Illusion

An illusion,
what is it?
is it a trick,
is it a drink,
is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,
is it my imagination,
is it an impression,
is it my life,
is it my world,
is it real?
or does it just seem to be?

i really like this it seems like it like your not really sure what your talking about but you stay very close to the topic evenn though you like it all make belive and nothing is very known about it . its very good but i would have italiced what i thought was important in the poem.

Not much of a poem, but a ~fantastic~ raw idea. I love it.
I think if you expanded on this a little it would be brilliant, just add some imagery and something to make the readers see and feel everything, make them wonder what the illusion is just like you wondered what it is.
I do have to agree slightly with Paladin, it's not exactly poetry the way it is, but it's got some good potential and all it needs is a little work.

Best of luck, lots of love,
Alice

Oi vey... how can I put this... this isn't poetical, it's not even that well done, it's just a series of answers for a question that doesn't even try sound nice, or look pretty. it's like if you looked up a confused dictionary on the word Illusions. it has no idea what to say so spits out as many meanings as possible hoping one to stick. You can't just ask a question throw a couple of words at a wall and hope it sticks. It can't work like that. And the ending makes no sense. I can't really say much about this, sure it ignores the guideline of show don't tell, but it's also burns the book with the guideline in. I've heard of breaking the rules, but flat out ignoring them, is that wise, seriously?

Overall: I can't call this poetry, and I'm not one of those snooty people who prefer structure, I often go for unstructured poems, but in your case it's not even resembling a poem. If this poem was meant to be a banana it would be a cake.

Sorry can't be much help.

Alright, so, this is a really strong, really lovely poem. It shows that not everything is what is seems and It could be just that-an illusion.
The short simplicity of the poem really help just capture the mood, which I loved.
The only thing I would suggest is not using 'is it' too much.
It get repetitive.

But, other then that, good job
~WickedWonder

Nice! short and sweet, and it makes you think. Though, i think that if you expanded on it, it could be a little deeper, and would give the reader more insight on your point and more to dwell upon. It sounds like it would make a great, full-out poem.
Nice work!

This is fascinating, I love how snappy it is, and how effective!
I'm sorry I don't have much to add, probably just that starting every sentence with 'is it' gets a little repetive, I recognize that that's probably the effect you're going for, but maybe only use it at the start of one sentence in three, as it doesn't go very well with the snappiness of the poem.
Other than that, awesome!

What an interesting poem...I liked how you discribed what an illusion could be it was a small poem but very interesting
enoyed it......its amazing how just a really small poem can give emotive to the reader keep the good work up!!.
LightningBolt

P.S. It is too a poem, so don't listen to that person! I write and review and read a lot of poetry, and this is definitely a poem! Sure, you could expand it if you wanted to, but a poem can be simple, so this is just fine.

Well...we can't really judge whether mine is better or not, because we approached the word "illusion" from two completely different perspectives!

And besides, the last line...is AWESOME! I love it.

~Blue

watchmeburn wrote:Hey everyone, this is just something I thought of. It is not much of a peom and it is very short. I'm really not sure what it is. (This is my second peice on YWS). Please it me know what you think. Enjoy...
This is just a peice that highlights what an illusion is to all differnt types of people. ________________________________________________________________________________


An illusion, what is it?
is it a trick,
is it a drink,
is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,
is it my imagination,
is it an impression,
is it my life,
is it my world,
is it real?

or does it just seem to be?

I thought this was very good for your second post! I like the idea of the poem and the structure is great. It is very simple but smart and good to read. Well done!
-Matt

it is a very very good poem.it is short but it says a lot if you know what I mean.keep on writing.

ok i have a lot to say so lets get started:
WARNING: i tend to review harshly so beware.


An illusion, what is it?
is it a trick,
is it a drink, i dont understand this part. a drink? that doesn't make sense
is it magic,
is it my eyes, once again im lost
is it my mind,
is it my imagination,
is it an impression, i like this part
is it my life,
is it my world, these to give me the same feeling over again so you might want to change one.
is it real?

or does it just seem to be? this is the perfect end!

first of all pretty good!
if this is your poem keep writing. still needs some work

Hi Watch,

This poem is good for a first post. I like the concept of question the subject. But, I'm not entirely sure its a poem. I haven't written any poems myself, but I've been reviewing them - it's all I've reviewed! So I have a good understanding of one.

