteristic of hers to depend on recklessness when in need of an outlet).

"It had been twenty minutes since Eric’s heart had stopped beating and she'd found her own screeching in her chest, sick at the thought of the blood staining her jeans." (I like how you used contrasting descriptions between Eric's heart and the protagonist's. This I think emphasizes the weight of his death and the overwhelming weight of grief she feels.)

"She’d loved Eric. Her brother, of course, but also this new one, in his strange manner and smiling eyes always turned up at the sky, marveling at the clouds." (Eric, the boy she loved, was a dreamer. I really love that detail about him and how you implicitly describe him as such. Great use of show not tell.)

"She loved Eric, but she hated his name. She loved him so, so much, but sometimes she wondered if it was worth it. She wondered if she truly loved him more than she hated the name. She never knew which would end up on top." (She is too stuck in the past to move forward with what is right in front of her. Eric, with how great he was, created amazing new memories and experiences that she could have learned to associate with his name and grow through the pain of losing her brother. But she doesn't and it saddens me that she doesn't find closure.)

Wow that ending took a turn. This story is an embodiment of a self-fulfilled prophecy. She hated Eric's name so much that she allowed that hatred to consume her, and hatred kills. In this case quite literally. The end displays the consequences of theprotagonist not coping with her brother's death, and allowing those negative feelings to fester inside before finally exploding out in a fit of rage aimed towards the one closest to her.
This story though short has amazing, provocative descriptions that evoke very strong feelings. You also employed great use of "show don't tell" through character descriptions. I also enjoyed your use of repetition throughout the story. It placed emphasis and drew attention to the sentences that made her agony feel so real. Not to mention there was a very mysterious tone that worked well with the dark topic of your story.
Overall I really enjoyed reading your story.

I look forward to reading more from you.

- PoetryMisfit

hi, this is pretty good! i rather like the bit of mystery and darkness to it.
‘grabbed a rock and bludgeoned his head in’ like dude that sentence surprised me lol. (im laughing even though this is a dark story help meeeeeee.)
it’s like she possibly had feelings for this second Eric and cared for her brother Eric but for both of them, she did not like their name and they both died. probably both because of her.
i liked this, honestly! rather creative.

Hello! Here to review!

I quite enjoyed this! There were a few sentences that I thought were really beautiful.

-'It had been twenty minutes since Eric’s heart had stopped beating and she'd found her own screeching in her chest'
- 'Eric was fantastical and brilliant, and sometimes she couldn’t fathom how his head could hold so much in it. Sometimes, too, she couldn’t fathom how he could look at her and see anything at all.'

The second one in particular is cool because you manage to express the way that the MC feels about Eric but also how they feel about themselves without spelling it out too much to the reader.

Towards the end I had a feeling the MC had murdered second Eric but I thought it was written very well. Again, the simplicity of the piece is what makes it very raw.

-'It had been twenty-one minutes since he’d looked up at her with confusion and fear.' - this shows that Eric really had no idea the MC was dealing with these issues and he thought they were just very much in love. And the mixture of fear and confusion really makes you empathise with him.

The only bit that confused me was the graffiti. If the MC couldn't stand hearing and seeing the name Eric, why are they spray painting it all over the place? Surely that would just make the problem worse? Didn't the kill Eric in this unhinged decision to try and wipe away any sort of memory of their dead brother from the world? Or is the point that they are just going to continue to torture themselves because they know they did wrong by killing someone? If it's the latter, you could delve a little deeper into that. Not too much, because, like I said, your sparse style works well, but a little bit could stop the confusion.

All in all, cool piece! I enjoyed it!

I think this is an interesting take on graffiti.I often wonder the meaning of the graffiti art.Which Eric is she talking about? Her brother or her boyfriend? Was he even her boyfriend or a friend? Maybe he’s her adoptive brother,if she had one.Could she be talking about both Erics? I think I might have seen this somewhere.I hope you have an amazing and lovely day and night.

Andrew here for a quick review!
Well, this story is definitely a little adventure. It's well written, short and bitter, and cool it's based on an actual piece of graffiti.
I like the repetition of the phrase Eric is dead, repetitions like that, especially at the beginning and end always give me this feeling of satisfaction, and also allow us to see the phrase from many different angles. My biggest critique is the fact she killed eric, it kinda just seems to exist for shock value, which is something that I think we writers can extremely overvalue sometimes.
But into specifics!

She wrote it in spray paint she’d bought for a Halloween costume, over and over and over again. On any spare space she could find- brick walls, windows, sidewalks. She’d even managed to climb up on the overpass and declare it in scrawling red letters. She simply didn’t know what else to do.

It had been twenty minutes since Eric had died. It had been twenty minutes since she had held his bleeding body and bid him a final goodbye from the world. It had been twenty minutes since Eric’s heart had stopped beating and she'd found her own screeching in her chest, sick at the thought of the blood staining her jeans.

Her brother had been named Eric, too.

It had been five years since Eric had died. The first Eric, that is. Her brother Eric. She had held his hand as he took a final breath and his heart monitor had begun to scream.

Eric was the first dead person she’d ever seen. Eric was now the second.

She’d loved Eric. Her brother, of course, but also this new one[b], in his strange manner and smiling eyes always turned up at the sky, marveling at the clouds.[/b] Eric was fantastical and brilliant, and sometimes she couldn’t fathom how his head could hold so much in it. Sometimes, too, she couldn’t fathom how he could look at her and see anything at all.

She loved this Eric, except when he introduced himself. Except when his name was called, or when he signed it at the top of his homework or the bottom of his most recent painting.

She hated the name Eric. She hated the way it made her skin crawl, the way her mind wouldn’t let her see anything but her brother’s cold dead hands and glassy eyes, the way she could almost feel his breath growing fainter against her arm.

She loved Eric, but she hated his name. She loved him so, so much, but sometimes she wondered if it was worth it. She wondered if she truly loved him more than she hated the name. She never knew which would end up on top.

Not until twenty minutes ago.

It had been twenty-two minutes since she’d said Eric’s name in a conversation. It had been twenty-two minutes since her eyes had widened in surprise and her heart had twisted sickeningly in her chest. It had been twenty-two minutes since her mind had gone blank and she’d grabbed a rock and bludgeoned his head in.

It had been twenty-one minutes since she’d realized what she’d done. It had been twenty-one minutes since she’d fallen to her knees and taken his bloody cheeks between her hands. It had been twenty-one minutes since he’d looked up at her with confusion and fear.

It had been twenty minutes since she’d watched the light leave his eyes.

Eric is dead, she wrote again and again and again.

Eric is dead.