For this to be a better poem, it needs to be expanded. Explain things like your emotions and give some imagery. While I was reading this, I didn't feel that much, or my mind didn't see that much. It needs depth and description. It seems you've questioned illusions a lot, then at the end there's no answer or ending. It felt like it chopped off and led nowhere.

Expand it and release its potential. Best wishes!

RedLeaf

Flower here, finally I have found the right poem. I am truly and deeply sorry for the mistake. I also want to apologize for being late, I never thought I could be capable of doing that, but Algebra II is killing me. Anyway on to the poem. I do like this poem, but I do think that it needs to be expanded. It's not nessecary, but I think it would do the poem a lot of good. Right now it is just constant repitition, and some of the words dont make sense to me. I think some imagery and description, and maybe even some metaphors would work in this poem. Like if you gave an idea of a trick, or a magic trick.

Another thing that I noted was the constant repitition of "is it." The repition is annoying, and it is so better off without it. See how this sounds, it is quite a bit shorter, but you know add length to it and it would matter.
An illusion, what is it?
is it a trick,
or a drink,
magic,
or is it my eyes,
my mind,
or my imagination,
is it an impression,
or is it my life,
is it the world,
is it real?

or does it just seem to be?[/quote]
Ok, scratch the thing about it being shorter, but it is still short. I do think it sounds better like this though. Anyway work on the things I mentioned above, and this could be a very succesful poem. It is already good, but why not make it great?

If you need anything feel free to pm me. Or you can write on my wall, whichever works.

-Flower-

How interesting!
It's quite short, yes, but for some reason I feel like I'm taken aback.
It's kind of like I'm thirsty, but because of the repition I'm almost convinced it's something else. Perhaps Hunger?
Either way, I liked it bunches!
-The Written Chef

Not bad, but you could do so much to expand on it. You really kind of ran through a brainstorm of "is it this?" but never really gave us time to contemplate that thing before you pulled us to the next. Maybe you should focus more on things and give us more depth and understanding of what you mean.

Well I cannot really correct anything because everyone beat me to it! *Shakes hand furiously at previous reviewers* But I can tell you what I think of it!

Like I said on your wall, my concept for poetry is down the drain and whenever we end up doing it at school, I fail miserably. And I haven't read one peice of poetry in my life - except for now and a few other times on YWS - but I will endeavour to do this right!

How can I put this...That was the awesomest poem I have seen so far. Of course you can drink it! Just shove the illusion right down your throat! It won't hurt...

CAUTION: Chocking may be caused if you drink Illusion.

You should keep going. I would really like to see more of your poetry peices, I might even start writing myself! Psh, nah, that'll never happen. I can even write a song. Well I can, but it's not a good one. I once wrote one about my lunch box...

But anyway, this was definitely different from what I have read so far and I definitely enjoyed it.

~Apple.

Hey! Sorry I don't know a ton about poetry but I'll give it a shot

watchmeburn wrote:An illusion, what is it?

Hey everyone, thank-you sooo much for reviewing my work, I will take all you advise on board for my next poem (not that this one is much of a poem)!

Really this is what an illusion is to all different types of people.
Thanx for your help, (please keep reviewing it really helps)
watchmeburn... please follow me

Hey watchmeburn, CaptianRandom here,
First of all welcome to YWS. Secondly, i thought this poem was good but i think it could be better, for me it went no where, what you should do is add more to it, you ask not answer, you dont exspress thing that you trying to get out for everyone to read. i hope you find my review helpful and i hope to read some more of your poems.

-CaptianRandom
Many Crystals with Many feelings

Hello there, watch me burn!

This is going to be the first review I am going to give you. So please if ever you this this vague or harsh, I apologize in advance. Now, on to the review.

First of all, I don't think your repetition is that annoying. I mean, I know you have intended the format to be like that, so I think it's okay. However, just looking at the whole poem I definitely think you should lengthen this a bit more, because I feel like the concept is there but it totally feels so lacking. Perhaps let your readers draw into your character's thoughts- like making that illusion more obvious and do not only limit the poem with questions and confusions. It would only leave your readers confused about the important point of this piece. (Like for example, lead your readers to where your character is going. Don't only let us stay in one place, rather let us connect and be with your character as he walks through his journey.)

Second of all, this would have been really interesting to read if you maybe added some syllabic patterns. Although the neatness of this poem is noticeable but still, it would be too plain if you have only written about your character's thoughts without adding it with some poetic devices/techniques.

is it a trick,
is it a drink,

is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,

Hey watchmeburn!

This is the first time I've ever reviewed any of your pieces so, before I begin, I would just like to warn you that I can be a bit harsh *evil laugh*

Now, I didn't quite like this "poem" if that's what it is. This is the first problem - wrong classification. It is not a poem, it should have been submitted into the Literary Misc. section Other. This section is where you submit things that don't fit into anything which I think this does. You can make it a poem; it really lacks any "poetic elements". You need to add some sort of imagery, emotion and it needs to be expanded on - give it more form.

Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. Finally, your last problem is the repetition. That's how many times I had to read "is it...". Quite annoying isn't it? That's why you should expand on it instead of asking these ever-growing, annoying, repetitive questions that have no answers.

Hope this helps and yes, this was a harsh review.

MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.(please join)

Hey. First off, I want to say that I think that this is really good. I just thinks it needs to be expanded on. I think it being not capitalized is not bad, because it is a poem. It is a poem, and it is meant to be expressed your way. Some people have different views on formatting, but I think what you have done is fine. If you just expand on what you're saying, I think it would be a lot better. But this is good for one of your first posts.

Hello!

For one, I really liked the uncapitalized style. If you did it any other why, I think it would look too annoying! At least for me. If it were capitalized, I know I would read it as being really fragmented, when I really like the continuation of thought.

I like the very last line. Because it sounds really wistful and at the same time, that's exactly what an illusion is. So yay!

Part of me wishes this were longer... but at the same time, I really love the simplicity of it all. So, really, a lovely piece.

Interesting little poem. The idea is nice, and can definitely be lengthened. But if you want to keep the length as is, I'd say to capitalize a little, remove a bunch of the "is it"'s, and exchange some of the commas for semicolons, perhaps like so:

An illusion, what is it?
Is it a trick,
a drink,
magic;
Is it my eyes,
my mind;
Is it my imagination,
an impression;
Is it my life,
my world;
Is it real?

Or does it just seem to be?

Wow.
I've found another person who writes similar poetry to me. I love this types of poems as they get you thinking about life. Being repetative is fine, but try not to make it too long, or it will get boring.The amount you've written here is just fine. I've done one like this, and ended up covering 3 pages...oops for me.

An illusion, what is it?
is it a trick,
is it a drink,
is it magic,
is it my eyes,
is it my mind,
is it my imagination,
is it an impression,
is it my life,
is it my world,
is it real?

or does it just seem to be?

is

is it a drink?

An illusion,
What is it?
Is it a trick,
Is it a drink,
Is it magic,
Is it my eyes,
Is it my mind,
Is it my imagination,
Is it an impression,
Is it my life,
Is it my world,
Is it real?

Or does it just seem to be?

Whoa. I really like this The idea is great and it's short and sweet. Ofcourse it's lacking of "poetic elements", if I may say it like this. But, I am a firm believer in defiying those rules. I believe anything can be poetry if there's a deeper meaning into it, and this, my friend, does, for me anyways It's like a question, repeating because you can't quite get it out of your mind and forget it.
Though, I can agree with Coral, I think you could add to it, do something more with it. It sure is a great start point. Or, you could keep it like that. You could go either way.

Keep writing!

-Truth-

I really like the concept of this one- nicely done. I would think about perhaps expanding the piece. As it is, it's quite repetitive, and really doesn't have much too it. I think that if you added onto it a bit more, it could be wonderful. Maybe not even expanding, but incorporating other tools of poetry.... include more of a voice, more imagery, emotion... all that stuff.

Nice job altogether though. Really really liked the concept. c:

-Coral-